Maxerica

Where It All Began

My legs feel like jelly as I stand up for the first time in days.
Maxon helps me to the bathroom. He gently helps me undress and settle into the hot bubble bath he got ready for me. I relax as the heat removes the tension from my body.
Maxon sits by the tub and holds my hand.
"How are you feeling?" he asks me.
I take a minute to try to think of an answer. "Alright I guess," I decide on.
"Any better?"
"....a bit I guess."
"Well that's good at least."
I nod a bit.
"The kids want to see you. They miss you."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be America. Take your time to heal. But things have to change soon. You need to eat more and see the sun a little. It'll help."
"It won't help."
"It will America. It will. Trust me. Open up to me."
I don't look at him and hold the tears back.
"Please America. Will you go on a walk with me after your bath? Just try it once."
"Fine Maxon."
"Thank you."
We sit the rest of the time in silence. He holds my hand in both of his, occasionally giving me a soft kiss.
Once the bath gets cold I get out. He helps me get my clothes back on and gets me a robe to put over my pajamas.
He has me drink some water before we head outside.
We walk quietly for awhile, just looking around until he takes me to the spot we first met. We both sit in the grass and I run my hand over it.
"I love this spot," he sighs happily. "This is where it all began."
I look at him. He's watching the trees dance in the wind.
"Where what began?"
"Me falling in love with you. I'll never forget seeing you that night. I came out seeing you crying and I had no idea how to approach the situation. I was so nervous. But I also was just stunned by your beauty."
"You didn't seem nervous."
"I'm good at hiding that stuff."
He looks at me and moves closer.
"I know you're hurting," he tells me. "I can see the pain in your eyes. And I hate it. I wish I could make it all better. But I can't. I can't bring her back."
".....I know," I barely manage to get out.
He wraps his arm around me and I lean on him.
He kisses the top of my head. "It's ok to cry my dear. It's ok to let it out. You can trust me."
I hesitate then hug him. I can't stop the tears as everything hits me. I sob and cling onto him.
He holds me close and rubs my back. "There you go. It's going to be alright."
"How are you so calm about it?" I look at him and ask.
He wipes the tears off my cheeks. "I haven't been the whole time. I've cried and been angry too. It hurts a lot. She had a big place in my heart and I feel like that piece has been torn out. But I also know that these things happen. People die. I mourned for her and now I know it's time to move on. There are people I love that also love me. And I need to move on so I can take care of them."
I lean on him.
"Some people need longer to mourn. And like I said, that's ok. But you also have to move on. So let's start working on that part together ok?"
I nod and close my eyes.
We sit there and take in the breeze, letting everything go.

Maxon comes in with a few bags.
I'm still in my pajamas but I'm now out of the blankets, eating dinner with the lights on.
"That's a lot of stuff," I say.
"I want plenty of options for you. You deserve it," he explains.
Maxon went with a few guards to a local, trusted store to get some things that will hopefully help me move on and release some stress.
He takes out everything and shows me.
He got me several books of my favorite genre, devotional coloring books, a nice set of pencils, a journal and pen, and some sketching materials. He also bought us some fun snacks to try.
"It's all perfect Maxon. Thank you."
"Anything for you my dear."
He comes over and kisses me. I kiss him back.
All of a sudden I find myself moving on. Maxon pulled me out of a darkness I never thought I'd leave. Letting it all out, feeling cared for, being loved by this man. It all seemed to make the pain a little better.