Realize (COMPLETED)

10.

Jennie

I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then come on, oh, come on
Whoo, let's get it on

I sing obnoxiously loud and horribly off key. Gran told me once that whenever she would put this song on Grandpa Joe would drop his pants. Yes, my sixty-five year old grandmother told me at seven years old how she got her husband in the mood with Marvin Gaye. I promise Gran was totally sane, just different in her ways of approaching certain subjects.

One thing was for sure, even after Grandpa Joe died, she still loved Marvin Gaye.

We're all sensitive people
With so much to give
Understand me, sugar
Since we got to be
Let's live
I love you

This is what I've been doing for the past three hours. I'm fucking bored out of my mind in this prison being passed off as a guestroom. The least the douche could do was put a T.V. in here to occupy my time, instead I'm stuck with a fucking fifties style radio with a broken antenna. I was able to pick up this old Pop and RnB station which is pretty cool. The songs range from the sixties to the nineties and so far I've heard a few songs I know, and as "Let's Get It On" fades into the next song I'm sent into my memories once more.

The long days that included spending time on Gran's porch in Phoenix, sipping iced tea and eating homemade cookies. Playing for hours and watching America's Funniest Home Videos during dinner. Gran made each day special for me. She was my best friend...

I need her so much right now...I just wish I could talk to her.

A quick knock alerted me to the door opening and Lisa strolling in; her hair was damp so she must have just stepped out of the shower. To be a fly on the wall in that bathroom. Is she here to remind me once again about how I'll never get out of this place? The bitch that I am will not give her the satisfaction.

"Back for more asshole?"

She rolled his eyes and sighed pinching the bridge of her nose. "Come on. I'm going to take you to get your things."

My things? I'm surprised she didn't say soiled garbage or something an uppity asshole like her would say. "Can I take a shower first? Or is that too much to ask?" I've been bathing in my own filth for far too long.

"Sure. Um, I'm sorry I haven't stocked the bathroom with things you need. Things have been...Well anyway I'll find you something to wear for the time being."

Thank you kind madam! I shall slip into the bathroom and wash myself accordingly.

Did I mention I can't stand her?

My shower, short but sweet, helped relieve some of the tension from my body. There's nothing like a hot shower to soothe and wash away the crap of the day. I wish it could wash away some of the shit from my mind...Like all the men who have ever touched me are engraved in my skin.

Nara and all of her lies. Janghoon and Bobby, the devils that still haunt me.

Gran's death.

The baby inside of me...Kicking me all the time...

I wish it wasn't real.

When I return to the bedroom in just a towel Lisa is sitting a big box on the bed. I immediately go to inspect....I'm quickly disappointed. Whoever these clothes belong to is way smaller than me. I'm not exactly a size fucking two at the moment – The only thing I find remotely close to my size is a black, sleeveless cotton dress that's pretty stretchy.