Realize (COMPLETED)

40.

JK

My mind could do nothing but dwell on that phone call from Mr. Gerandy. Why would Bobby leave me anything when the last time we spoke I clearly wanted nothing to do with him? While I feel a pang of sadness for his death, I cannot overlook what he did. He raped me, there's no getting past that. Why make me a beneficiary in his will? I don't get it and it's starting to frustrate me. It affected my performance at work because my concentration was off, and now it's affecting my time with Lisa and Ella. My thoughts are so troubled that I can't stay out of them long enough to enjoy Lisa's playful banter, or how adorable my daughter looks eating her spaghetti with her fingers. Lisa noticed, because she's always watching me, and a few times I could see her wanting to ask what was wrong. No doubt worried about my behavior, but I would change the focus to something else. I should tell her, I want to, but as the night drags on and we've eaten dinner and put the baby to bed I worry more about how she'll react. The times we've spoken about Bobby it put her in a bad mood. I like my Lisa happy so I steer clear of that topic.

"You can't avoid it forever you know." She kissed my forehead as she returned to her seat beside me on the couch. We were supposed to be watching a movie, but it was more like the movie was watching us.

"What?" I look up into her beautiful eyes. I could be making out with my hot girlfriend right now but no, I've got this pit in my stomach that I can't shake. I don't like to be sidetracked like this, especially by a ghost from my past.

"Whatever is bothering you."

Tell her...

"I'm ok."

She gave me that "I know you're lying" look but didn't push the subject. She just pulled me into her arms and hugged me close.

"You know that I love you." She kissed right below my ear making me shiver.

"You know I love you more." Because I do, so very much. I'm being a spoiled bitch right now keeping something as miniscule as this away from her. It's not a big deal...But then it is. It was important enough to Bobby.

"C'mon, let's go to bed." Lisa stands pulling me up with her. My arms around her neck, not wanting to let her go she picks me up like I weigh nothing and I wrap my legs around her.

"You're sleeping with me tonight." She declares, and I don't complain.

I let her carry me to bed.

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The next morning I wake up around eight-thirty. The house is silent and Lisa has me trapped beneath her body. We didn't quite have that mind blowing sex I've been too nervous about, but boy did my body tingle with need. There was a lot of kissing and not-so-innocent petting, and I do believe that we are on the same page at least about crossing that line. It will happen soon I'm sure, when it's organic not forced or rushed, when the time is right. I leave her in bed wishing I could stay right beside her all day. Unfortunately, I have things to do. I shower and get dressed quietly. Before leaving I write a quick note that I would be back soon and stuck it to the fridge.

I'm ready to get this over with.

George Gerandy's office isn't too hard to find. Traffic wasn't too bad going into the city and I had some time to stop at Starbucks for my coffee fix. I finished off my coffee right before entering the small law firm. It was very nice inside, cozy and not as intimidating as I thought it would be. I'm not sure that I'd ever been in a law firm before...