Realize (COMPLETED)

16.

Jennie

Spencer's is so fucking cool. I never have enough money to come here anymore. When I lived with Alec he would bring his favorite girls, which included me and four others, to the mall and let us shop for a few hours. I stumbled across this store and fell in love. It's so wacky and full of sex...I love it.

"You should get yourself one." I turn to Rosie. She's caught up in looking at the vibrator's with me.

"I have plenty at home." She smiled.

I wander around, taking it all in. It stirs up a mix of memories—some good ones I haven't thought about in a long time. Growing up, the mall always felt like a magical place, like being a kid in a candy store. When I lived with Gran, she made most of my clothes, so trips to the mall were rare and special. And then there was Nara... The mall wasn't even an option when I lived with her. We shopped at the Salvation Army—not because she couldn't afford anything better, but because she refused to spend her money on anything that might make me happy.

Rosie joined me just as I set down a box of edible panties. There's something I've been meaning to ask her, and now seems like as good a time as any. "Since we're bonding, I've got a question for you."

"What is it?" She perked up, all eager as usual.

"How come you and Jimin don't have kids?"

Her cheerful expression faltered, and she sighed, circling around me to pick up a bottle of flavored lube. "It's... complicated."

"You can't have kids or something?"

She shook her head. "No, that's not it. Jimin and I got married when we were eighteen. We had everything planned out—finish college, start our careers, then have kids. We finished college, and our careers are going great, but..." She trailed off, her voice softening. "We've been trying for a baby, but it just hasn't happened yet."

The sadness in her voice tugged at something in me, and I felt bad for even bringing it up. "That sucks," I muttered, unsure what else to say. Then a thought hit me. "So, what happens if you can't get pregnant?"

"We'll probably look into adoption," she replied, managing a small smile.

Solid answer, Pixie.

I motioned to my stomach, suddenly struck with an idea. "You know, you could just have this one if you want."

Rosie froze, stepping back as her frown deepened. "Your baby? No, I couldn't do that."

"Why not?" I ask, crossing my arms. "Look, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I already planned on giving the baby up for adoption. And since you're thinking about adopting, why not consider me giving you this one?"

Rosie hesitated, her expression soft but firm. "Because... Jennie, it's really sweet that you want to do that, but—"

"But what? My baby's not good enough for you?" I snap, feeling anger bubbling up from nowhere.

"That's not what I'm saying," she replies gently. "I just think this is something you need time to really think about."

"I've already made up my mind," I reply flatly. "There's nothing to think about."

"But it could change," she counters. "Haven't you heard about women who go through their whole pregnancy thinking they'll give up the baby, but when they give birth, they change their minds? Who's to say when you hold your baby in your arms, you won't fall in love with her."

"Her?" I repeat, caught off guard.

"Shit!" Rosie exclaims, slapping her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry," she mumbles through her fingers, her wide eyes betraying her panic.