Realize (COMPLETED)

14.

Jennie

Fucking douche bag asshole!

Who would leave a girl high and dry like that? I mean, seriously I pretty much handed my pussy over on a silver platter and all she wanted to do was talk about feelings. Seriously? She has way more control than I thought. She pissed me off, and when I stormed away from her last night I didn't expect to feel such a high level of guilt. I never feel guilty for doing anything, but walking away from her solved absolutely nothing and only reminded me of how horny I still was. So, I had to take matters into my own hands.

Masturbation isn't really my thing. Very rarely do I do it on my own - unless a trick requires it to get them off, it's rare that I tease myself in that way. Who needs masturbation when you can just get a stupid guy to do it for you? Obviously, I do since I was stranded with no one to take the wheel. I just needed to get there....rubbing my clit wasn't enough. Nothing I did was enough, which frustrated me beyond belief. At first I was pretty into it until my hand cramped up because my damn arms are too short and I had to overexert myself, and to top it all off I couldn't see shit over my stomach. Gah, it was the worst. After positioning myself on my side, I finally found my rhythm and made myself come twice. Out of breath and barely satisfied, I finally passed out from all the exertion.

When I woke up I thought that nagging feeling of horniness would be gone, but instead I think I just made it worse.

On top of wanting to fuck the first dick I can get my hands on, I'm pissed about what happened with Rosé or Rosie (whatever the fuck she wants to be called) and her bitch of a sidekick. I'm constantly haunted by my past, and no matter how much I try to escape it, the damage is already done. My life isn't great, so forgive me if I'm not radiating positivity or taking time to appreciate the little things Why am I allowing these people who don't know me stress me out so much? Who the fuck does Rosie think she is bringing along yet another person to interrogate me? I'd like her more if she kept her nose out of my business.

...and Lisa...Don't even get me started on her!

I've done everything she's asked of me; stay in this house, go to the doctor, eat her food, submit to letting her take care of me...Doesn't she think I deserve something in return? I throw myself at her and she won't fuck me!

It's not good for my ego when she turns me down. I know my body isn't the most desirable right now but damn, can't she cut me some slack? Just this once?

Or twice...

I just want to take a ride on her disco stick!

It has to be my hormones because even before I was pregnant I never wanted sex so much. I like to think there are two sides to me. There's the sad, lonely, abused girl who can't stand to be looked at by the opposite sex without feeling disgusted. She hates men, and all she wants is to be left alone. Then there's the sex kitten, the whore, the bitch. She craves the feel of anyone's touch against her skin, especially when there's money involved. She loves her ability to blow some dumb fucks mind with her body. That shit turns her on.

Maybe I'm bipolar?

I guess it's just weird how I've come to live my life after being abused for so long. Sex isn't something I want to do, but it has become my life, and therefore I have to let that part of myself go and do what I have to do to survive. It's all I know.

Ugh, enough with the wallowing...

I'm sprawled across the bed hot and frustrated in just a t-shirt and a pair of panties that are starting to get too small. I tried to make myself cum in the shower this morning...Yeah that didn't work out. The little critter who's pitched a tent in my uterus made sure to remind me that I had to piss so I gave up and went back to feeling more frustrated than before. Shit, I have to go now. The moment I think about peeing I have to. I rush to the bathroom sighing in bliss as I relieve myself. I know, there's nothing glamorous about peeing, but for a pregnant chick just making it to the toilet without having an accident calls for a pat on the back. It's an inconvenience but I'll take peeing over puking any day.