Appetite For Destruction

-042

I had the music blasting as I stood in the babies room with a can of grey paint in my hand and looked at the wall in front of me. I had regrets about starting this on my own, this seemed like something one of the prospects could of handled or even Happy himself but the nesting was well and truly settling in now that there was only twelve weeks left until a human tore their way out of me.

The crib and change table I'd ordered lay in flat pack boxes in the hallway and I had started stockpiling a small amount of clothes. Gemma and Tara had promised me a baby shower a while back but with Tara in jail and my mother focused on weaselling her way back into Abel and Thomas' lives there wasn't much hope of that.

"You shouldn't be doing that by yourself" Jax's voice sounded from behind me causing me once again to jump as I let out a little shriek and baby Lowman kicked in response.

Rubbing my tummy I turned to Jax standing in the doorway with Lux at his feet "wow, what a good guard dog!"

"Don't ignore what I said, don't do that by yourself" he warned pointing at the open can of paint at my feet.

I scoffed "everyone else is focused on themselves, it's not like I have much help"

I watched as my big brothers eyes changed to a shade of guilt "I'm sorry Evie, I know this should be a special time for you. Shit with the clubs just ch-"

"Chaotic. Yeah I know" I finished for him "since I come back Jax, it's not ever not been"

"Yeah I know, but I'm trying to work it out so our boys don't have to continue this cycle. I promise you that it'll settle down" his blue eyes seemed sincere as he spoke and I felt my own guilt for putting another issue on him when his life already had enough.

"Spoken to Tara?" I mused picking up the paint roller and starting to paint.

He moved into the room behind me, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest. I chucked the roller down and moved to do the same, well the best I could with the watermelon in my stomach.

"She won't talk to me" I watched as he put his head back against the wall and sighed deeply "told Lowen it was Gemma who dobbed her in"

I frowned "Gemma wouldn't talk to the cops"

"That's what she said too and I believe it. I just wish Tara would let me in, we're gonna get through this" his voice was quieter this time and it reminded me of our youth hiding outside and talking about our problems away from our parents.

"Yeah so I keep hearing" I shrugged "you're a great leader Jackson, I have faith in you"

He looked at me with a sad smile "kinda lame when the only one you've got left to give you unbiased advice is your little sister"

"Oh do you have to ruin it?" I laughed leaning out to push him gently.

"Yes" he laughed as he lent over to wrap an arm around my shoulders "I'm glad you're here"

I screwed my face up "god Ope would vomit if he could hear how soppy you are right now!"

He rolled his eyes "now who's ruining it dickhead?"

—

Waddling over from the office to the clubhouse I felt like this baby was about to fall out with how low he felt, the heat of the day was driving me crazy and all I wanted to do was lay in the air conditioning rather than sit in the hot office. I'd watched Tara drop the boys off half an hour prior, she'd looked worried and distant, all I'd gotten was a wave across the parking lot.

The fact she'd dropped the boys off with my mother wasn't lost on me, it seemed odd beyond belief but I wasn't involving myself. She'd been out since yesterday as far as I knew, mom said she seemed a little off but mostly fine. Inside I felt relieved as the cool air hit my skin, I was not cut out to be pregnant in summer, in fact after this kid was out I don't think I was cut out to be pregnant ever again.

"You okay sweetheart?" My mothers voice sounded from one of the tables where she sat with Abel, Thomas was to her right in his seat.

I sat in front of her letting out a big breath of air "this heat is really taking it out of me"

My mothers eyes met mine "you should be at home resting"

Rolling my eyes I snapped "everything around me is going to shit, I don't have time to sit at home and be waited on. If I don't do the office stuff it's all on poor Chucky and that's not fair"

She seemed taken aback at my outburst "I'd take care of it for you, do you need anything for the baby?"

"You've been too busy to worry about anyone that's not your thirty year old son trying to build a life and a family outside of this town and this club"

"Don't you speak to me like that Evelyn Teller. I'm still your mother" she snarled back lowly "and you're knocked up building a life in this club too if you didn't realise"

"The difference is Gemma, is that I want to build a life here with Happy. Anytime Jax and Tara even remotely try to make plans to seperate themselves from here you find a way to destroy them" I stood up "and unlike you, I'd remember I had more than one child. By the way I got married yesterday!"

I stormed out not waiting for a reply outside I ran into Wendy who had a bruise on her throat and looked visibly shaken "Evie, hey"

I felt confused. I hadn't seen Wendy since her and Jax had gotten married just before I'd left, though even then I could've told you it wouldn't last and they were both just lonely. Looking at her now she seemed clean, looked respectable rather than the junkie I'd known then.

"Are you allowed to be here?" I asked quietly wanting to avoid anymore dramas with my mother.

"I'm looking for Jax. I was attacked after a NA meeting by some guy, strangled me and stuck his hands down my pants" she shrugged looking antsy "I gouged him in the eyes and got away but he threatened to find me and rape me"

I frowned "Jax isn't here. Gemma is inside if you wanna know where he is" I turned to walk away but she grabbed my arm gently.

"Hey, I know we got off on the wrong foot all those years ago. But I'm clean and I'm doing better, I just wanna be there for my son ya know?" She gestured at my stomach "congrats by the way"

"It's fine and thank you. But I gotta go" I smiled and pulled my arm away as I headed towards my car. As soon as I was in and the door shut I felt the flood of hormonal and frustrated tears spill out of my eyes after months of holding it together.