Appetite For Destruction

-060

I sat cross legged with Quinn and Rat as we played some random board game I'd found stashed in a closet. This all seemed very odd, even more so when you looked at the size of one of the men playing it.

"Hey are you doing okay?" Rat tried to ask and I put my finger up.

"Buddy I already told you I do not want to have that conversation" I rolled the dice and took my turn.

"It's not healthy to not talk about your feelings" Quinn countered and I felt my face pull up in disgust.

"Andre the giant, what the fuck?" I laughed, my first real laugh in a few days "listen you bunch of women...how am I feeling? Stressed. I'm scared, my mothers finally topped her cunt-o-meter and my brother is probably going to be the one who kills her. Is that enough feelings for you two idiots?"

The both looked stunned but Quinn laughed "that Teller charm has really mixed in with that Lowman attitude"

I shrugged "yeah well, now take your fucking turn" The warehouse doors opened and everyone but Jax piled in "where is my brother?"

"Gone up north" Chibs replied and looked at me grimly "can I get a minute love?"

I nodded standing up and following him into the chapel, I lent against the table crossing my arms "he found Gemma didn't he?" I sighed.

China nodded stiffly "yeah, thought you best know"

I ran a hand through my hair "how come you didn't go with him?"

"Wouldn't let me sweetheart, got a few other things to do tonight...are you alright?"

I smiled at him sadly as I reached out to take his hand "I'm okay...really I am, I knew how it's work the minute I found out" I tried to finish my sentence but my voice broke "I just wish I could've told her I loved her one last time y'know? Does that make me a horrible person?"

He pulled me into him, hugging my tightly "oh love, she loved you both and she was your mother...it'll be okay. This club will keep you safe"

I pulled back wiping away the tears from my face gingerly "thanks for always being around Chibs..."

"Always...now come on, let's go keep ourselves a bit distracted hey?"

—

I'd spent the night sitting in the middle of my mothers bed in my childhood home. Inhaling her scent off the pillows and running my fingers over all of her little trinkets. I felt guilt run through my whole body at the thought of how much grief I felt for mourning my mother after all the destruction she'd caused.

Happy appeared sometime after midnight, and my body suddenly ached to be close to him. I'd clawed and all but devoured him before he fell asleep in the living room and I'd gone back to sitting like stone in my mothers space. Harlem was at Jax's with Wendy and the boys. After a very sleepless night I'd woken and brewed coffee, sitting at her spot at the table as my hands gripped the warm cup.

"I gotta go into the clubhouse babe" Happy spoke from the doorway and I jumped.

"I'm coming" I said quietly as I put my cup down "I wanna stay with you today"