Appetite For Destruction

-059

I hadn't slept that night when we'd gotten home, and after watching Happy and Harlem sleep until the sun started to slowly rise I had gotten dressed in one of Happy's sweatshirts and a pair of leggings before leaving the house quietly. I drove the streets aimlessly but ended up at the cemetery and now as I sat in front of Tara's headstone I felt my thoughts consume me.

I'd felt lost the last couple of years but this was just something else. I reached out and let my hand run across the cold stone hoping to feel something other than emptiness but instead I was just reminded how cold the world felt. The birds started to chirp as the world was slowly waking up, the warmth of the sun hitting the trees in front of me. I know I was meant to try and keep myself together but depression was suffocating everything in me.

"What the fuck do I do?" I whispered as I pushed up from the ground and walked through the tombstones.

I sat on a park bench pulling my knees up to my chest as I rested my head against them and let myself sit like that for a while. I tried not to think about anything, focus my energy on thinking of my husband and my son but was unsuccessful. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I considered ignoring it but thought it better to not disappear and cause more stress "yeah?"

Happy's voice sounded worried on the other end of the line "where are you?"

"I had to get some fresh air, can you drop Harlem off to Wendy? I'm not very capable of being a mother right now" I whispered and I felt guilt run through me.

"I guess so...I have to go to a meeting this morning though..." I could feel the weight of the tension through the phone, I knew he had something more he wanted to say but he didn't.

"I'll come take him to Wendy, it's okay"

"She doesn't know about Gemma yet baby" he said and I could hear the baby fussing in the background.

"It's okay I won't say anything, I'll be there soon" I hung the phone up and inhaled deeply as I stood up heading back to the car.

I stepped into the house after I arrived home, Happy stood in the hallway, his eyes dark as he looked at me "where have you been?"

I felt my face screw up "what the fuck do you mean? I told you I was getting some air"

"Well you've been gone a while" he shrugged, turning to head into the living room where Harlem lay in his bouncer "I have to go"

He went to push past me and I put my hand out onto his chest "I don't appreciate you implying I'm cheating on you Hap. I've got some earth shattering shit going on right now...I need you to be on my side..." my voice broke at the end of my sentence and for what felt like the millionth time in the past few days my eyes started to water.

He sighed deeply and placed a hand on my cheek "I love you Evie, but this earth shattering shit can't be earth shattering for our son...I can't be picking up all the slack here and dealing with the stresses of the club"

He lent in and pressed a kiss against my cheek, the smell of his aftershave filled my nose and I let a little sob out "I'm sorry"

"Take baby to Wendy, then come down to the makeshift clubhouse...I wanna keep you close today" he spoke lowly kissing me once more before he left.

I stepped towards Harlem who was kicking excitedly as I approached. His light eyes brightened and a smile appeared as I looked down on him and I felt myself smile back "Hi baby boy"

I heard a door open and shut and Ally appeared behind me "hey...are you okay?" She asked as she came to crouch down next to me in front of the baby.

"Yeah" I smiled at her "how are you?"

She look unconvinced but didn't question me anymore as we sat and made small talk.

—

I stood behind the bar waiting for the return of the boys, sipping on a vodka and lemonade enjoying the feeling of the burning sensation as it ran down my throat.

Quinn stood in front of me watching with curious eyes "are you okay Evie?"

"I'm fine" I lied "are you okay?"

He chuckled and shook his head "always the comedian"

I made finger guns at him and eyed the men in the chapel nervously. My brothers fate was sitting in that room and the thought alone made me sick. Before I could think much more the doors opened and the rest of the guys piled in, Jax bypassing all of us and heading in. Happy headed straight for me, his strong arms wrapping around my waist as he placed a hungry kiss against my lips, his own special way of showing me his support.

Chibs gave me a worried look and I tried my best to smile at him reassuringly though I wasn't convincing anyone. I followed Happy to sit at a table as he sipped his beer and I sat on his lap awaiting Jax. My hands absentmindedly played with the collar of his Kutte as he sat like stone, I had to admit that the feeling of being in his presence did help even my nerves a little.

Jax and the other presidents appeared, he shook their hands and they left. I stood with the men as we waited for Jax's announcement "it's all gonna work out" he said confidently.

"Where'd they land on Jury?" Happy asked from next to me and my hand tightened in his.

"I'm gonna fill everyone in later okay? Trust me, it's going to be fine" I felt my eyes squint as his blue eyes landed on me "don't worry, I won't forget you"

I rolled my eyes "I'd hope not"

Tig said something about a meet with someone and I felt myself deflate a little at the thought of being away from Happy. Chibs took Jax off to the side and Happy pulled me back to the table pushing me back to sit on it "stay put" he said quietly.

"How long will you be?" I said as my hands gripped the white fabric of his t-shirt.

"Not sure, but I'll be back...these three will be here with you" he eyed the men next to us "and they won't let you leave so don't even try me Evie"

"Oh my god, just go" I chuckled pushing him towards the guys who were leaving.

He turned back before he exited the room to point at me as he mouthed "don't leave" before he disappeared.