Appetite For Destruction

-052

I sat on our back porch in the early morning light lazily throwing Lux her ball as I smoked my first cigarette since I'd been pregnant, the events over the last ten days had be catastrophic to say the very least. Someone had murdered Tara the same evening Jax was supposed to turn himself in, Jax was locked up and I feared for the retaliation of this all when he gets out today.

I stared at the sky as I contemplated the fact Tara had guessed something like this would happen, and it had just before she finally got free of it all like some type of unfair justice. Of course Gemma had stepped up to be super grandma, getting exactly what she wanted all along. I'd been trying to help as much as I could without sacrificing too much time with Harlem who I was exclusively breast feeding.

"Are you alright?" Happy asked stepping out the glass door behind me.

"Mentally preparing I guess" I shrugged "If I'm honest Hap, I'm scared"

"Should you be smoking if your breast feeding?" He seemed to ask the question gently like I was going to explode "don't be scared though, I'll protect you"

"One will be fine, and I'm not worried about me...I'm worried about the war that's bubbling under the surface right now, I'm worried about my brother and I'm worried about you"

"Just gotta let it play out baby, I know if I'd found you like that I'd be out for blood and I would not stop until I got it..." he trailed off and I could tell his mind went somewhere dark "Jax needs to do it for his own sanity"

"Yeah I guess" I stood "come on, let's go wake Harlem up...my tits are killing me" I laughed.

He grabbed my hand and led me inside. In our room next to the bed Harlem was starting to stir, I got myself settled on the bed as Happy picked our son up, pressing kisses all over his tiny face "I can't get enough of him Evie, he's just brought this whole other side out of me"

"I've noticed" I laughed as I unlatched the ugly maternity bra and set Harlem up on my boob "not having second thoughts about being mr killer are we?"

Happy laid on the bed next to me "no but I have found a new reason for living a bit straighter I guess"

"I won't make you chose between your club or us anyways so don't worry, I know the life"

I looked down at my little piggy suckling away with big wide eyes, I often wondered who he'd be in a few years but mostly I just want him to be content with any life he picks, whether he's SAMCRO or not.

—

I sat at the bar at scoops and sweets watching Chucky behind the bar as we waited for Jax, I was fascinated by this man and his quirks. He'd recently taken to communicating with a kazoo and it was just blowing my mind how comfortable he was with it and how no one ever bats an eyelid at it.

"You feeling okay?" I asked as he made eye contact with me, he didn't reply just blew the kazoo and I let out a loud laugh "don't change"

Harlem slept in his stroller next to me as I munched on the fries I'd brought on the way here, the hunger I got since breast feeding was something beyond this world, I felt like I could happily eat forever and never be full but I was also cautious about gaining anymore weight. I wanted to get back to my previous figure as soon as I could.