Taking slow, deep breaths, I peered down at the pattern that had been engraved deep into the skin of my wrist, so deep that it was a piece of my DNA. It was painful for me to admit but it was beautiful, a tiny set of piano keys that descended into a...
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Chapter 19 - Not afraid anymore
"My baby is finally home, it feels like I haven't seen you in a million years!" Dad exclaimed as soon as he heard me walk through the front door, rushing out to the hall where I was stood in a pink fluffy apron with a spatula in his hand. The smell of home immediately overwhelmed me and I felt like bursting into tears but I stopped myself, deciding to throw my arms around dad's neck and hug him tightly instead.
That's how we stayed for a while, hugging each other as if it had been years since we had seen each other. It felt so good to be back in my dad's arms once again, the comfort and warmth he provided to me being almost addictive, a drug that I didn't ever want to go to rehab for.
"I'm going to have to let go Sophie, my stir fry will burn." Dad mumbled softly but not making any attempt to pull back before I was ready. Slowly, I released the grip I had on him and followed him into the kitchen, smiling fondly at the sight of the family kitchen. Everything felt so alien, so peculiar yet familiar at the same time. I'd decided to go home for the weekend after everything with Yoongi, needing to be around family whilst going through a tough time.
"You're back already?" An unimpressed voice groaned from the island, surprising me as I hadn't even noticed that there was anyone else there. Cole sat there, usual long, curly hair cut into a trendy style that didn't look like him at all.
"What the hell did you do to your hair!" I exclaimed, sounding almost pained as I rushed over to him, running my fingers through what used to be long tresses of curls.
"Cut it obviously, thought you were supposed to get smarter in college!" Cole sneered arrogantly, swatting my hand away from his head as he paused the youtube video he had been watching. I glared at him darkly, unimpressed with his attitude, before turning to look at dad with an accusing look.
"Don't look at me like that, all I know is that he spent the day with your mother and suddenly the kids almost bald! I'm on your side on this one, kids got a good old attitude to go along with it too!" Dad huffed, the burst of air from his mouth causing his hair to slightly lift up, revealing his forehead which was quite a rare sight to see. At the mention of my mother I stopped, all emotion dropping from my face as I turned from looking at dad to look at Cole instead.
"You've been spending time with mother?" I asked, an incredulous look on my face. Almost nervously, Cole bit his lip and nodded hesitantly, the cocky facade completely absent from his face.
"Only a couple of times, maybe 4 times since you left or something like that. I don't see why it's such a big deal, she's my mum after all." Cole complained whilst rolling his eyes, shoving his phone in his pocket before standing up out of his chair and attempting to slip upstairs into the safety of his room. Before he could succeed, I reach out and tugged him back by his arm, still not done with him just yet.
"Excuse me, it's a big deal because when has mother ever reached out to one of us wanting to 'hang out'. What possessed you to say yes in the first place? Did you suddenly forget that she completely abandoned us? What the hell Cole!" I exclaimed, not missing the way that dad's brow creased slightly when I mentioned mother leaving us. Cole pulled away from the grip I had on his arm furiously, glaring at me darkly.
"She's my mum Sophie! Why shouldn't I be able to hang out with her just like anyone else does with their mums? Just because you've never been able to properly connect with her doesn't mean that I can't. You're just jealous that she wants to make things right with me, not you. Why would she reach out to someone who just wants nothing but attention and pity from everyone she meets!" Cole yelled aggressively before running upstairs and slamming his room door after entering through it.
I didn't know how to take his words, still stood in the same place as I mulled the words over in my head. Attention? Pity? Is that really what people thought I wanted from them? Did people really see me that way? After a couple of moments of awkward silence I turned to face dad to see him already looking at me, a face filled with pity that only made me want to scream.
"I-Is that really what people think of me?" I asked softly.
"Cole is complicated Sophie, you know that. When he feels attacked he bites back, he didn't mean any of the words he just said." He sighed in reply, placing both hands on the counter and shaking his head in disappointment. It seemed that things hadn't been peachy for dad either.
"Yeah I guess you're right."
That night I just couldn't bring myself to sleep, the lack of it beginning to make my eyes burn slightly. There was no noise, just the occasional hum of a car engine in the distance from the main road nearby. The moon was the only source of light in my room, casting a ominous glow throughout everything below it.
Yoongi still hadn't even attempted to contact me in anyway, not a single text or call that would try and explain himself. Not that he even needed to, I had seen more than I ever would have liked to. It was thoughts like that that had been keeping me up at night and I had hoped that they wouldn't follow me there but apparently my prayers had gone unanswered.
It was that smile, the one he'd given me when I'd told him that I wanted to give us another try, the expression of pure joy on his face that was replaying over and over again, not allowing me to forget about it. Nothing seemed to compare to him and I suddenly found myself wishing that I had been part of the ridiculously small population of people that were born without a soulmate. I had never wanted a soulmate, always having promised myself that I would never let someone have that kind of power over me.
What had happened to me?
In a moment of pure despair and weakness, I pulled my phone off of my bedside table and decided that if I was going to finally try and officially move on, I was going to tie up any loose ends.
Sophie: I was so naive to ever believe that you would change after the first time. Why did I let you do this to me? Why did you betray me in such an evil way? Those are just 2 of the millions of questions that I want to ask you but they're the most important. I went back on everything i'd ever told myself when I met you but none of that will ever matter to you. From now on I don't want anything to do with you. I don't want to see you, hear you or even sense you near me. I'm done. And to think I was beginning to learn to love you. This is one of those situations where the guy, many years later of course, regrets how he treated the girl and wishes that he could go back and change everything. I wish nothing but the best for you, as I always have. Goodbye Yoongi.
