Smile You're Beautiful

Chapter Fifteen-Love Not Death

Love Not Death: a short story.

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this:

You come home from yet another horrible day at school. You've had enough. You're just ready to give up. So you go up to your room, shut the door, and take out the suicide note you've written and rewritten a thousand times. You take your razor blade and cut for the last time. You take some pills and become dizzy. Holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little sister comes up to your room to tell you dinners ready, she sees you lying down and thinks you're asleep. She goes downstairs and tells your mom that you're sleeping. Your mom goes upstairs and tries to wake you, she shakes you back and forth, just thinking that you were dreaming. If only she knew you wouldn't wake up. After some vigorous shaking, she sees the letter. She reads it, bawling while doing so. Shaking you in hope that you might return.

Your sister is watching this all unfold before her little eyes, she is too confused so she runs downstairs to tell your dad. "Daddy! Mommy is crying and sissy won't wake up!" Your dad runs upstairs, skipping steps. He bursts into your room to see your mom there with the note clutched to her chest. Sitting next to your lifeless body, it hits him. You're gone. He screams as if it will change anything. He throws something at the wall. Falling to his knees, he breaks. He cries out for help, just like you have been for what seems like forever. Your mom crawls over to him and sits down next to him. They hold each other. Crying, as if you could be saved.

The next day at school, there is an announcement. The principle lets everyone know about your suicide. It takes a while for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers blame themselves for being too harsh. Those mean girls start questioning the way they acted towards you and everyone else. The boy who used to tease you and call you names, he can't take the pressure. He leaves the class and sits down in the hallway. He breaks down in guilt and regret. Your boyfriend, the one that cheated on you, starts to hate himself and beat himself up about how he treated you.

Your friends? They can't understand. They're sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, how could they not see you struggling? They sit there wishing they could've stepped in before it was too late. Your best friend? She's in shock. She knew your life was bad, she knew what you were going through, but she never thought you'd take it so far. She can't cry, she can't feel anything, she's numb. She lost her other half. She stands up, walks out of the school, and just sits down. She stares at nothing and screams. Shaking, no tears coming out, she reflects on your time together. Eventually, it hits her and she lets a few tears fall down. Her jaw is locked tight and she can't believe she never stepped in.

A few days later, at your funeral, the whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality, the one that was always there for them. The shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk and cry, reflecting on their memories that they made with you. Everyone's crying at this point, and your poor sister doesn't even know what's going on. Your parents told her that you just died, and they don't know why. She cries because she loved you. She loves you. You were her older sister, her role model. You were supposed to be there for her. What happened?

Your best friend, she stays strong throughout the whole service, but when they lower your casket into the ground, she breaks. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days.

It's two years later now. Your friends talk to the counselor once a week. The boy that used to tease you cuts himself because of the guilt. Your ex boyfriend is incapable of love because he can't live with himself. All he does is sleep around now. Everyone that was close to you goes into depression. Those mean girls, they have eating disorders now. The teachers end up quitting because of all the memories. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried. Your sister? She finally found out the real reason why you died. She self harms, she cries herself to sleep every night, wishing that she could've been enough for you to hang on. She does exactly what you did leading up to your suicide. Your parents? They spilt up. They couldn't take it. Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom was diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. Kind of like you did when no one saw you suffering.

Your choices don't effect just you. They effect others. Don't say no one cares, obviously they do, you're just too blind to see it. Your life is too precious to end it on a bad note. Don't take your life tonight, at least wait for the beautiful sunrise tomorrow. Things can't get better if you give up. People love and cherish you. Don't let the recent memories be the last. I love all of you. Just know if any one of you killed yourself, I would break. I would blame myself. Don't do it, you're so much better. I'm here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are, even if we've never talked before, I'm here for you.

Don't be afraid to inbox/tweet/kik me if any of you ever need someone to talk to. All my social media info is on my profile.