Heal The Scars

Drunken Minds

-Hunter's POV-

"Where were you?" She asks me when we pull apart. She has this glint in her eye and this smile on her face. Fake I suppose. I can tell from the way she's looking that she's caught onto something. Her jaw is set taut yet she's still fake smiling at me.

Oh nowhere. Obviously. Just went to the bar down the street, got wasted, and went home with some girl but then I woke up this morning, sober and decided to come home to you. And no we didn't fuck, only kissed. Once. No harm done. Right?

"Hunter." She presses on.

I look away from her face and take interest in the pillow beneath her head. I tug on the loose threads making the string longer until a hand touches my cheek- both of my cheeks. Austyn turns my attention back to her. Her eyes pierce mine with such an intensity im sure she can see the wheels turning in my brain as I decide whether I should tell her or not.

"Well after you fell asleep I decided to go out for some fresh air so I climbed in my car and drove and-and as I'm driving I see this somewhat nice looking bar. I'd been there before with my uh friend and he knew the bartender so I knew that I could get alcohol without prove of ID. So I parked and went inside the bar. I didnt show prove of ID and got shit faced drunk. I couldn't think straight. Everything was blurry and I could barely walk let alone drive. So I slept in my car. Woke up sober and here I am." I tell her only leaving out the girl and the kiss.

Her eyes have fallen from my face and now are glancing past my shoulders. She doesn't say a word, only stares and for a moment you'd think she was off in her own little world; daydreaming but I could tell she was thinking. She stays like this for a few moments and I grow impatient.

"Austyn, say something please..." I plead, my tone urgent.

She waits a few more moments before finally speaking, "Why didn't you just call me instead of sleeping in your car?"

"I figured you didn't want to see me in my drunken state. No-" She cuts me off again.

"Hunter why would you think i wouldn't want to be bothered with you in your drunken state? Haven't I taken care of you countless times before? When you were sick and a few weeks ago when you got your wisdom teeth pulled and you were on laughing gas. I still took care of you, Hunter." Her eyes reach mine and I can see the pained expression in them.

I have nothing more to say, "Im sorry." I tell her.

I'm even more sorry that I just sat here, looked her straight in the eye and lied. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I just have flat out and told her the bloody truth?

Because you're scared that when she hears the bloody truth Austyn wouldn't want anything to do with you. She wouldn't trust you anymore. That's why.

What the hell am I? Im starting to drink until im shit faced drunk and can't remember anything that happened. Im turning back into that person I was before. A fucking monster. Get your shit together Hunter and get it together fast. The one I love the most is on the line here. Life or death situation. Lose or lose. Even when she does find out the truth, I'll lose some part of her. Either its her whole self or the part of her that took me forever just to reach. All those acts of trust and trusting one another will be washed down the sink. Along with the rest of dignity I have for myself.

If I lose Austyn over stupid shit like this, I will go fucking bizarre. She's a part of me now. And if she goes, that part of me goes too. The only light inside my dark hole of a heart will vanish in thin air just look the sun setting. At first the sun is high in the sky and as time passes, the sun slowly starts to disappear until finally we're emerged in complete darkness. Nothing but little twinkles of light- the stars to shine.

But those wouldn't be my pockets of light. Those billions of stars are someone else's. Not mine. And even if they were, they're millions of miles away, too far.

***

I still haven't told her yet. I decided that I should wait at the perfect time when shes most happy and we're on good terms again before I tell her. Maybe she'd be so busy being happy that she wouldn't even know that I'd gone home with some girl and kissed her right on the lips.

God, I'm so pathetic. Even to think that is an act off pure selfishness. Well that's what I am right? A pathetic, selfish, bastard.

Even though it'd kill me when I tell her and she leaves. It'll be okay because I know she will find someone who loves her just as much as I do and they will be happy. She wouldn't have to worry about him going to a bar and drinking away all his problems before kissing some girl in her own apartment. She'd be worry free, carefree, extremely happy, radiant, even more perfect than before when she was with me.

And that'll be okay with me.

*******
WHA? ANOTHER UPDATE?! YASS HUNNAY.

I just had to update again because I reached 7.1k reads in just two days. Yes you heard that right. TWO DAYS!!

I honestly love you guys so frickin much. Y'all are the bestest baes ever.

LOVE YOU❤

UPDATE SOON.

COMMENT what you think will happen next. Will Hunter tell her or no?

I just need some type of feedback so I can know that what I'm doing is okay and that yall like it. Please?

Just 1 or 2 comments.

Not alot to ask for. :)