Heal The Scars

Demons

Bubbles deflated as I sunk into the warm water. Soap feeling like silk on my bare skin. My left leg raised on the edge of the tub so my cast wouldn't get wet. Soft music hummed from my phone that sat on the granite countertop. I played with the bracelets on my wrist significantly before sliding the different colored beaded and woven bracelets down my wrist. They each held their own uniqueness, all of them were color coded. Black and white for all of the times i've been alone with my demonic thoughts threatening me to slash my impeccable wrists, thighs, beautiful flesh. Red for the times when my monstrous thoughts got the best of me, my lashing out, punching mirrors until my knuckles were dripping bright red with blood. And clear for all the times i've been saved. That rusty brown string only bearing one single clear bead, considering I've only been saved from my grotesque thoughts once. That one person being Hunter. 

Once.

My stepfather never thought twice about my lash outs. Reason? He was the main source. Every single day since my mom up and left he would consume so much alcohol that he couldn't tell left from right. And when he got drunk enough, he got angry. Furious. He would take out his anger on me. Blaming me for my mom's disappearance and punishing me afterwards. I received beatings daily to the point where I couldn't walk to school the next day. He starved me until I became so bony to the extinct where my shoulder blades perked out from my shirts. My legs were as tiny as toothpicks and you could see the outline of my cheekbones through the flesh on my face. I had to eat at school on the weekdays and on the weekends, if I was lucky enough to have one scrap of food left I  Not only that, there were cuts and bruises too. I went to school day after day with black eyes, cuts scattered on every limb you could name. It wasn't just the cuts from being hit on my limbs either there were cuts that I inflicted on myself too. I self-harmed.

This continued until finally one day the Childcare Services came knocking on my front door and took me away. I never saw my stepfather or mother again. And to this day I still continue to grasp onto that hope that one day I will be able to see my mother's face again but that never seems to happen nowadays.

There was a bang at the bathroom door, "You alright in there?" Hunter called out.

"Yeah im fine!" A lie slipping right through my lips. I was far from fine. I needed someone here with me. Im all alone with these demons in my head that I cant even save myself from.

Hunter!

Hunter doesn't want you. No one wants you because you're pathetic and worthless.

Get out of my head!

You can never get rid of me. Im here to stay. To make your life a living hell.

Go away! Please.

Haha. No I think I like it better here. In your head.

Get up! Get out of the tub and go look in that mirror. See how ugly you are.

I scrambled out of the tub, standing in front of the full body length mirror.

Look at you. You look a mess. Did someone run you over with a semi? Cause you sure look like it.

I shook my head, attempting to fight off the monsters tampering with my nerves.

Now, now, darling. Take a moment to just soak in your image. Those ugly slashes on your thighs. You actually think someone would want a girl who cant even control her own body? Nope. That's why your mother left you.

At that very moment I realized how bad I actually looked. Pointing out my wide hips and perky breasts. The cuts that adorned my flesh. I was a mess. A train wreck. A freak.

I stared at my reflection until I couldnt bear to stand myself any longer. I drew back my right arm and swung it forward. Fist connecting with glass, a loud crunching noise and then there were millions of shards of glass scattered on the tiles. My knuckles bleeding, small pieces of glass stuck in the flesh.

I collasped on the floor in a sobbing mess.

Is that what you wanted?! Then you got it! I hope you're happy now.

Im not done yet here. Grab the biggest piece of glass you can find. Now!

I picked up the largest fragment of glass I could find.

Put it to your wrists. Cut. Do it.

I brought the sharp shard of glass down to my left wrist, my perfect skin. Breaking the surface of my skin, little beads of red already pooling to the surface. The cut wasn't small but it wasn't deep either. It hurt like hell but I'd been craving this type of pain for so long and I finally got it. I found my release. Glass to skin. Back to the drawing board, Austyn. Back to square number uno.

You did it. You finally made it. Congratulations, Austyn.

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Okay so i really hope you enjoyed this chapter!

If you did then VOTE!

And btw guys im in no way trying to encourage self harm. AT ALL! I just felt like I should include this chapter because you were gonna have to find out out why she cut in the first place. And plus the title clearly says "Heal The Scars" its not just some fancy title I made up. There's a huge story behind it. Im sorry if I offended you in anyway for all of you who do self harm. Im here if you need me. Just a click away. Feel free to message me if you need anyone to talk to or just someone to cheer you up. Im here. I love you guys so dearly like you cant even imagine how much i love you guys.

Thanks for 900 reads too!!

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