Heal The Scars

Im a Big Girl

-Austyn's POV-

I'm not sure if I want to talk. I don't think I'm stable enough emotionally to hear him tell me how Brittany ended up with his jacket. And even if he does tell me, that will not change my mind on how I feel about him. I will never trust him as much as I did before. Yes, this is the first time something like this happened and I know I'm expected to forgive him but I just don't know if I can. He put our budding relationship on the line. This is his fault, not mine. He chose to go for a "walk" that night, not me. He could've just stayed home and we could've figured this mess out ourselves without Brittany throwing his jacket at my face in the fricken mall 12 hours later.

I feel the mattress dip beside me and my eyes focus in on Hunter sitting at the edge of my bed. His close proximity urging me to scoot away but I resist. I cant treat him that way. We're still a couple after all, I think.

He looks at me for a few seconds and I think he notices the frown settling on my features and glances away quickly.

"First off, Austyn I want to say how sorry I am for lying to you. I know I should've came straight out and told you the truth but I have no clue what was going through my mind yesterday. I can't stress how sorry I am. I really hope you forgive me but I completely understand if you dont. You have all rights to be angry at me. I deserve every bit of anger you have, or will direct at me." I don't recognize his palm on my cheek until he finishes speaking, brushing the small strands of hair from my face as he waits for my answer. I have no words, all I can do is nod.

So he continues," You're probably wondering why I stopped so I'll continue now. So yes, I did go for a walk that night and I was walking for what seemed like hours until I stumbled upon a bar. Not just any bar, but the bar that-that..." He pauses and looks up at the ceiling as if its too hard for him to continue.

"Austyn, there's something else you must know. I'm gonna put it all out on the table....I-I was an alcoholic before I met you and I guess I kinda still am. And that's the bar I went to almost every night to drink away my problems. You're probably wondering how I got alcohol if Im a minor but the bar owner is a friend of mine or was a friend of mine until I finally got some sense knocked into me and stopped. I got shit faced every night and when I saw that shitty brick building standing there with the "OPEN." light on after 2 years of not having a single sip of whiskey, the image of your bloody wrists in the back of my mind, I just couldn't resist. I had to do something to get that piercing image out of my mind and that's the only way I knew how. Well, I got shitfaced drunk and out of nowhere Brittany stumbles in, she sees me, how drunk I am, and she asks to drive me home. Well we ended up at her house, not here and she forces herself on me... And me being the dumb ass I am, I let her. I did something that I regret painfully. But, before I tell you I just want you to know that its okay if you want to go after I tell you this. You dont have to hesitate not even for a moment, Austyn. Not one second." What? Did he and Brittany...you know? Oh God, Oh God, Im hoping and praying that they didnt. I wouldnt be able to live with myself let alone him if he did.

"Hunter, just please tell me. I can't take it any longer."

A huff leaves his lips before he replies. "Austyn, we shared a kiss. But only one and she kissed me, not the other way around."

What? Im disgusted, unable to hide the deep frown taking over my features. My eyes flutter close and I take deep breaths before opening them again. "Y-you kissed her?" I ask him. Maybe I didn't hear him right the first time. Maybe my ears were fooling me. They had to be.

"No, well, yes. She kissed me but-"

I place my hand in the air, signaling him to stop speaking "No buts Hunter. You kissed Brittany. Do you know how much I hate her?! And you have the balls to fucking kiss her?! I can't believe you!" Before I know what im doing, my hands are against his chest and we're no longer sitting. I shove him back with each passing second, ignoring the moisture on my cheeks.

I shove him until he's against the wall and my fists are banging against his chest, "Get out and stay out! I don't want to be anywhere near you!" I turn away from him to hide my face and wait for the door to close. I dont want him to see me cry.  He'll probably use it against me just like he used one of my insecurities against me. He knows good and well that being replaced is one of my overbearing weaknesses and he uses it against me.

I wait for the door to close but it never comes. I hear the scratching of his boots against the floor as he comes nearer, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I ignore the goosebumps rising on the back of my neck as his skin touches mine but I dont give into temptation. He's not gonna win this time. My mind is set and there is no changing it.

"Get out!" I shout again, moving across the room to stand next to my nightstand. I have to be far away from him as possible. I can't have him sneaking his way into my mind and controlling me like hes done plenty times before. But he's stubborn. Too fucking stubborn for my liking as he marches forward, taking my cheeks into his hands, "Austyn please just let me help you."

"Help me?" I let out a chuckle. "You want to help me? Well news flash Mr. Perfect, you can't. The damage has been done. Im broken and I cant be fixed so the only way you can help me is to get out!" My arm swipes across the nightstand, knocking the lamp over along the way and it shatters into a billion small fragments. In a way im just like the lamp.

Broken.

I lunge for the next thing closes to me, breaking everything in my wake until im surrounded by fragments of glass.

Glass.

Sharp.

Skin.

"This is what you wanted right, Hunter?! You created this. Im your work of destruction." I wave my hand in the air between us, "This is all your fault."

He's silent so I take it as a cue to keep going, "So if you dont mind, I'd like to continue what I started a few days ago. Goodbye now. Your work here is over. I think I can finish myself off, you know. Im a big girl. I can do things on my own."

I give him the widest smile ever despite the never ending tears pricking my cheeks.

Im a work of destruction after all. Why not finish?