I Wish I Could Say It Was a Mistake

Chapter 28: Don't you call him what you used to call me

"Harry? What are you doing here?", I ask, surprised.

"We need to talk."

I frown. Niall must've told him about last night. I move to one side to let him in.

"Who is it?", shouts Emma from the sofa, but soon finds out as we walk in the living room. She stands up suddenly and says, "Oh, Harry. We weren't expecting you."

"Hi, Emma.", he mumbles, and she smiles back.

"Emmy, do you mind leaving us alone?", I suggest.

"Sure. I had to go shopping anyway. Text me, ok?"

"Yep."

She walks out of the room and Harry and I stare at each other in silence until we hear the front door shutting. Then, he scratches his neck and sighs.

"Why are you here?", I ask with a worried look.

Is he here to shout at me for what I did? To tell me that I'm a wh*re?

"I just...", he begins, "Layla, I just have to know.". He stares at me for a few seconds and I wait for him to find the words, "What do you feel for me?", he whispers, finally.

"What?", I let out. I've understood every word, but I haven't processed them. "Why are you asking me this?"

"I've realised I've always been very honest with you, but you've never told me what you feel for me."

I laugh. He's always been honest with me?

"This has got to be a joke.", I mumble, shaking my head. Harry frowns, so I continue, "You really think I'm stupid, don't you? You think I haven't noticed all the other girls you talk to, but I have."

Harry takes a step back, "What are you talking about?".

"Never mind.", I sigh. I must sound like a psychopath right now.

"Is this because of what Jojo said last night?"

"Jojo?", I ask, surprised. Jojo must be the girl Harry was with last night. I remember how she told me Harry wasn't into serious relationships.

"Look, I've had this stereotype on me for years now. Everyone thinks I'm a 'womaniser' but it's not true. I'm tired of saying that I'm not like that, but everyone ignores me. I expect it from paps, from people who don't have anything better to write about or from those who believe everything they hear. But you? You among everyone should know that I'm not like that. I think I've proved to you that..."

"You've proved nothing to me.", I state, turning my gaze to one side.

"Why? Why do you keep saying that?"

"Helena? We work together, literally right in front of each other. You really thought she wouldn't tell me you two had something going on?"

Harry starts laughing and I frown. Why is this funny? I don't get it.

"Helena?", he asks, and as I nod, he starts laughing again while shaking his head. Then, he lets out a grunt and clears his voice, "Helena and I never had anything. She was all over me, but it wasn't mutual."

"But you went on a date..."

"Date? When?"

"Before releasing Lights Up. You were supposed to go with me..."

"Oh, that wasn't a date. I couldn't tell Mr. Furt that I didn't actually need anyone, so I had to take Helena in when she came. I just gave her some work to do and that's it."

"You were texting, though... "

"About work. She's the assistant to the person organising the cover for my new album. Look, check if you want to."

He hands me his phone, but I reject it. I still don't know what to believe. It would make sense that Helena made everything up, because she lives for the drama. Anyway, I can't get myself to trust Harry yet.

"And what about last night? I saw you with... Jojo? "

"Jojo's a friend, what are you talking about?"

"Yeah, well she must be a close friend."

"Layla, you took Niall home so don't talk to me about close friends."

I feel my face go red. I open my mouth but I can't think of anything good to say.

"You're right. It was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that.", I whisper.

Harry shakes his head, "What do you feel for me? I need to understand this.". I think for a few seconds. As I'm not answering, he goes on, "Look, I know this might sound a bit intense, and you'll probably think I'm exaggerating but I really like you, Layla, and I really wanted to have something with you. I thought..."

"You wanted?"

"Well, now I don't know anymore. I don't know who you are. That's why I'm here. Tell me, please, are we friends or are we more? As I'm walking towards the door, I'm not sure. Cause if you say you want me to stay, I might change my mind."

I think again, trying to piece my feelings together.

"I don't know. I really enjoyed spending time with you. I also got the impression that we might end up having something, but then Helena..."

"Please don't start with that again.", he interrupts.

"But then Helena started bragging about how you two were so close and I believed her. I... I guess I didn't want to get hurt so I started to distance myself from you. I couldn't understand why you would want to be with someone like me, so it made sense that you'd look for someone else. And then..."

"And then Jojo."

"Yeah. I don't know. I'm just tired of people playing around with my feelings, and I felt so stupid for thinking you were different. Obviously, I didn't know it was all in my head then. I was so upset because of what Jojo said that I didn't think properly. I'm so sorry about Niall, honestly. It was all my fault. He didn't know anything."

Harry stares at the floor blankly. God, say something, please. 

"Thank you.", he whispers. I lift one eyebrow in surprise, and he repeats, this time louder, "Thank you for telling me this."

"So you don't hate me?"

"No. I don't hate you. Just... promise me you'll stay away from Niall."

"Yes, of course. He probably doesn't ever want to see me again anyway, and I would understand if you felt the same way."

Harry doesn't answer, and I start to regret having said that. It's probably true, but I wish with all my heart he'd say it was all ok and we could give it another chance.