I Wish I Could Say It Was a Mistake

Chapter 33: I get the feeling that you'll never need me again

"I don't get it.", says Emma, once I finish telling her what happened.

I watch her lift her arms up and stretch one of her legs to the front.

"Maybe you could come to the social gathering too.", I suggest.

"What's a social gathering anyway?"

"A party, just less party-ish."

"That doesn't make sense."

She stands up straight, frowns at me and then moves into another yoga position.

"Do you think he's forgiven you?". I don't answer, so she stands up straight again and looks at me concerned, "What do you want, Layla?"

I shrug, "That doesn't matter."

"You still like him, don't you?"

I nod and look away, "I don't want to get my hopes up, though. He probably only wants to be friends anyway."

"You don't know that."

"Please come with me."

Emma takes a step forward and puts her hand on my arm, "Sure. Just ask Harry. I'm sure he won't mind."

I take my phone out and search Harry's number. 'Today was fun, although I hope you learned a bit from my singing😜 Btw can Emma come to the social gathering?', I type. I doubt for a few seconds but I finally send it.

As hours go by and Harry doesn't answer I start regretting the message. Maybe he didn't like the joke. Or maybe he doesn't want Emma to come but doesn't know how to tell me.

Days go by and Harry still doesn't answer. I consider sending another message but I can't think of any way to fix it without sounding weird.

"Maybe he changed his number.", Emma considers.

"We texted the morning before I went to the studio. He would've told me if he'd changed his number."

"Just call him. He might have a thousand messages and hasn't seen yours."

"And what do I say?"

"The party is tomorrow. Ask for more details."

"Social gathering.", I correct her.

"Whatever."

I take my phone out and search Harry's number. Maybe Emma's right. Maybe he didn't see my message.

I breathe in and press call.

"Hello?"

"Harry?"

"What's up?"

He sounds a bit more distant than normal, as if he didn't feel like talking to me or even as if he was ashamed of talking to me.

"I was just calling because of tonight. You said you were doing a social gathering?"

"Oh, yeah, right. Um...", he mutters.

"Is it still happening?"

"Yeah, it's just...", he begins, and I wait for him to find the words, "I'd rather we saw each other another time, if you don't mind."

"Sure. I have lots of work to do anyway, don't worry."

"Thanks. Well then, bye."

Before I can answer, he hangs up.

What was that? Why did he change his mind? 

What did I do wrong?

Emma looks at me with pity, but I shake my head and leave the room. I need to be alone right now.

I lock myself in my room and let myself fall on my bed, hiding my face between the pillows.

Why does this always happen to me?

I should've seen it coming. I shouldn't have let myself fall for him again.

Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I deserve this. After all, there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands. 

If I hadn't been so stupid that night with Niall we might have worked this out. If I hadn't believed Helena, maybe we would've been happy together. If I hadn't been so f*cking stupid...

He's probably moved on now anyway. He's probably already met someone else. Or maybe he just doesn't want to be with me.

What am I now? What have I become? What if I'm someone I don't want to be around? I can't even recognise myself lately. I used to be so strong, but Harry makes me weak.

More importantly, what am I to him?

He said he cared and he missed me too, but I probably don't mean anything to him now. 

It's funny because I can't think of anything other than him. What if I'm someone he won't talk about?

But why, why did he change his mind?

"Layla?", Emma knocks on my door and sticks her head out, "I think you should see this."

"What's going on?", I ask, sitting up and brushing my eyes.

Emma sits next to me and hands me her phone.

"Fans are going crazy. Apparently all the boys came to Harry's social gathering."

I look at Emma's screen and see a selfie taken by Niall in which the four One Direction members appear.

"He might've canceled because Niall was coming.", Emma mutters, and I nod. Yes, that would make sense, "Did you know he's doing a concert tomorrow?".

"Have you been stalking him?"

"Just a bit. Anyway, I had an idea..."

"Oh, God."

Emma stares at me with that 'I've thought of a plan that will be fun but will ruin everything' look.