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E l e v e n

Unedited

(Warning*)

After we had eaten we went back to our room so the boys could grab some stuff. We got into the car, Casey driving this time, Tom and I in the back. About 15 minutes we arrived at some mystery building. I looked around as we got out but couldn't recognise any of it. We walked inside to a reception room when Tom pulled out his lanyard with what looked like a pass now attached to it. The receptionist just nodded before we walked down one of the many corridors and into a small square shaped room with brown leather sofas and a coffee table. We all sat down on the sofas. The boys pulled their apple laptops out of a black backpack that they had brought. It made me miss my laptop.

"Anna," Tom said sternly catching my attention, "we've decided to let you have your phone back for a while," Tom got handing my phone, "I should also say that you can't reply to any texts because there's no reception here. You can only read texts. All your social media apps we have locked so you can't open them either. Oh and we turned off your gps too." He said feeling proud. The dickhead.

I clicked on messages skimming through to see who had texted me.
I had hundreds from my mum, I felt awful knowing that I here I was sitting with my phone but unable to text her. I noticed I had a lot of texts from my best friend Connor, god I missed him so much. I was skimming through his texts when I came across one that killed me inside. He had relapsed. I instantly felt tears threaten to spill from my eyes. It was all my fault, I knew it was. If I hadn't have left I could have been there for him I could have stopped him. I'm so selfish. I didn't think of how much this would affect anyone's lives, to be honest I thought no one would have noticed. I knew my mum would be upset but I thought she'd of gotten over it, given up, moved on, forgotten I ever existed. My baby sister, Sophie needs me I know she does. There's no point in pretending when deep down you know the truth. I can't deal with this, I'm not strong enough and I hate pretending that I am.
By now tears were streaming down my face. I had to get out, I cant do it.

"Babe, you okay?" Jake asked only just noticing the tears and my red puffy eyes.

"No I'm not, can you show me where the bathroom is please?" I asked trying to wipe away the tears that kept falling. He nodded getting up. I could feel the others staring at me as I left. I didn't turn around to see their expressions but they were probably full of sympathy. I hated sympathy, I always have. I hate people feeling sorry for me, it only makes me feel weak.

We were standing outside the bathrooms when jake announced that he would wait outside for me. I entered the bathroom setting my phone down beside the sink. I stood staring at my wrists, seeing all the stories messily written on my arms. I remember when I relapsed, when I tried to kill myself, when my dad left. I blamed myself for him leaving I wouldn't believe anything anyone said, no excuses. It was my fault. I still believe I drove him away. I looked at myself in the mirror. Fat, ugly, worthless was all I was seeing. I can hardly even recognise myself anymore. I look in the mirror and wonder why someone else is starring back at me. I slid down the bathroom wall crying not caring if anyone came in or saw me like this, because this Is me, this is what I look like. Get over it or get used to it. I reached up and grabbed my phone. I thought that I might as well try to text my mum and Michael. They were two of the most important people in my life and since I have my phone I can try, for them. I texted my mum first,

'Hi mum, I just want to start by saying I'm alive, obviously. I love you and Sophie so much. I don't know if you'll get this text but If you do you can't reply. I'm not supposed to have my phone. Okay? I just want to repeditely text you saying I love you and miss you. My kidnappers aren't all that bad, well I mean they're bad but they don't hurt me or anything. I you always told me I fall for someone who, in the end would end up hurting me but I don't think I have. I think I fallen in love with one of my kidnappers. Ever since I first met him I knew I liked him, I just never wanted to admit it I guess. I don't know where I am sorry. The only thing I want to say is I'm fine (and I'm sorry) I'm 18, I can defend myself If I need to.
Bye mum, I hope to see you soon,
Anna xx'

I tried sending it but it kept failing. I tried once more and it sent! It really sent! I couldn't believe it. My mum finally has the reassurance that I'm still alive. I deleted the text to hide any evidence. I next decided it was time to text Connor. I didn't know what I was going to say yet but I guess I was just going to go with the flow.

'Connor, I love you so much. I miss you more than you could ever imagine and I'm sorry for not being there when you relapsed. I'm not supposed to have my phone so don't reply please! Stay strong buddy I haven't stopped thinking about you. I think I've fallen in love. I still wear the necklace you got me. I never take it off. It probably stinks haha. I'm scared, there's no point in trying to hide it because I am and I need you, I need one of your special con hugs that always makes me feel better no matter what happened. I love you forever and always, your favourite bæ'

After it sent I deleted the text. I got up feeling a little better than before. I opened the heavy bathroom door to see jake still standing. He gave me a sympathetic smile before grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers.
We walked back to the room, silence filling the air. Jake released my hand as we walked in through the door. We sat back down on the sofa. I looked up to see Casey starring at me as if he knew something more than the others. I gave him a questioning look but he only shook his head at me. What was I supposed to know that I didn't already?

I unlocked my phone deciding to flick through my photos to try and cheer myself up a bit. I found a few videos near the beginning of my camera roll and decided to watch them. I turned the volume off and pressed play. I instantly recognised the video, it was when I got my lip pierced. I took the piercing out not long after but I still have the jewellery in case I ever wanted to wear it again. I got the Vertical Labret lip piercing which is basically a vertical piercing directly through the lower lip in which both ends are visible. One of the reasons I took it out was it was weird when kissing someone and I would usually end up taking it out (not that i kissed many people.) It also annoyed me when wearing lipstick.

After an hour or two it was time to go. Tom took my phone back as he packed all their stuff away. We all got back into the car. Tom drove this time. When we finally got back to the hotel I was exhausted. We walked back inside and up to our room. I flopped onto the bed not even caring if anyone was watching. After lying down for 10 minutes I went into the bathroom. I locked the door not wanting anyone to disturb me. I dug through my dirty red makeup looking for my lip jewellery. I found the little plastic box I kept them in. Opening it I took out the silver ring. I unscrewed the little ball, them trying to find where the piercing was. I pushed it through slowly stopping every time it got sore. Finally it was through and I screwed the little ball back on. It was definitely very fiddly but worth it. I stood in front of the mirror for a while just starring at it and pulling weird faces. I didn't realise how much I missed it.

I walked into the living area to find all 3 boys watching what looked like a horror film. I sat down on jakes lap making him jump a little. Once he realised it was me he wrapped his arms around my waist. He snuggled his head into the back of my neck making smile.
I turned around to see Casey staring at me, I gave him a confused look but he just shook his head.

"Nice lip ring," He said poking it. I playing slapped his hand away laughing at him as he pretended to be hurt. I got up not wanting to watch anymore of the horror film and walked into the bedroom. I got changed into one of jakes oversized t-shirt and got into bed. I kept my underwear and socks on as my feet were cold. Just as I lay down jake came into the room. He smiled at me before heading to the bathroom. It came out a few minutes later wearing just his boxers and carrying his clothes. He dumped them on the floor before joining me in bed.

"When did you get your lip pierced?" He asked sounding confused. I laughed a little at his confused face before replying,
"I got it pierced a while ago I just never really wear a lip ring because apparently my mum doesn't approve or something." I said laughing at the end.
"I think it suits you," he said smiling sweetly, " but I like it better without it 'cause it's easier to kiss you then." He leaned in pecking my lips. I smiled at him before taking in out only because I've always had this fear it will get caught in my duvet or pillow case. So yeah basically. I set it on the little bedside table before lying down next to jake. He pulls be closer to him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and entangling our legs before we fell asleep.

Another late update, sorry. I have writers block😁

I'm also getting braces soon, I'm scared🙈