Saddle up

Chapter Twenty-One

*Trigger Warning* Suicide attempt*

I watched Cole drive off. I almost forgot Brant was there until I heard the slamming of his truck door. When he got close enough to read my expression, he pulled me into a hug. I let Brant hold me for what felt like forever, silently crying into his shoulder.

"That bad, huh?" Brant whispered.

"Yes", I choked between sniffles.

"Is there anything I can do?"

I sighed. "My parents are out of town until tomorrow morning, mind if I stay with you?"

"Is that seriously a question? Of course you can stay with me, babe."

I grabbed some clothes and toiletries and locked the house up before meeting Brant back in his pickup.

We rode back to the ranch mostly in silence. When we pulled up to the house, Brant told me he was going to check on the horses once more before bed so I headed into the house to shower.

I thought that I'd feel better after talking to Cole and breaking it off for good, but for some reason I couldn't shake this concerning feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The look on Cole's face when I told him the truth about the other night kept replaying in my head and the hot shower didn't seem to help calm my nerves like it usually did. After awhile, I gave up and climbed out of the shower, dressed, and headed back out to the kitchen where Brant was taking a tea pot off the stove.

He smiled at my presence. "Hey you, feeling any better?"

"Not really." I responded dully.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I sat down at the kitchen table and watched as Brant prepared two glasses of tea before joining me at the table. He was still watching me, patiently waiting for a response.

"I think I made a mistake telling him the truth."

"Ok...why do you say that?"

"It really crushed him...like, he was just as stunned as I was at learning that he was actually capable of something like that. It really shook him, and I immediately regretted even telling him. I don't know, for some reason I feel horribly guilty that I didn't just let him live in ignorance about the whole ordeal."

"Ok, I get what you're saying, but you said yourself just the other day that you wanted to prevent this from happening again. You couldn't have done that if you never told him the truth."

"I know, I know, it's just...I still feel horrible about it."

"Jess, you did nothing wrong, and if I'm being totally honest, I feel like he deserves to feel the way he's feeling right now. He really hurt you. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well." Brant reached for my hands and pulled them across to his mouth, kissing them softly. "I get why you're upset, but you did the right thing...try to find comfort in knowing that at least."

I agreed, defeated, and slowly sipped at my tea while Brant warmed up some leftovers for dinner.

When we finished eating, We made our way back to bed. Brant left me while he went to wash up. I tried to stay awake until he was finished but the stress from the day had totally fatigued me and before I knew it, I was in a deep sleep.

I woke up early. Brant wasn't even awake yet and the sun was just barely up. I climbed out of bed quietly and went out the the kitchen to put a pot of coffee on and cook some french toast for Brant. I was feeling MUCH better now that I'd had a good nights sleep. Everything always seemed less stressful in the morning.