Saddle up

Chapter Twenty-Three

I was startled awake by my phone alarm. After silencing it, I rolled over in bed to find Brant had already gotten up without me. I crawled out of bed and went straight for the shower. I washed up and dressed quickly so that I could get a head start on stall work before Chase made it in.

I glanced around the ranch on my way to the barn to see if I could spot Brant anywhere but he wasn't anywhere that I could see but the horses were all out to pasture already. I donned my gloves that Brant gifted me my first week on the job and started shoveling. I tried to focus on my work to distract myself from thoughts of the decision I had made last night to end things between Brant and I. I was 5 stalls in by the time Chase showed up for the day.

"Sup pretty lady!" , Chase said, popping his head into the stall I was working on.

I smiled at Chase, thankful for his upbeat personality that always put me in a better mood by just being in his presence. "Hey buddy. Don't worry, I left the rest of the stalls for you.", I replied with a smirk.

Chase chuckled and headed down to the next stall. After a few moments I heard music flood throughout the barn from Chase's portable Bluetooth speaker. My knees nearly buckled beneath me when the next song came on. The Scientist by Coldplay...this song haunted me all summer, the familiar lyrics echoed throughout barn and suddenly I felt tight in the chest. I dropped the rake and ran for the barn entrance to get some air only to crash right into Brant's solid frame as soon as I turned the corner out of the stall.

I was already hyperventilating at this point. Brant gripped my shoulders and steadied me, looking at me with a mixture of emotions in his eyes.

"Jess, what is it? Are you ok?" His touch alone sent sparks right through me as usual. My gaze met his, silently wondering if he felt it, too. I shook the thought from my head.

I pushed away from Brant and steadied myself. "I'm fine, I just...need some air.", I said between gasps. With that I walked out of the barn and settled at the picnic bench. I could still vaguely hear the song playing in the background but I tried to think about other things. Brant didn't follow me out of the barn thankfully but I could still feel his eyes on me from the entrance of the barn. He was trying to respect my wishes to keep things professional between us from here on out. Even so, I could see the internal struggle in his eyes. I felt exactly the same way.

After a few moments the song was over and an obnoxious song by Kid Rock started playing. I got up and headed back to work in the stalls. I saw Brant out the back of the barn heading to feed. He didn't ask for any help, thankfully. After stalls and lunch, a little white CRV pulled up and out of it came a beautiful blonde woman and a little girl that was almost an exact replica of her. They made their way over to the barn.

I met them at the entrance and the little girl beamed a friendly smile up at me.

"Hi! My name's Sarah, I'm here to ride a horse today!, she nearly shouted.

I giggled and crouched down to her level and shook her hand. "Hi Sarah, my name's Jess. We're certainly happy to have you and your momma here to ride some horses today! I'll show you two to the riding arena where we can get ya both fitted with some helmets. Come along this way.

Both Sarah and her mom who introduced herself as Cameron, followed me down the hall, past the office and into the arena. Before I could get them fitted, Brant showed up.

"That's ok, Jess. I can take it from here" Brant said, placing his hand on the small of my back as he passed by. It sent shivers down my spine, and I could feel Brant's gaze on me for a moment trying to read my emotions, but I was too distracted by the look on Cameron's face when her eyes rested on Brant. It was a familiar look. Probably the same stupid look that I had on my face the moment I met Brant. I watched as her cheeks pinked as Brant introduced himself to her and Sarah. I immediately tensed at the exchange between them. I had to leave the arena and head back to my stall work so I didn't look ridiculous standing there staring at the 3 of them. I couldn't believe the amount of jealousy I was feeling over one stupid look. I had never been a jealous person— at least not until now. I used the emotions I was feeling to drive me harder in the stall work. I finished my line of stalls quickly and went over to the stall Chase was working in to help him.

He flashed me that playful smile of his when he saw me enter the stall. We worked well together while we chatted and joked. We finished up the last of the stalls in no time and headed out of the barn to find more work to do. Chase decided on emptying, scrubbing, and refilling all the large water bins for the horses. I started towards the pasture to pull a horse and start grooming and hosing them down so the heat was a little more bearable for them. Most of the horses enjoyed it. I peaked into the arena as I passed by from outside. Sarah and Cameron's session was just about done. Sarah was putting the helmets back and Cameron was standing with Brant by the office—a little too close for my liking— she laughed at something he said and it took everything in me not to roll my eyes. What bothered me most was the fact that Brant didn't even look my direction when I walked by. I knew I had no right to be upset about it, but I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that it upset me. Brant was never much of a talker, but he seemed very invested in the conversation he and Cameron were having.

'Why are you so angry...?' , My subconscious sneered.  'You did this to yourself. You had him and then pushed him away, and now he's flirting with some hot blonde while you're cleaning up horse poop.' I rolled my eyes once more at my own thoughts and kicked the dirt in front of me. I couldn't wait for this work day to be over with so that I could go home and go to sleep. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

I was just finishing hosing down Chief when Cameron and Sarah made their way out of the barn. Brant was walking with Cameron, still deep in conversation. Sarah shouted over at me. "BYE JESS!" I smiled and waved as Cameron loaded her into the car. I walked around the other side of chief and peeked over at the car. Brant opened the car door for Cameron and gave Sarah a high five through the back window. He waved as they drove away. Brant made his way back towards the barn, and walked right past me without even a glance yet again.

I know that I had no right to be upset. I made this decision. I told him I wanted a professional relationship and nothing more. But this hurt. It was hard adjusting back to that when you use to mean so much to a person. I swallowed down the lump in the back of my throat and finished up with Chief, taking him down to his stall and helping Chase collect the rest of the horses out front while Brant collected the ones from the back. Once everyone was in their stalls we gave each horse their dinner of grain and hay and I headed towards my old Honda after saying bye.

"What, not spending the night tonight?" ,Chase joked from behind me as he followed me out of the barn, headed for his pickup.

I mustered the most convincing chuckle and smile that I could before climbing into my car and waving goodbye to Chase.

When I got home I grabbed the mail and headed towards the house. I shuffled through the pile on my way inside and stopped in my tracks as I came across a letter addressed to me from Cole. I threw the rest of the pile on the counter and ran up the stairs towards the bathroom. Once inside, I started up the tub and undressed. Once the tub was full I climbed inside, letter in hand. I seated myself and carefully opened the envelope and unfolded the letter from Cole...