Saddle up

Chapter Twenty-Two

I listened to the soft sound of Brant's breathing. I could just make out the silhouette of his face from the soft glow of the moon shining through the sheer curtains. He was so perfect. I reached over and brushed my hand over his cheek and scruff on his face. Brant moaned softly and rolled towards me, reaching and pulling me to his chest. I buried my hands into his hair and kissed him gently, tears rolling down my face. When he fell back into a deep sleep, I slipped out from his arms and off the bed. I grabbed my phone and clothes and quietly made my way out of the bedroom. Once in the family room I shoved my clothes on and as quietly as I could, creeped to the door and unlocked it.

"Jess?" Brants sleepy voice startled me.

He made his way down the hall and flipped the light on, making us both squint. Brant had a look of hurt and confusion on his face.

"You're crying..." Brant closed the distance left between us and pulled me to his chest. I inhaled deeply, savoring his scent, and silently weeping into his shoulder.

"Why are you sneaking out in the middle of the night like this?"

"Brant, I..." I paused, trying to regain my composure before continuing. "I can't stay here anymore."

"What? Why?", he said, grabbing me by the shoulders and pulling me away so that he could see my face.

I looked down to the floor, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong", Brant whispered, wiping a tear off my cheek with his thumb and forcing me to look up at him.

"I don't deserve you, Brant. I don't deserve any of this." I tried to pull away but Brant held my shoulders firmly, keeping me in place.

"What are you talking about, Jess? This is about what happened to Cole? I told you, that wasn't your fault. You can't punish yourself for his actions!"

"Brant, it is my fault! I don't deserve to be happy in a relationship while Cole sits alone in a hospital!"

"Please don't do this...", Brant said, tears welling in his eyes. "You promised me."

His words broke me. I did promise him. I promised I'd never leave him again, and here I was doing just that.
"Brant, I...I just can't do this right now. I need some time."

A single tear rolled down Brant's cheek and it took every ounce of my strength not to fall into Brant's arms and comfort him, but he was better off without me.

"So you were just going to sneak off in the middle of the night not saying anything to me?"

"I was trying to avoid this! I was going to tell you once I'd composed myself. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

We were both quiet for some time, just staring at one another.

"Look Brant...I want to thank you for taking a chance on me and giving me this job. It truly helped me in more ways than I can say..."

Brants expression read pure anguish at this point. "Wait, so you're quitting now?!"

"I don't see any other way. This will just be harder if we have to be around each other everyday."

"No. Don't leave. We need you here. I swear, you won't even know I'm here throughout the day if this is truly what you want. I won't look at you, I won't talk to you, nothing. If this is really what you want, I'll respect your wishes. Just please don't quit.", Brant pleaded desperately.

I thought about it for a moment. I knew they needed the help around here, and I could control myself around Brant as long as he stayed away....I would miss the horses and Chase and...Brant if I left.

I sighed and nodded my head in agreement.

Brant looked slightly relieved, but still devastated. He moved in close to me again, grabbing my hand and pulling me into him.

"At least spend the night with me...please. Sleep on this decision."

I wanted to refuse and leave, because I knew that's what would be best and easiest for both of us, but I couldn't say no to Brant. He pulled me back to his room. I stood facing the bed and listened to him quietly closing the door behind me. He walked up behind me and I felt his hand pushing the hair off of my neck as he leaned in and started kissing gently.

"Brant..." I tried to protest, but he interrupted me.

"Please, just one more night with me...", he whispered in that seductive tone that he knew I could never resist.

I gave up and leaned into his kisses. He pulled me closer to him and began lifting my shirt up over my head, removing it and dropping it at our feet. Brant reached up my body and found my breasts, caressing them with his rough hands. A small moan escaped my throat as I leaned deeper into him. Brant turned me towards him and gently pushed me down onto the edge of the bed. I leaned back on my elbows as he removed both my shorts and panties together so that I was totally naked in front of him. Brant came to his knees and ever so slowly and seductively began planting kisses up and down the inside of my thighs, each time getting closer and closer to my throbbing clit. After about the fourth trip down my right thigh I bucked my pelvis towards him and moaned.

"Please...", I whispered.

Brant reached between my thighs and rubbed up and down my core, feeling how wet I was for him. I moaned again in response.

Brant was staring deeply into my eyes, a mixture of emotions in his. He pushed his finger into me and watched my face as he pleasured me, his eyes never leaving mine.

Brant found my g spot immediately and started moving his finger against it. My body immediately responded, I threw my head back and reached for Brant's wrist as my core tightened around him. Brant rested a knee on the bed by my thigh and leaned over me, grabbing me behind my neck with his free hand and forcing me to look at him again as my body finally unraveled. I shuddered under Brant and moaned out. Brant's finger slowed, allowing me to ride my orgasm out as long as my body would allow. Brant didn't stop there, though. He continued, sliding another finger inside of me and picking up the pace again. He was still holding me behind my head staring into my eyes, coaxing my body to cum for him again, and he didn't stop until I was screaming out in pleasure once more. Once I came down from my second orgasm, Brant stood and removed his boxers and t shirt before leaning overtop of me once more, picking one leg up and placing it over his shoulder, and grabbing my other thigh and using it to pull me closer to the edge of the bed and into his body. He pushed himself into me with urgency and began pumping in and out. He never broke eye contact with me except for when he leaned in to kiss me as he made love to me. I could feel myself tightening around Brant once more. I braced myself on his forearms and moaned Brant's name as he pushed himself into me deeply. My body responded to Brant in a way that it never had before with any other man. It was one of the first things I'd noticed when I met Brant for the first time. The instant connection...and here I was, throwing it all away. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as I unraveled under Brant for the last time.

"I love you, Jess. So much." Brant whispered into my ear before releasing himself into me.

Still inside of me, Brant pulled my face to him and kissed me passionately. I kissed him back desperately, burying my hands in his hair and savoring the moment. I wanted this moment to last forever, but almost as if a flip had switched, Brant pulled out of me and headed for the bathroom, closing the door behind him without another look in my direction.

I silently cried as I listened to the sound of the shower. 10 minutes went by, then 15, 20, 30...I drifted off waiting for Brant.