Flourish \\ Sequel to Not a Hollywood Whore | MGK

~Real Life~

We then changed sets for another video a more deep video. I sat infront of a black back drop.

*In video*

Me:Am I okay? Do I sound okay?

Director:Its good

I looked at the camera

Me:Hi I'm Keisha Love and on January 24, 2019 I was diagnosed with colon cancer. Before the diagnoses things were just starting to get rolling. Career wise and I was doing and experiencing things that I always wanted to just like checking things off my bucket list. And then I had to experience all these things I was most afraid of. It all started one night when I was experiencing intense sharp pain attack my abdominal area it would come in a wave and I would brace and hold my breath and then it would completely dissapear. I went on with  my day experiencing this and that night my good friend Ashly convinced me to go to the E.R. They ran a bunch of tests and scans and then I was rushed into surgery to have 8 inches of my colon and the obstruction in there removed. Then after some more testing they found out it only spread to one nearby lymphnode but to ensure nothing microscopic had escaped and was floating around some other part of my body that meant chemo therapy. On the road to beginning chemo therapy I first had to deal with critically low iron, a seizure like reaction to iv iron, fertility treatment to harvest healthy eggs because chemo could render me unable to produce a child naturally. That meant daily trips to santamonica for unltrasounds and blood work. Then self induced hormone shots every night for 2 weeks, hair loss due to trauma, and just reconciling with the fact that my life was about to change in almost every conceivable way.  I had a port put in my chest for the chemo, I was sitting in  a hospital every monday from 5 a.m. to  noon, I had enough pills to keep the world healthy if it ended. I had stupid low expectations for myself, and the list of side affects chemo had for me was fatigue, acid reflux, nausea, all over hair thinning, diarrhea, constipation and nerve damage meaning I couldn't hold, drink, eat or touch anything cold. A sensitivity in my mouth that made everything feel like I had cavities and in my hands and feet a spontaneous pins and needles feeling. I remember a month into it

Tears fell down my cheeks

Me:I felt so defeated I was exhausted like- my body was exhausted. I was talking to cols about it and he was like you need to stop letting this defeat you. Stop sinking into this mind state of "sick" cause that only makes it worse. I hadn't identified as a cancer survivor I just wanted to be me. 

I wiped my tears

Me:A shift in my sense of identity struck and  I always felt like I was going into battle every monday. Like a week after chemo *sniffles* you feel like you have so much energy like you can eat any food like anything sounds good ya know your uninhibited and then chemo comes and your wings get totally cut off and then- then they really slowly grow back and your like yay I can fly again and then they just get cut off.

Megan brought me a box of tissues.

Me:When I went to the fertility clinic and they gave me my options it was really just one to have this *sniffles* surgery to have my eggs harvested at 26 an then- how difficult it might be to conceive afterwards anyway. And that- that broke me.

We took a couple minute break so I could calm down then went back into it. 

Me:Unfortunately as time goes on your body doesn't get used to the treatments its more like all of the side effects continue to compound on each other so as you go on it just gets harder and harder to recover in between treatments. Change was happening inside my body and therefore changing the way I had to live and function. I had to stop self pitying and stop thinking about it in a negative way. Eventually I just got tired about feeling badly that I was tired I had to learn to love the new version of Keisha and I needed to learn to set the bar somewhere I knew I could reach it in order to survive this. So when I felt like laying down I laid down whenever I felt overwhelmed I took a fricken break and whenever I wanted to cry I cried and trust me it happened a lot. I had to take control of it and what was happening and stop fighting it. I hired a nutritionist and trainers to make it easier to bounce back between treatments and then I found out I was pregnant. When I looked at the test I was- *smiles* I was shocked I wasn't supposed to  not be able to get pregnant not that we were actively trying to it was just one night where we didn't think about it. I had an appointment and my doctor actually recommended I get an abortion because my cancer could could back and- and kill me. There was no doubt in my mind I was having this baby, I wasn't supposed to be able to conceive in the first place and now I'm pregnant.

Director:Would you regret that option if thats the way you decided to go?

Me:Absolutely, Mateo is my world he is one *smiles* of the loves of my life.

Director:What is Mateo's full name?

Me:Mateo Joseph Baker

Director:What does his name mean?

Me:Mateo was actually my fathers name, Joseph is Cols fathers name and I gave him his dads last name because I *smiles* want it one day

I laughed off

Me:*smiles* but thats a story for a different time

*end of video*