Flourish \\ Sequel to Not a Hollywood Whore | MGK

~Laughs~

I stumbled onto the stage earning giggles from the crowd and I looked around mumbling. 

Me:so this is it huh? this is the dream, standing up here on this filthy sticky stage all alone couldn't have that so you didn't want me was that it joel?

Lara(in audience):Who's joel?

I turned facing the audience

Me:What?

Lara:who's joel

Me:my husband

Kevin(in audience):We can't hear you

I walked to the mic and spoke with agitation. 

Me:Sorry joel is my husband of four years and tonight he left

A man whoo'd

Me:thank you thank you very much, yup he left joel left , he packed up my suitcase and left oh I'm gonna have to lie to the rabbi about why joel's not there lying to the rabbi on yom kipppur couldn't get a clean slate for one f**kin day

Lara:I dont understand whats going on

Me:Me either sister, me either there are so many questions spinning around in my head.....why did he leave? Why wasn't I enough? and why did they put the stage over there against that wall instead of over here by the bathroom so you wouldn't have to listen to every giant bowel movement that takes place in there

They chuckled

Me:oh yeah clear as a bell I'm sorry Im a little drunk, its all gone everything I counted on is gone

Someone came out of the bathroom and I looked over. 

Me:Ya feeling better now

They laughed and I took the mic off the stand moving it outta the way and holding the cord. 

Me:so my life completely fell apart today did I mention that my husband left me

Many guys woo hoo'd and laughed

Me:Okay alright but did I mention he left me for his secretary she's 21 and dumb as a brillo pad and I'm not nieve I know that men like stupid girls right

Kevin:uh-

Me:but I thought joel wanted more than stupid I thought he wanted spontinating and wit I thought he wanted to be challenged you know what I mean

Lara:uh-

Me:You two are gonna be together forever

The audience laughed

Me:I was a great wife I was fun , I planned theme nights I dressed in costumes, I gave him kids a boy and a girl! And yes our little girl is looking more and more like winston churchhill everyday ya know with the big yulta head but thats not a reason to leave right?

They laughed and a man headed to the bathroom

Me:really? really after what I just said about the bathroom

They laughed and he started walking back. 

Me:walk of shame walk.of.shame

The audience was loving this bit which was amazing.

Me:I loved him and I showed him I loved him

They whistled and cheered. 

Me:all that s**t they say about black girls in the bedroom is completely true there are french whores standing around the mari district right now saying *french accient* did you hear what judy did to joels balls the otha night