Flourish \\ Sequel to Not a Hollywood Whore | MGK

~Uncensored P2~

Logan:So much that you cried on an ig live when you were on tour and weren't able to see him cause he was doing his thing. Tell me about that how do you love someone first of all what does it feel like cause I've personally never been in love

Me:*smiles* Being in love for me in a mixture of things. With Colson it comes down to connection we have very similar pasts and relate on a lot of personal issues. And then like the security of it for me is like he is someone who I can call or talk to about literally anything and he wouldn't judge me and he's someone who I feel like completely safe with

Mike:sorry to interupt but when you were going through your addiction was he helpful

Me:Oh yeah I honestly like was in the darkest point in my life I was literally minutes from dying before they got there. 

Mike:what happened after that

Me:I woke up in the hospital and they were all in there and I looked at him and it was so weird cause like we hadn't said anything it was just the look he had.

Logan:What do you think pushed you to become very close with him?

Me:Honestly he reminds me a lot of my brother just cause he accepts people who are real for who they are and doesn't give a f**k about social norms and like s**t like that and he is the only person that like truly knows every s***ty thing I've done and everything in my life and been like okay but your a dope person 

Logan:Your very good with words can you say something that is very deep to give us perspective

Me:can I read you something?

Logan:Sure

I pulled my journal out of my bag. 

Logan:Is that your diary

He said slyly

Me:No.....yes....I honeslty dont know its just a notebook I write s**t in

I flipped through the pages finding it.

Logan:Okay everyone shut up ...*smiles* go ahead

Me:Crazy how I can stare into empty space and see his smile, crystal clear as day, I close my eyes and hear his voice. I heard him say my name, I haven't written anything good since he left. Because your smile is like my brothers, your a taurus like my brother, your handsome like my brother, you get angry like my brother and I calm you down like I did my brother. Everywhere I look I see you, everytime I close my eyes your there. The summer isn't the summer without my brother. We used to spend hours there, the beach. Watching the waves crash and the sun set for those moments were pure bliss. Where did you go? Do I really have to grow old without you? Am I really alive? Are you in the stars? Is there a god? Do you walk with him? Is he a she? Is she in me? Will we ever talk again? Is it strange that I can't wait to meet my fate just to see your face again? I am looking for a brothers love in every single man. But you will never see me like my brother did, you will never need me like my brother did. Theres a black hole in my soul and its begingin to show through my dilated pupils behind lids half closed, I thought that I'd be fine by now but suffering doesn't die. It grows. Pretending to be perfect is perfectly fine for all the individuals who are perfectly fine. And grew up with money and never went through hards times. And had trust funs and much fun and grew up with their dads. I ahve never had it easy and f**k you if you dont believe me and f**k me for crying over spilled milk that I never planned on drinking. Theses drugs I take, the drinks I down, the circus like way I play with my life is just an escape. Momentarily. In hope of forgetting the pain trapped inside. Momentary sleep, momentary happiness momentary peace. I will say I dont need it around him, his oxygen is like the smoke of the most powerful drug. My body relaxes, my mind clears around him but when I'm alone. I think about you too much. My heart races, sweat pours, as I have flashbacks of all the things I've done after you. Mistakes I've made. Then I saw you, in my day dreams. Leading me to a door and when I walked through it was like bliss. Heaven, I saw you there. Everything was so quiet and still but when you looked at me I hugged you. Feeling the familiar sensation of safety and solitude. I miss you, I told you that and you told me to let you go in order for you to move on I have to forget. I begged you not to go and then you dissappeared and I woke up realising it was a dream. More like a nightmare. How dare you leave me? I was a sunken ship a drunken sip of something thick and then I took a trip. There was no captain but you were my anchor there were poisons and demons and rhymes with no reasons and strangers but there was no danger. You taught me I was plenty and you always taught me that to be complete that you have to be empty and free of all the miseries and energies that hinder me you brought me to my inner peace you taught me it was meant for me. It ends how it begins my friend until we meet again