THE OLD ME BACK

Chapter 10

"Yes, I'm doing fine," I respond to the other line when my older sister asks me how I've been doing lately. I make sure that my voice won't give a hint that I am actually not. "Why did you call me then, big sis?"

She sighs first before speaks up, "I'm missing you, Sha. When is your plan to visit us?"

"Big sis, it's just two weeks have passed, and I think they won't allow me to get home yet."

"Alright, I understand. Just call me in advance if you already want to go home so that I could prepare your favorite foods. I'm sure you're already missing it."

A hint of smile appears on my lips as I realize just now that it is true. My big sister always cooks my favorite foods and she's the main reason why I still goes back home even my life there is so miserable.

Geez. I actually don't want to talk about how my life went before, but here I look back now from the past. This is the fault of my big sis, no, just kidding.

"Sure, big sis. No problem! I will tell you really in advance. Anyway, I will prepare now to go to school. It's already six."

"Ok, Sha. Bye! Take care."

When I hang up the call, I slowly put my phone on the bed. I never expect that my big sis would call me early this morning. I lately realize that I already miss her so much. Maybe she got sulked that I never called her over the phone for the past two weeks.

Ugh! Because of my sister, I remember one time, when I was appeared to be totally wrong and none of them believes in me anymore, but there she was, chose to be still on my side.

"Alesha! Don't go upstairs yet! We're not yet done!"

My mom kept on shouting at me, very mad.

"What have been you doing in your life?! You're totally messed up! The principal reported me that you were in the guidance office, AGAIN!"

I was on the third step of the stairs when I saw my dad who was going to go down. Without other options, I adjusted and went back to the living room.

"What is that hon? What are you shouting about?" My dad asked for clarification. Nervousness started to reign in my emotional aspect instead of being annoyed by my mom's shouts.

"Look at your perfect daughter! She got into trouble again!" My mother uttered in a high pitch. She acted hysterically in which I understand then maybe because I already exceed to her patience.

"What is it again, Alesha?! Didn't you learn from that? Didn't you remember what I said?!" My dad acted hysterically too. They really are husband and wife to each other. "What's your problem, huh?! Do we lack to provide needs and reminders for you? Why are you like that now?!"

Sitting on the couch, I bow my head to the floor. My eyes are just directed on my black leather shoes while I heard their never-ending sermons. It is already irritating to my ears but I have no option but to act like I'm really listening intensively.

Yes, it's my fault. It was true that I got into trouble. I was sitting in front of my parents now, appeared to be guilty and useless. That moment, I wanted to disappear in the world and live in a very far place just for me not to feel their presence. I am really used to being a hotseat here. At the end of their sermons, they always compared me to my big sis whom they really are proud of.

"Because of what you've done Alesha, I decided not to let you study anymore in St. Jude. You're ruining our image! We're just wasting money for you when you don't value it anymore."

I wanted to cuss that moment because of anger. Unconsciously, my fingernails clutched into the couch as I managed myself to be calm still. This was happening from time to time! I can't really stand on this anymore.

"Alesha! Are you listening? You're grounded for a month! That's my disciplinary action for you and that's not enough!"

"Oh my god! What is this dad? Don't do this to Alesha! You all don't know what really happened," my big sis intervened upon her arrival from work.

I get myself sighed when I return my consciousness to current situation. I hurry myself to prepare everything so that I won't get late to my classes. Good thing I'm able to arrive on time and so I relax first on my seat as our teacher is checking something on the papers she's holding.

During our break time, I choose to be alone, as always. I hurriedly eat my snacks and I go to the library to continue the book I have read. Heading at the bookshelf where the said book is placed, I'm about to get it when someone first takes it before me. Geez. Of all these books displayed, that book is the one gotten almost the same time I'm plan to get it?

Turning the person to see who gets interest with the same book that I'm interested in, I am so shocked to find out it is the stranger. Our eyes meet each other and she just smiles a bit on me while he's holding now the book. What makes me curious about is, he does not leave on the spot where he is still standing, just a little distance from me. He just looks at my face with a hidden meaning behind those eyes.

What's wrong with this guy? I really find him mysterious.

"It's...it's fine with me, you can read that book now," I utter in a bit stuttering. Gosh, why am I like this? I should have no reason to be nervous about.

"I'm sorry," he says with sincerity.

"No, it's okay. You should not be sorry," I respond then I turn now behind him. What's the point of explaining to him whom I owe nothing?

"For what happened yesterday on the hallway, I'm very sorry."

I stop walking and for a little while, I turn my head to him.

"I wanted to intervene. I wanted to punch that guy. I wanted to help you picking up the trash. I wanted to..."

"Stop. It happened already." Then I take a deep breath. Why would he do that to me, anyway? As far as I know, we're total strangers to each other.

"Right. It happened already. And that's my fault. I fail to do anything of those, because I'm afraid you will get mad at me again."