THE OLD ME BACK

Chapter 34

Was I less enough because I could not give his want from me?

Still lying on my bed, I realized it's already midnight due to over thinking. Many times I asked myself that question and so I was still awake. Argh! Why did I keep on asking that to myself, anyway? I was getting to be crazy.

I tried to sleep in different positions but my eyes didn't cooperate, as if it had its own life. Aside from the fact that my eyes were still active, my mind was still running of thoughts. I was so occupied by the questions I never knew what to answer. Upon getting myself in the bedroom from the school, I laid on my bed directly to take time for assessing myself. I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world that I should lay right away.

The burdens I could still feel was something that it would not fade out eventually. I could not believe he was like that earlier. He's asking me for something that I didn't want to give in. And its end, he urged me to leave his car and left me there, alone. Good thing that there's a car that passed there by which was an unusual pass through for cars.

Gosh, I never wanted to cry anymore as possibly as I could. I was so tired already. Very much tired of crying.

The tears on my cheeks were already dried up after an hour of crying and sobbing. I got hurt by what happened. So much hurt that I had to endure. It tore my heart apart. He hurt me again but he left me to be guilty after what happened. I was helping myself to sink in my mind about everything because up until now, I couldn't believe it happened that way.

Perhaps, he could drive me home still and would rather respect my decision, right?

I got up early on my bed when morning came with no sleep. It's a first time that I didn't sleep in a night that passed. But I went back to my bed when I felt the sleepiness and tiredness all over my body. I badly needed to sleep before I passed out from my situation. By hearing knocks from the door, I composed myself after waking up all of a sudden. Oh no, it's already lunch time.

"Alesha! Can't you hear me?! I said get out from your room! Now!"

Hurriedly, I fixed my hair and my clothing before I opened the door. Nervousness strike me right away but I had to still face on my mom who was really furious at this very moment.

"Alesh---!" She was not able to utter my whole name because I directly opened the door. "Why don't you want to go yo school huh?! It's already 10. Can't you monitor the time?!"

Geez. I thought she's already in her office now at this very hour.

"M-mom, our teachers will attend her seminar so we don't have a class this morning," I lied but still able to respond. Anyway, I'm already on the low rank of the top in the class so why would I care about that test?

"Don't lie to me Alesha!" She shouted already. "Your classmate called our home number and I was the one who received the call. She's asking you to attend your class because you have a long test this morning!

I gulped and took a deep breath. Gosh, whoever told that to my mom, I would ignore her all the time starting now. She really disappointed me!

"Now tell me, Alesha! What's happening to you lately?! You're already usually late in school! And if you thought I don't know yet about what happened to you lately, you got mistaken!"

I was about to pass out but still I minded to speak then. "Wha--what's that, mom?"

"Explain to me about what happened between you and Hanky! Also from what happened to you in the locker room! And you got into trouble by some girls in your school! What are all those?!"

Oh my gosh! I would be getting dead!

"Who--whoever told you that thing was just a made-up story, okay?" Then I passed her by and directly went downstairs. No way she would force me to explain that because inside of me wanted to forget those and I hope those were not part of my reality I was lately struggling.

"Alesha! Don't you ever walk out like that while I'm talking to you! You're already rude!"

I still continued my steps on downstairs. Too late to realized that I was already starving, I decided to go to the kitchen.

"What's your problem, Alesha?! Tell me because I wanted to know! I wanted to help you!"

"You can't help, mom. And I don't have any problem!" I replied back, as I tried myself to keep busy by getting the creamer to my glass of coffee.

"If that's what you want, I'll sending those guys to the prison for harassment they did! I won't just let it happen without something I can do for their punishment!"

"They were already kicked out from the school, mom. You could not help more but just to keep your mouth shut."

Because of annoyance, I transferred to the living room. But since she's following me, my route got changed all of a sudden.

"Alesha! Don't go upstairs yet! We're not yet done!"

My mom kept on shouting at me, very mad.

"What have been you doing in your life?! You're totally messed up! The principal reported me that you were in the guidance office, AGAIN!"

I was on the third step of the stairs when I saw my dad who was going to go down. Without other options, I adjusted and went back to the living room.

"What is that hon? What are you shouting about?" My dad asked for clarification. Nervousness started to reign in my emotional aspect instead of being annoyed by my mom's shouts.

"Look at your perfect daughter! She got into trouble again!" My mother uttered in a high pitch. She acted hysterically in which I understand then maybe because I already exceed to her patience.

"What is it again, Alesha?! Didn't you learn from that? Didn't you remember what I said?!" My dad acted hysterically too. They really are husband and wife to each other. "What's your problem, huh?! Do we lack to provide needs and reminders for you? Why are you like that now?!"

Sitting on the couch, I bow my head to the floor. My eyes are just directed on my black leather shoes while I heard their never-ending sermons. It is already irritating to my ears but I have no option but to act like I'm really listening intensively.

Yes, it's my fault. It was true that I got into trouble. I was sitting in front of my parents now, appeared to be guilty and useless. That moment, I wanted to disappear in the world and live in a very far place just for me not to feel their presence. I am really used to being a hotseat here. At the end of their sermons, they always compared me to my big sis whom they really are proud of.

"Because of what you've done Alesha, I decided not to let you study anymore in St. Jude. You're ruining our image! We're just wasting money for you when you don't value it anymore."

I wanted to cuss that moment because of anger. Unconsciously, my fingernails clutched into the couch as I managed myself to be calm still. This was happening from time to time! I can't really stand on this anymore.

"Alesha! Are you listening? You're grounded for a month! That's my disciplinary action for you and that's not enough!"

"Oh my god! What is this dad? Don't do this to Alesha! You all don't know what really happened," my big sis intervened upon her arrival from work. She explained to them that they should let me voice out my side first before deciding everything that would really get me affected.

My god. I really wanted to cry.