THE OLD ME BACK

Chapter 39

Lying on my bed for almost five hours the moment I got home in the apartment from school is a thing that is already becomes my routine. At this very hour, I have nothing else to do because I've finished early all assignments given to us. As of now, while still lying, I can't help but to flashback some fragments of my past while listening to the song "The Scientist".

This song really makes me sad, but its lyrics, as for me, really match to what I'm going through. This journey I've been taking on is something that I forced myself just for my own sake. I feel sad, perhaps from this song, but other than that, it's an undeniable fact that no one dares to exert effort in asking me how I am right now for almost a month.

I'm alone, and sometimes, lonely. But no one misses me to be with them, maybe because I think they  also get tired of me. At the other side of my thoughts, maybe I'm not really a person to be missed because I'm not special even just to one of them.

So I decide to text my big sis and send her my "How are you?".

Just after a while, I got a reply from her.

Whoa, I miss you Sha. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to get connected to you for the past few weeks because mom and dad prevented me from doing it. How are you by the way? What are you up to?

I plainly smile while reading her text for me, though deep inside I am hurt a little.

I heave a sigh and I put my phone beside my pillow for a while.

Hay. My parents are still mad at me, and I can't blame them why they are still like that. Neither of them had ever asked me of how I have been since the moment I left home just to follow their decision for me.

I wanted to cry, but I think there's no way I should because even just for now, I wanted to rest my eyes from crying. I pity on myself whenever I cry because of this. I feel hopeless at the same time wasted.

I take my phone again from the bed and I type to reply.

Yes, I'm fine.

The best lie I usually have to say even if I'm not.

MESSAGE SENT!

I suddenly close my eyes after sending my reply to my big sis. I should suppose to reply her a long message because I really miss her so much but the enthusiasm in me have nowhere to find out anymore after knowing it.

Geez.

I hate them! I hate them so much!

All of a sudden, my phone rings. So my hands quickly grab the phone to check it out.

It's Thea, calling. Should I accept her call?

But why not? She's the only one among them who remembers me still after all.

"Yes?" I ask her with such boredom in my voice.

"Alesha! I know you could still remember me. How have you been?"

"I've been doing better," I respond, then she laughs.

"Oh really?

"Yes, whether you believe it or not. Anyway, why did you call me?"

"Oh, I almost forgot. Good thing you asked me that," then I hear her sighing out. "We're actually going to the club tonight."

"And so?"

"I remember you all of a sudden that's why I called you. We just presumed that maybe you're already bored there," she laughs again afterwards.

"I'm actually not bored."

She heaves a sigh over the line. "Come on, bitch. Why are you depriving yourself from the enjoyment?"

Gosh, why are you doing this, Thea?

"I'm not depriving myself. I'm actually enjoying," I lied just to make her stopped from influencing me.

"You say so. You, yourself, know the truth. We're just here if you would like to get here out of your will."

She hangs up the call then. I'm able to stare at my phone for a while.

Should I go?

My gosh, I'm literally confused now, given the fact that I need to be someone with because I'm feeling alone for a long time. But there's a part in my mind that dictates me not to go there.

Fine. Come what may.

"Oh my god! Alesha is here!" They all seem to be happy when they see me approaching towards them. Somehow at some point, I miss this place. The Hideout Bar. This was the place where I could find a different kind of comfort because I could be able to forget the pains temporarily by venting out my rants in life here.

"Whoa, you really must be Alesha! But what does hit your mind that you wore eyeglasses tonight? And your hair, look," somehow Thea looks disgusted of my hair because of its curl. They are not really used to see me showing that kind of hair.

"And where's the make over in you Alesha? We thought you would be prettier than before." The other friend of Thea commented.

"You really just showed on them that you are the one who lost in the game. Wake up, Alesha. Don't  be like that."

I plainly smile on them, trying to ignore their feedbacks. Upon sitting on the couch, I could clearly see how they got so pro when it comes to flirting.

"I came here for a new environment just for a while," I said to divert the topic. "I wanted to drink even just one."

"All right. Give her one bottle. Hurry up," Thea uttered while she's clinging her arms to a guy I have never seen in my life. Then they kissed each other in front of me, so I diverted my attention right away on the bottle of liquor that has just been given.

"Right decision you came here, Alesha. We really missed you a lot. For sure you really had struggled because of the adjustment without us," Thea added after kissing with the guy.

"Oh well, I find a hard time in my early days being without in the St. Jude, but I can easily adapt to the environment of the public school because I meet some new friends there." I said as if they really are interested to my story. But the truth is, I have a single friend there and that's Clyde, other than that are my classmates I feel not to be close to. And the other one, gosh, that naughty stranger. Why could I remember him easily?

"That's cool. So let's celebrate tonight for Alesha! She's back with us!"

They all cheer and yell in the midst of the rock music. After which, we drink  liquor all together from each bottle we are holding. The moment I taste the liquor again, I feel like I am relieved a bit. I wanted to taste it again and again.

I promise to myself at this very moment that it should suppose to be only one bottle just for a relief and at the same time for a  relaxation. But Thea insisted me to have another one. She said that I must savor this moment because the next time I would be here again would be surely a long time to take.

"Hey, hey, the Boylight is here!" The girl beside me shout at here, her reaction seems to be surprised and excited. The moment I hear that boy group's name, I suddenly compose myself. I find a way to disappear in this place by insisting myself in the middle of the dancing people heading to the exit. I make sure that our paths would not cross so I make a distance from them, and I hope no one from them can notice that I'm here. But before I get to have my way out, my eyes accidentally darted to him which his eyes are already on mine.

Oh my god, Denzel!