THE OLD ME BACK

Chapter 54

I'm still looking at the ceiling of my room while there are teardrops falling onto my cheeks. I guess both sides of my pillow are wet now. The whole morning I'm just lying on my bed with hangover deep inside of me. I can't help my eyes but to let the tears out while blaming myself.

This is my downfall again. Here, I'm blaming myself for how many times already.

Argh! It's so hard to overcome my addiction really. I thought drinking a little just to satisfy what my tongue longs for was just still fine. I never thought that smoking also would be the thing that I can control myself from, but I was mistaken because I did it again last night.

"Alesha?"

I easily wipe off my tears when I hear someone calls my name with a knock on my door.

"Are you just OK there? It's already noon but you never go downstairs yet."

I clear my throat when I'm about to speak. "Yeah, I'm just ok."

"Can you please open the door?" He requests.

Even though I feel so lazy to get up, I still force myself to go to the door to open it. But I make sure that my wet cheeks and eyes are already wiped off. When I open the door, I see him sighing deeply with a plain smile.

"Eat your breakfast and lunch now. Denzel cooked it for you."

"R-really?" I ask unbelievably.

"Yes, even if he got sulked because of you." I sigh after hearing that from him. "Let's go downstairs now, Alesha. Don't worry, Denzel is already in the school. He didn't disturb you but he cooked food for you. He is still sweet, isn't he?"

I could still smile despite my emotional state early this morning up to now because of what Yves has said on the last part of his statement. Yeah, I do agree. He is still sweet, but I'm worried that he would not notice me throuhout the next days because of what I've done.

Yves and I eat together while silence dominates all over the dining room. He knows and he can feel that I'm not in my good mood so he just let me talk less. Besides, we have nothing to talk about but here he is, starting to open up a thing.

"Alesha, many students there in St. Jude are wondering your progress since some of them already knew that we're board mates because of the picture I posted few days ago," he says and looks at me in the end. "I just told them that you're doing well. You are already changed."

I plainly smile while I'm chewing the food.

"You know what Alesha, it's not yet too late to get totally changed the way you desire it for yourself now. Denzel and I are there to help you. Anything you can suggest for us to help you, our hands are always ready. When you did a mistake just like last night, learn from it and that's the time you will grow."

Suddenly, I stop eating and give off my hopeful smile to him. "Thank you, Yves."

"There you smile. I love seeing you smiling. I couldn't afford my idol being sad in front of me."

After our lunch, I directly take a bath and wear on my uniform. Currently, I'm walking along the hallway when there's a guy approaches me all of a sudden.

Oh no, this is the "master" in the hallway.

"Uhmm...I'm sorry," he shyly utters then scratches his head. I'm not expecting that from him to say but I still compose myself to embrace those words because I could feel it's genuinity the way how he delivered those words.

"What for?" I ask.

"For everything that I did against you. I never thought you're going through something I didn't have any idea you're struggling with. I'm sorry that I added up burden to you."

I deeply sigh and still choose to smile even if my eyes are weakened by its tears starting to form. Could my eyes cooperate not to cry again just this time?

"I'm sorry, Alesha."

When he utters my name, I feel like I'm going to be broke any moment from now.

"Your boyfriend let me realize that we should not judge the person the way how she appears because we never know what she is going through, what is inside of her."

Those words slowly sink in my mind and when I realize there is a word that he mistakenly says, I look at him straight.

"Wait. I don't have a boyfriend," I utter hysterically.

"Huh? Then who's that guy---wait, he's coming," he says and I follow his sight so I turn behind to figure out whom he is referring to.

Upon directing my eyes to the guy I can possibly guess, I gulp when I see Denzel who is walking towards us. Some girls in the nearby can't control their sight not to lay on him. But what makes me worried is that he never lay his sight to me but to the other direction instead.

"That guy, is not that your boyfriend?" The student 'master' says while I'm focusing my attention to Denzel, hoping that he would get lost his sight to me.

But he just passes me by without giving even a short glance on me. Is he really mad at me?

"Did I actually see it? Didn't he notice you?" He unbelievably asks when he faces on me now.

I gulp and sigh.

"I have to go," I excuse myself right away.

"Hey Alesha!" I stop running when he calls my name again.

"Yes?"

"Again, I'm sorry. Can't you really forgive me?"

"Like what you have said, you have no idea of what I'm going through and we're just people who undeniably commit mistakes. Who am I not to forgive?" He suddenly smiles when I answer him his question.

Since I'm in a hurry, I hurriedly run to get to Denzel when I realize he's not already in the hallway. Argh, why is he like that?