THE OLD ME BACK

Chapter 43

Up until now, I couldn't believe I had loved a guy whom I should not suppose to love in the first place. It's not because we broke up the second time around, but he didn't deserve my love when he made no effort to know me before we get to know each other.

Here, I'm blaming myself again. The regrets are haunting me again this time.

It's already 8 in the evening, currently done eating my dinner alone. Just now, I'm over thinking why it happened that way without noticing I was on the wrong person back then. But I want to divert my attention because I don't want to dwell on it when I can't already change the past. Trying to prevent myself from overthinking, my mind suddenly remembers something. I have nothing else to do tonight but the curiosity that bothers me now will kill me if I will not feed on it. So I text Leana right away, even if there's a part in my mind telling me not to bother her. My hands were uneasy that I have to know the song that Denzel mentioned earlier when we were in the food court. So I send her a text asking if she has a copy of the song that was aired in St. Jude dedicated to me.

A minute after, she replies which makes me shocked because it implies she might not be busy now.

"She really has?!" Upon reading her reply I ask in surprise. Another text from her is sent to me, telling me to open my messenger.

Speaking of messenger, I didn't open my account for over a month already just to avoid reading bashes, offensive and negative messages. I knew they sent me enormous messages telling me how wasted and stupid I was. No doubt my messenger got bombarded tonight but what I quickly find is Leana's chat for me. Due to longevity of not opening my account, I wait for almost half hour just to receive Leana's chat. There, I click the audio that she sent.

Tomorrow morning, I wake up with my eyes swollen. I never noticed that I already fell asleep last night because of crying. Yes, I've cried because of the song I was repeatedly listening to. I was so stupid back then that I didn't recognize whose voice was because I assumed it's Hanky who sang it.

Scratch that. How could I think of that again when I got a horrible mistake?

Hurriedly, I get up from the bed and fold my blanket. After I put it aside, I directly go to the door to open it. But to my surprise, there's someone who knocks the door before I am able to open the door. Though I have the second thought to open it because this door has not been knocked ever since I came here, my hand seems like it has its own life that opens the door so wide.

"Hi!" Someone greets all of a sudden in front. By just laying my eyes on his lips that smile, I know it's him. But wait, why is he here?!

"Are you happy to see me?" The next thing he says while I am stuck right at the door. When I confirm it is really he who is in front of me, I push him away.

"Hey, why did you push me?"

"Do you really think I'm happy when I see you right now? Right here? Like seriously?" I ask hysterically.

"Can't you welcome me in here?" He asks again, his voice sounds like sulking. Don't he ever act so childish because it doesn't suit on him, just to tell him honestly. "I didn't come here for a fight, just to remind you."

"Then why are you here?! Do you think I would be grateful that you're here like I'm not avoiding you ever since?!"

He heaves a sigh and manages himself to smile still. Argh, does he really think there's a good reason to smile at?

"I don't understand why you're still doing that to me when I already told my intentions for you. But whatever ways you want to do just to avoid me, still you can't escape me. Most especially now, that I'm now your board mate."

I narrow my sight on him when he winks. "Oh really? How come you---"

"Yes, Sha. He is now our new board mate. But wait, do you know each other?" Yves intervenes that makes me trailed off a while ago. He seems very shocked but still he manages to approach us. "Do you know him?"

He pinpoints Denzel, and so I look at this guy again with a sigh. "It doesn't matter, Yves. I don't want him to be here."

"Why? Did this guy do something wrong to you?" He's concerned now as he asks that question. "Tell me, Sha. I will really get him into trouble with me."

"Yes!" I answer without hesitation.

"What did you say? I didn't, okay?!" Denzel defends himself and his smile starts to fade out. "I'm actually here to help her. That's the truth, tell that to him, Alesha."

Yves looks at me shockingly. His eyes couldn't believe what he just hears and knows.

"Did--did I hear that correctly? You are--A-alesha?" For confirmation he asks. Before I get to nod on him, he reacts already. "No way! You just look like her but you must not be Alesha!"

Heaving a sigh, I smile at him with a shame on it. There's no way I would beat around the bush here when I am given now the hint to confess the truth. "I'm sorry. I hid it from you."

As a sign of shock, he covers his mouth as he tries to process what I just said.

"Oh no, I couldn't believe you really are! But it proves right just now of my first guess about you," he expresses out while Denzel and I are listening to him. All these days that we lived in this apartment, I didn't know I'm living with the girl famous in St. Jude."

"Don't say that. There's nothing big deal about that." I humbly state.

"But for me, it is. You were the one who were looked up to by almost all girls there. For sure, almost all boys there have crush on you and you are every teacher's favorite because you're so smart." He says all those without hesitation that he might get wrong, but at some point I do agree on him.

"But everything has changed," I utter with a hint of sadness on the tone of my voice. Gosh, why are we discussing it again? I don't want to go back to where I saw myself at my lowest point. "So please, don't remind it to me again because that's a nightmare for me."

"I'm sorry. I'm the one who must ask apology." He still insists.

"It's fine. It's my fault after all."

"No, I should apologize. I'm telling negative criticism about her when I'm already telling it to you face to face."