THE OLD ME BACK

Chapter 38

It's early in the morning, I guess it's four o'clock since the sunrise hasn't shown up yet. I directly go downstairs to have my coffee. I don't know where did I get the guts to get up on the bed so early after crying overnight again. Gosh, I cried again due to over thinking and blaming myself for the past I had. As of this moment, I wanted to get relieved of what happened yesterday.

"You're early. What's the matter?" Suddenly asked by my board mate who is already sitting in front of the dining table. I just plainly smile at him instead of answering him back.

"You know what, you really look like Alesha."

I gulp when he says those words all of a sudden. But I don't show up as shocked. Just as I want to act as if nothing is meant for what he just said, I still sit on the vacant chair, get the cup and mix the coffee.

Why did I forget to wear on my thick eyeglasses? Even my braces on teeth I forgot to wear it on too.

"I'm really wondering if you're related to her because you really look like her."

"Really?"

"Do you know who Alesha is?" He unbelievably asks. Gosh, what a wrong word I said.

"No, I mean, how could I be looked like her? Just as this ugly as I am?"

"Oh, you're not ugly," he says and drink his coffee and burps. "You're doing it for a purpose, I guess. By looking at you, I can say you are naturally beautiful."

"Should I take that as compliment?" Then we both laugh. I'm not expecting this to happen, given the fact that the early morning is very cold.

"Seriously, you are beautiful. I, myself, considered to be beautiful, too. Yes, we are all beautiful. But sometimes, the beauty of a person doesn't suit to one's standard because of judgment."

I am amazed of the wisdom he conveys to me. He must be really true of his words he just uttered. There's no way I will disagree on that. But because of that, random thoughts suddenly come in my mind.

Of how I made myself to suit to Hanky's eyes back then. I could understand myself then if I beautified myself more for my own sake, but I did that thing so that he would notice and like me. How pitiful I was back then.

Wait, why did I remember that stupid thing? Scratch that.

"Anyway, we're already board mates for about a month but I never get to know your name. By the way, I'm Yves, and you are?"

"Hmm..." what name should I say? Should I tell him the truth now? "Just call me Sha."

"All right. I'll leave you here for now, Sha. I have to take a bath now."

"Go ahead." Then I drink my coffee.

As he goes ahead at the bathroom, my mind is telling me to tell the truth to him the soonest. My feeling is very uneasy whenever I know I have something to tell the truth but I just keep it in secret, keeping it to myself.

After doing my morning routines, I directly go to the school by just walking. At some point while my feet are busily stepping ahead, there's a part in me that I miss fetching to school and back to home by my driver. I miss the scent of our car. I miss sitting comfortably on a soft seat while just waiting for our arrival.

But no, I should not think that way. I should have to teach myself for being alone all the time. This is what I want, right? Then I should pursue it no matter what.

"Good morning!" Someone greets out of nowhere, but I just continue on my walk until I am able to get inside of the school gate.

"Hey, don't you know how to respond?"

Out of my control, I turn to him. From a few distance I see him smiling while his eyes are on me.

"What's the good in the morning?" I ask him in a serious tone. Geez, I hate myself again for entertaining him instead of ignoring him. Argh! I can't really understand myself.

"The morning is good every time I see you."

I stared at him and lift my eyebrow on him.

"Really? Oh well, the feeling is not the same."

"I feel sad by that," he utters, but I just rolled my eyes. "I'll go ahead, Alesha. See you at the food court."

I just let him pass me by without a response from me. I can't understand this guy why he's still insisting himself to me even if I'm literally avoiding him. It will be almost enough I guess if I will push him away.

During lunch time, I make no choice between going to the food court or in the library, just to avoid him. I'm still in our room, finishing my paper works since the deadline is already near. Most of my classmates and our teachers are expecting me to be at the top of the class. And there's no problem with that to me because I'm performing well.

"Good job Ms. Dizon! You're the first one who passed this book analysis."

I smile at our teacher while my classmates are left amazed.

Class dismissal, I'm walking alone on the corridor when I catch a group of boys drinking liquors behind the stock room. I hurriedly walk away because the arrogant might be there. But I can't escape the smoke of the cigarettes that even though I'm already getting far, I can still smell it.

Argh, I don't want to see or smell any of those. It is the gateway to my addictions before.

"Hey, are you walking home?"

His voice is suddenly heard from afar, so I step ahead quickly without turning behind. He must be really naughty! Why can't he just leave me alone for pity sake?!

"Hey, wait! Alesha, please!"

Acting as if I could not hear him, I choose to run away on the roadside. He should never know where I get home. So when the pedicab passes me by, I hurriedly call the driver and he let me ride in.

"Alesha! Wait!"

"Please make it fast," I beg to the driver as if a child asking for a candy. "I'll pay you in triple if would make a way for him to be not behind us."

"Who is that guy you are escaping from? Huh?" He asks while focusing his eyes ahead. I suddenly glimpse on the mirror and there I see Denzel panting.

"Is it your boyfriend?"

"No way," I answer right away.

"Your suitor?"

"He should not be! I won't really like him back."

"A friend?"

"Even a friend is more than enough to describe."

"So...a stranger?" The driver finally looks at me while he's controlling his lips not to smile.

"Can it be considered even if I already know about him a little?"