THE OLD ME BACK

Chapter 41

I'm already tired of dealing with them. I wanted to fix myself. I wanted to find my worth within me and not on them.

These were what I expressed out to Denzel earlier. Hard to say, yeah, but it's very true.

The realizations hit me so hard that I got to learn in handling something I fail to do before. Perhaps, I was just thirsty of attentions from people before that lately I find it so disgusting.

They just knew you externally. Everyone is there in your happiness stage, but when it comes to its opposite and trouble, they are nowhere to find out. Their attentions could not help to fix something in you. No one will help you in fixing yourself but only you, yourself.

But earlier today, Denzel wanted to help me? Does he really think he could help?

I grab the bottle of liquor and drink it right away. While leaning on the bunk bed, I suddenly looked at the ceiling for no reason.

Gosh, I really hate myself for doing it again. I thought I could stop this now but here I am, drunk again. I have already drunk 4 bottles of liquor just to ease the pain I feel. I should have slept now but I couldn't understand why I'm still drinking liquor when my hand automatically grabs the bottle.

And at this very moment, my mind is dictating me to smoke. I hate myself why I like then smoking after I accept the challenge of that guy 'master'. I hate him so much because of his deed.

Early morning comes, where I find myself sleeping on the floor. Quickly, I get up and lay on my bed. I'm trying to adjust my consciousness to the hangover that is in me. I was drunk last night, and from that I made a mistake for doing that again. Yes, I consider drinking liquor as the worst mistake.

In just a second, I decided to go downstairs for a coffee. My tongue longs for its taste while I'm on my hangover. I wanted to get relieved by the aroma of coffee after being guilty of doing a mistake again. So when I reach the dining table, I mix the brewer coffee with a little creamer and put a lukewarm water on it. I do not expect at this point that my board mate will come out from the bath room at this early hour.

"A coffee again?" He asks as he passes me by while he is just covered with a towel on his body. I turn to him and just smile.

"How about you? Have you eaten already your breakfast?" I ask back.

"Yes. Just a bread filled with cheese. Anyway, the landlady talked to me early this morning. She said that the vacant room there will be occupied maybe today or tomorrow because there is already a new boarder. I guess he schools the same where you study in."

"Oh really? That's so cool!" Then I drink my coffee.

"What's the name of your school again?" He asks out of curiosity.

"Royale High School," I answer, then he nods multiple times.

"I see. It's a public school, right?" This time, I'm the one who nods.

"I hope I can visit your school one of these days," he states while messing up his wet hair.

"Try it, just don't mind the facilities and its beautification because it's not yet that great. Anyway, what's the update from your school?" I ask him again and he just heaves a sigh. Oh god, I really miss my former school.

"Quite good. I am just annoyed by those girls who wanted to be famous there like Alesha who became famous there before."

"Oh, I see. How about the Boylight? I just heard lately that...you know. I'm not sure of what all the hearsays about." I initially open up so that he could tell more.

"I feel so sad for them. The admiration and fame their group have are slowly fluctuating. You know what, it just started when one of the members there transferred to another school. I guess it's Royale, where you school."

I'm pretty sure it's Denzel whom he is referring to. But I got curious all of a sudden why he transferred to Royale when he has already a good placement in St. Jude.

Wait, why am I getting interested to know that thing? Argh! Scratch that.

I attend to my class again after doing my morning routines. It's such a usual day that our class conducts more activities so my energy gets lost just this morning. I easily get hungry so when the lunch time comes, I go directly to the food court.

I'm now getting to fall in line when I notice that the last person who is standing on the long queue is the guy I never want to see. His bothersome that he does to me is so enough for me to deal with him still.

"Don't you ever come close to me, could you?" Right away I said when I realize he is already looking at me and seemingly wanting to step towards me. But before he could do that, I let other students fall in line before me so that there will be a distance between us. When he got finished to take his order, he turns behind and so I look away so that our eyes won't meet. After my turn, I find a vacant table to place on my food tray. Good thing I have found one so I hurriedly go there and sit comfortably.

"Hey, can I sit with---" the other student got trailed off upon lifting my eyes to him when one intervenes.

"Sorry, it's already reserved for me," he utters then put his food tray on the table in front of me. I got speechless by his act just now because he never asked me if it's just fine with me that we will share on the same table.

"Wow, so nice huh." Instantly I comment after noticing on his food which is already a little on his plate. He just continues eating it in front of me from the table he has been a while ago. Geez.

"Can't you really leave me alone?" The tone of my voice is in totally in a very serious manner in which there's no hint of gladness after knowing he's already in front of me. But he just focuses his sight to the food he is eating, acting as if he could not hear me at all. "Do you think I'm happy at this point that I am seeing you in a closer distance? No way I should be happy about it no matter how you insist yourself. You just worsen my mood, don't you know that?"

Real talk I did, but this is such a good start to know how I really feel whenever I see him.

"Hey, I'm talking to you. What did I do wrong against you that you're doing this to me then?"

He suddenly stops chewing and stares at me as if I just have said a wrong thing. Opsss...what is he thinking of me now? I don't like the way how he stares like that to me.

"Don't stare like that. You're not looking good even just a little, just to tell you honestly."

"Do you really want to know what you did wrong?" He asks seriously and out of nowhere goes back to the topic. Whoa, he just beats over my seriousness so I undeniably, I start to get tensed of the next thing he will say any moment from now.

"I'm not interested to know that."

"What you did wrong was when you didn't include me of your trap," he still insists even if I initially say to him my point. "You never gave me the chance to love you and let me feel loved by you even in just a short span of time."