the brit in bio - billie eilish

i'm not okay, i feel so scattered

title: listen before i go

olivia's POV

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we get back into the courtroom and take our seats. noah is sitting in front of us next to his lawyer and i'm clutching billie's hand for dear life.

my brother might go to juvie

i've read on the subject and it says that the maximum sentence for someone aged between 15 and 16 is two years, 17 being one of course because it's juvie. 

"thank you all for coming today and sharing your side. i have made my decision. mr noah lewis is guilty of domestic abuse and sentenced to juvenile detention for twelve months." the judge announces. he bangs the gavel and my body stiffens. noah gives me a sad, worried look and i start to shake. "you're okay, you're okay" billie comforts me, rubbing my arm up and down. i jump up from my seat and run out of the courtroom and sit on the curb outside. 

my brother is going to juvie.

i mean yeah, he's guilty but this is just.... holy shit.

shit now i have to call mum and tell her what happened.

i can't tell her about billie and i.

not yet.

mum is also quite homophobic. i'm afraid that if i came out, she'd disown me.

i take out my phone with a shaky hand and drop it on the ground accidentally. i feel arms around me and turn to see billie hugging me. "you're okay." she whispers. "no i'm not billie. i'm not okay! my brother is going to juvie!" i exclaim, standing up and making her let go of me. i grab my phone from the ground and shove it in my pocket, walking away from her. i hear her heels hitting the ground as she follows me. "olive, slow down" she tells me as i begin walking faster. "olive, i'm here for you. please stop walking away from me" she begs. i keep walking and run into finneas. i push him out of the way and walk to the bathroom, sitting on the floor. several seconds later the door opens and i bury my face in my arms, bringing my knees to my chest. "you're out of my house. i don't want you speaking to my children, my husband or me ever again. go back to manchester and stay there. faggot." a voice almost yells at me. i look up slightly and see maria walking out the door. 

after a few minutes someone knocks on the bathroom door and it opens. i see billie crouch down in front of me and put her hands on my knees. "let's get you home. okay?" she suggests. "i'm not we-welcome there anymore." i tell her. "what?" she furrows her eyebrows slightly. "maria is k-kicking me out." i explain through sniffles. "you're staying with my family then." she says, offering me her hand as she stands up. "i'm gonna have to go back to manchester bil" i deny. "no you're not. my mom will call the school and tell them you're staying with us now. you're gonna stay here until you have to leave" she argues. 

it's actually a relief. 

i don't want to go back home

i don't want to leave billie

and i don't know what would happen to noah

he'd have to stay here and i'd leave

he'd be all alone

and so would billie

"okay." i agree in a whisper. i take her hand she leads me out to her car. once we get home she starts the water in the bathtub. "get in. you need to relax, you've had a long day. finn and i are gonna go get your stuff." she explains. "okay." i nod. she pecks our lips together and hugs me before walking out the door and shutting it behind her. i take off my clothes and get in the bathtub, shutting my eyes as the water engulfs me. 

about an hour later all my stuff is in boxes on billie's floor and i'm sitting on her bed in some of her sweats and a big t-shirt of her's. i lay down a little more and billie drapes her arm over my stomach. "how're you doing mamas?" she asks in almost a whisper. "better." i respond. she squeezes me a little and kisses my cheek. "good to hear. i'm really glad you're gonna be staying with us." she tells me. "me too." i sigh and turn on my side so i'm facing her. "are you feeling any better? how does your side feel? and your wrist?" she asks protectively. "i'm alright billie, really." i assure her. "i just wanna make you feel okay. i want you to feel better." she reminds me. she's told me this many times, and i always tell her i'm alright. i guess she just doesn't believe me. "i promise bil, i'm okay." i laugh quietly and kiss her nose. "okay, good." she says with a small smile. she pulls me closer to her and presses her lips to mine gently. i grasp the back of her neck and deepen the kiss. she licks my lips and slides her tongue in my mouth. i try to fight for dominance but end up giving in.

so much for sub billie

her hand trails down to my ass and she squeezes it, making me moan against her lips. she smirks a little and moves me onto my back, climbing on top of me. she grinds her hips against me and starts sucking on my neck. i place my hands on her waist and take off her blazer, unbuttoning her shirt soon after. i run my hands up and take off her bra, letting it fall off. she tugs on my shirt and i lift it over my head, tossing it carelessly and leaving my top half fully naked due to not wearing a bra. she smiles against my skin and kisses my lips down to my boobs, sucking on both of them for several minutes before making small circles of kisses all over my stomach, trying to be gentle against the bruises on my side. she kisses the scars and marks on my forearms and wrists. "am i missing any?" she asks. "there's a lot on my legs." i tell her. she hooks her fingers into the sides of my sweatpants and takes them off, gasping at all the scars on my thighs. she frowns and kisses each of them. "you're so beautiful olive. i want you to see that. i wish i could change the way that you see yourself." she mumbles against my legs. she starts making her way up to my underwear but stops. "just because i'm not ready for you to do stuff to me doesn't mean i won't do stuff to you. is that okay?" she asks. "mhm" i nod impatiently. she smiles a little and bites the side of my thong, bringing it down to my ankles. 

she starts kissing my inner thighs. as her kisses get sloppier my core starts to throb. she presses her index finger to my folds and looks up at me, catching my eye. "i've never been with a girl before, so if i do something wrong tell me." she says. 

she's adorable.

i nod and she latches her lips to my clit, gently at first but slowly she gets harsher. she slips her tongue through my folds and back up to my clit once again. she starts pumping on finger in at a slow pace, curling it with every stroke. she picks up a slightly faster pace as she enters another finger, keeping her lips against my clit the entire time. i arch my back and try to keep in moans, biting my lip to do so. "alexa, play pigment by H.E.R." she says, making the song start to play throughout her room. the red lights along her wall shine onto her and my skin as she continues. "fuck billie that feels so good" i moan. she starts slamming her fingers deeper and hits my g-spot every time. "right there" i order, arching my back even more and grabbing the sheets, twisting them around my wrists. my stomach does flips and i slam my legs shut, only making billie pry them back open. my legs start to shake and billie replaces her fingers with her tongue, curling it harshly and making me release with a moan that was probably way too loud. she swallows my cum and sucks me dry, making me shake even more.  "you're beautiful olive. i hope that i can make you see that" she tells me as she lays down next to me. "i'm getting there. i'm not nearly as gorgeous as you though" i respond, kissing her cheek and sitting up, instantly laying back down. "fuck" i groan. "sorry" she giggles. she stands up and grabs my clothes, helping me get redressed after changing her own clothes.