i haven't spoken to noah since the fight. well, if i'm being completely honest i haven't spoken to anyone but billie since then. i've told her she can leave and go home, but she refuses. i tell her i'm fine, but she says i'm lying. she's too stubborn. but there's something sweet about her. i can tell she cares.
"you wanna go to school tomorrow mama?" billie asks. right now we're watching the office on the couch and she's playing with my hair. it's thursday today, around 8 pm i think. we went to school all day today, and yesterday for the first half until i had a panic attack and went home, billie of course coming with me even though i said i'd have maria pick me up so she could stay. "pr-probably sh-sh-sh-should" i answer in almost a whisper. billie and i have become quite close these past few days, though there's still a distance between us. she never really tells the truth when i ask how she's feeling or something like that. "alright. we'll see how you're doing in the morning and decide then." she suggests. "s-s-s-sounds g-good" i agree.
i ended up falling asleep on the couch, though somehow i woke up in my bed. that shit's crazy. i thought that only happened on my couch in england. whenever i fell asleep on that couch, i'd magically wake up in my bed. always. every single time. crazy.
i stretch and decide to go for a run. as always, i took billie's dog pepper with me and we jogged around the neighborhood. billie insists that she walks pepper, though finneas calls bullshit every time she says that. once i'm done, i take pepper back home and walk back to my house. i jog down the stairs and almost trip, waking billie up. "are you alright?" she asks in a raspy voice with a small laugh. "i'm f-f-fine" i giggle and walk to the bathroom and get in the shower.
when i finish getting ready i walk out of the bathroom and see billie is changed and sitting on the couch looking down at her phone. "how was your shower?" she asks. "it was g-g-good" i shrug and walk up the stairs, hearing her follow me. "good morning girls" maria greets us. i give her a small smile and she hands me a plate with a pancake on it and a glass of orange juice. i hear the shower turn on and billie rolls her eyes. "i think noah's in the shower" maria shrugs. "yeah. we better get going soon" billie tells me. i finish my food and she finishes her's as well and we rush out the door so we don't have to talk to noah.
we get to school and billie walks me to my locker. "i'll be right back, i have to use the bathroom." she tells me and walks off. "hey, olivia right?" some random guy leans against the lockers and smiles at me, receiving only a weak smile. "so, you're noah's sister? from england right?" he asks and i nod. "not very talkative i see. i like that. most girls go on and on about whatever bullshit comes to their mind. but not you. and i like that about you. i've seen you around a lot and i'm starting to become interested. maybe you've seen me around. maybe you feel the same way. mayb-" this dude goes on and on until he's pulled back by the back of his shirt. "stay away." billie whispers with a glare and slings her arm around my shoulders and leads me away from him. "wh-wh-wh-who was th-that?" i furrow my eyebrows. "don't worry about it mama, he's just a fuck boy that wants what he can't have." she rolls her eyes. i'm starting to feel like billie thinks of me as... hers in a way. not that i'm complaining. billie's awesome. she is so sweet and very comforting. but what she just said kind of sounds like she's saying i'm her's and can't go out with or show any interest or even talk to anyone.
not that i want to go out with or talk to that guy at all.
ew, that's straight
i'm a lesbian
too gay for that shit
and i must say, his style was NOT it.
he was wearing a thrasher shirt over a hoodie, a shoulder bag slung over his chest, gray joggers in which undoubtedly held a juul, checkered vans and a god awful fitted beanie.
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and here's the thing, if i had seen a girl in that minus the vans and juul of course, and longer hair i'd be fucked up. and if she were holding a skateboard so i know she actually skates oh my god. but because this is a guy, there's something VERY off putting about it. guys aren't meant to wear shit like that. especially the tee over a hoodie. that's for lesbians and lesbians only. never a guy. there's just some things that guys can't pull off and that whole ass outfit is one of them.
god i wish billie was gay.
i probably shouldn't think that.
her sexuality is not something for me to decide.
but if there is a god in heaven, please hear my prayers.
please let this girl be a homosexual.
"besides, if i weren't already gay seeing him in that god awful outfit would've turned me like that" she snaps and giggles.
holy shit.
i didn't think it'd work.
oh my god.
wait a second, was i thinking out loud again?
i don't think so.
"like honestly. a girl could pull that off way better. minus the juul and vans of course because ew. that is the reason i like girls. they can pull off almost anything. especially you olivia, your style is the shit." she winks and boops my nose.
holy fuck it's real.
THANK YOU LORD!
I PROMISE I WILL BE GOOD!
though she probably doesn't like me that way
but who fucking cares
billie is gay
thank you ellen degeneres
thank you king princess
thank you girl in red
thank you evann mcintosh
thank you zendaya (come on, we all know it's true)
"i didn't kn-kn-know you were g-gay" i say awkwardly. "oh, i thought it was obvious" she laughs. "do you have a problem with that?" she stops and furrows her eyebrows. "no! a-a-a-a-absolutely n-not!" i defend myself. "good because if you did then i don't know if we'd be friends" she laughs slightly and keeps walking.
we stan a queen who defends her community and cuts off toxic people
"billie, i'm a le-le-le-lesbian. obviously i d-d-don't have a p-p-p-pr-problem with it" i shrug. "holy shit really?" she asks in a happy tone. "y-y-y-yep, just d-d-don't t-t-tell any-anyone." i nod. "fuck yeah- i mean, that's cool. and don't worry, i won't tell." she says, trying to hide a smile.
note: your sexuality isn't really obvious. try to make it more noticeable so it isn't super shocking when you come out. at least in america. shut it down when you go back to australia or speak with family.
"let's get you to class belle" she smiles and drapes her arm around me once again, making me smile to myself.
