Dedicated to HerphsertFagge
"... So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?..."
~Lewis Capaldi--- Before you go
•••• •••• •••• ••••
It hurts! It hurts so much. Make it stop hurting, anyone please... Help.
"He raped me! My brother raped me and you let him, that's what he did to me, that's what you both did to me."
With that Amirah ended the call, switched off her phone and began sobbing. She was shaking as the tears poured down furiously.
What did she do to deserve Hajiya as a mother? Such a callous person. Her mother was a beast, she's denied her mother's true nature for as long as she could but now it she couldn't anymore.
"You're just making a big deal out of something that happened years back, you and your stupid nightmares." Her mother's words echoed. She covered her ears with her hands to block out her voice but she could still hear them even louder,
You and your stupid nightmares.
All her life, she's depended on her mother's arms when the nightmares came and she's always been there but now her mother was using the same pains to insult her.
She fell from where she was sitting and knelt on the floor crying.
Stupid nightmares.
Stupid nightmares.
How could her own mother hurt her this bad? She did it all for Adnan, she was there for her, she persuaded her to not tell Baba because she was protecting Adnan not because she was shielding her from the stigmatization she'll receive from the community, that was what she'd led Amirah to believe.
And for so long she believed her mother, Hajiya loved her. She was Hajiya's favorite but all this while it'd been all for Adnan, she was just her mother's pawn.
The tears didn't stop and she didn't want them to, she cried for everytime Adnan touched her and her mother never stopped him.
Teenager's urge she'd said.
"It's okay." She heard AbdulRahman's voice and then felt his hand help her up. Quietly he wiped her tears with a handkerchief.
"Whatever it is Amirah, it's not worth it."
She didn't say a word, she only collected the handkerchief and blew her nose.
"Come I'll take you home."
She shook her head defiantly.
"You don't want to go home?" He asked in a soft voice and Amirah nodded.
He led her towards in car, opened the door to the passenger's seat and helped her in before entering through the driver's seat and driving off. She didn't ask where to, he didn't tell.
On the way Amirah just stared out the window, tears streaming down her cheeks.
It was surprising how when you're hurting, you can feel it in your chest. For all the times her mother had let Adnan get away with hurting her, violating her. Every night he was in her room, he was her nightmare.
She tried to stop thinking of it, to stop the pain but she couldn't, the harder she tried, the more it hurt and the more the tears poured down.
AbdulRahman made a turn to a rich looking neighborhood. It was quiet and as soon he stopped in front of a black hate and honked.
A man poked his head out and then went back in before opening the gate, AbdulRahman drove in and parked besides two other cars and a motorbike.
"I brought you to my place, hope you don't mind?"
She shook her head and when she spoke, her voice was croaked,
"Thank you."
He put his hand on the small of her back and led her into the house. She barely noticed anything about it, she simply followed him to where he led her in robotic movements.
He helped her sit on the bed before crouching in front of her.
"If it's about your husband..." He began but she cut him off with a shake of head.
"I'll get you something to drink, you can take a shower and nap."
He was almost at the door when she called out to him in a broken voice, "AbdulRahman."
He turned to look at her with genuine worry on his face.
"Please, make it stop. It hurts so much." Her crying made her almost incoherent.
He went back and knelt in front of her, "anything. I'll do anything."
"I need you to make love to me. Please... I feel him all over me." More tears ran down her cheeks as she thought of Adnan's hands all over her gropping, pinching.
"It hurts... Please make it stop hurting, help me stop him, distract me."
"You're in pains Amirah, I can't take advantage of..."
"Please... Just make it stop!" Her voice was hysterical before pleadingly, "please, he won't stop, I tried making him but he just won't."
It was almost as if she was losing her mind. She could feel Adnan's hands all over her so she grabbed AbdulRahman's hand and made him touch her, her arms, thighs, breasts and everywhere she felt her brother touching her, violating her.
"Please..." Her voice was quiet, broken. AbdulRahman hugged her, cradling her as she kept repeating the same words,
"... Make it stop..."
Behind the grown up woman, AbdulRahman saw a little girl, a broken little girl.
•••• •••• •••• ••••
Amirah hated feeling weak, she was strong. She'd built up her walls, she'd been weak and that was why Adnan did what he did to her so she built an exterior front but behind it all, she was still that little girl, the sweet shy Amirah that Adnan had taken advantage of.
She was broken. She thought she was over it but today her walls crumbled and she'd showed the part of her she'd always kept hidden, the part where she was just a little naive girl.
After lovemaking with AbdulRahman, she'd fallen asleep and she just woke up from a nightmare and this time she knew there was no stopping it. It was like before, he appeared in her dreams every night whispering and doing vile things to her and her mother let him.
Sometimes in her nightmares, she'll see her mother standing and watching them without a word, she didn't know whether they were just nightmares or reality that submerged in her unconscious state.
Waking up alone in the bed wasn't surprising, she felt ashamed, allowing AbdulRahman see that part of her but she did feel better. It still hurts but not as much, the ache in her chest was still there, reduced but still there. It never left... He never left.
A/N:
Comment or I seize the next chapter, 😂😂 just kidding (not)
Am I the only one who feels like crying?
Poor Amirah.
To everyone who's ever been sexually harassed, molested, and abused. You are a survivor, your circumstances shaped you up to the stronger person you are today.
You're strong and I admire you, my heart is with you and I pray you don't let your situation drag you down, you're more than it, you're more than whatever the world throws at you... You're strong! You're a survivor!
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You must all comment your thoughts oo, I didn't write a part of this chapter many times just for you to not comment what you think.
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