FLAWED SOULS

CHAPTER 54: FINDIING OUT

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Amirah furiously pulled her shirt and turned her back to her mother. "Look at the scars you'd inflicted on me, me and not my brother who had sexually abused me for five years!"

Her eyes watered and tears pooled in her eyes threatening to fall but she blinked them away, she wouldn't cry, not in front of this woman.

"You are despicable in every manner and I curse the day you brought me into this world because you've managed to ruin me forever. I don't think I could ever let myself to be free, free enough to enjoy anything from life."

Hajiya could only stare wordlessly, Amirah steadied her breathing as she calmly wore her shirt back.

Long after her mother had walked out of her room, Amirah could still feel her overpowering presence. It was bad enough that her mother had left without saying anything else, her silence was even more provoking. She wanted to be spoken to, she wanted to yell profanities at her mother, she had so much more to say but her mother had simply walked away before she could begin.

There was an exhaustion that overcame Amirah immediately, it was as if she had no strength left anymore. She felt empty, it as if her heartbeat now echoed within, she felt nothing else, just fatigue.
It all seemed unreal, Amirah had the ability to zone out from her own self, she watched the memories of herself outside her body. It was like she was a different entity at that time, many times she'd watched herself the first night Adnan had raped her and during those times, it was usually the same empty feelings that envelope her and she stared unfeeling.

Outside, it was pouring heavily and Amirah sank further into the bed and covered herself with a blanket. She didn't realize how much she could miss Muhammad, but she did, she needed him in this moment, she needed his care, his goofiness because she wanted to forget and no one better than him could help her do that.

He was always with her, without questions. He understood her silence and made every effort to cheer her up. Amirah never knew love existed, if there was none between a mother and her child then why should there be between strangers? Two different people with nothing bounding them?

So she'd guarded her heart, believing  that love was just an illusion. No one could love another person wholeheartedly, with flaws and all, she had never been a witness to such love so it didn't exist, maybe a lot of it does in books and movies but far from reality.
She was aware how grave her mistake had been, Muhammad didn't deserve her and her trust issues and family issues and cheating.

He was a good man who had given his all to her and had loved her more on her worst days than on her best days, he had stuck with her despite how much she's pushed him away.
She didn't deserve Muhammad, she was more deserving of AbdulRahman but selfishly, she wanted to hold on to her husband. She wanted Muhammad and no one else.

Getting out of the hospital was easy, it was a little crowded and nobody paid her any attention. The rain had subsided into little drops. Amirah hailed a taxi and gave him the address as she settled into the backseat.
Her breathing was heavy and her eyes were dropping, she felt weak and everywhere seemed to be hurting but she didn't relent, he'd always been the one holding the relationship, now it was time for her to do a little chasing.

"Assalamualaikum, ina wuni aunty." The security man greeted as he opened the gate and saw her.

"Walaykumsalam." She replied walking past him absentmindedly.

Muhammad's parents were both in the sitting room, they were watching a Hausa movie.

"Assalamualaikum." She crouched as she greeted.