FLAWED SOULS

CHAPTER 46: MORNING SICKNESS

Dedicated to dblackvirgo

...We've been up, we've been down. We've been bad.
Can we turn it around, before we crash?...

6lack--- Float

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"PTSD." Amirah let the words roll out on her lips, it sounded foreign, it sounded serious. Although Tara had said it was curable, it still sounded like it wasn't and she was aware of the taxi man giving her a look as she kept repeating the word.

She was heading to Muhammad's workplace, it was time to get that pregnancy test done. As the car drove leaving everything behind in a blur, Amirah rested her head on the seat and closed her eyes in exasperation.
In her head, she thought of everything she's been through in her life. Every mistakes, every affair and the point in her life she felt caught.

Getting married to Muhammad, she had been so sad about it, it was time to end everything, her escapades. There was no time Amirah felt freer than when she moved from man to man, uncaring.
She felt a sense of importance, she had power over these men, she had them pleading for her and after sex, she steps away from them leaving them worrying about how they'd been wrong, it made them want her more.

But then she was going to be tied to one man, one man! It'd had her scared, terrified but Hajiya and Baba were not to be swayed, the only solution was to run away but Amirah believed such antics were for teenagers, it wasn't as if Muhammad was a bad person but she was keen on not making it easy for him... Getting her for himself alone.

It'd been eight months and Amirah felt like she'd changed drastically, it was as if she was no longer that person who'd gotten married to Muhammad at the beginning, nor the one who'd cheated on him. She was now this person whom the thought of losing her husband scared her, she was much more matured and with the help of Tara, she was facing her fears headstrong. Amirah wanted to be proud of herself but the scare of this pregnancy keeps dragging her back to thinking of everything she'd done, it was hard to forgive yourself when no one but you know how heinous what you'd done was.

And her relationship with God? It was still strained albeit not as before, she prayed fajr with Muhammad but as for the rest of them, she usually forgot or was too lazy to get up. She could barely recall when last she'd on her own prayed the five daily prayers complete, only when she was with Muhammad on days he didn't...

"Madam!" The taxi driver shouted causing her to sit up with a fright.

He turned back to her with an irritated look. "We are here."

She looked around and saw he was indeed packed in front of the hospital, "oh I'm sorry." She brought out money from her bag and handed it to him before getting out of the taxi.

She found using taxi better than getting up and down different buses, although taxi was a little bit expensive but she had her few months salary from working with AbdulRahman, the money Muhammad kept in her account every month and sometimes Baba sent her money too. He used to send her money every month but now, he sent at irregular times, it felt good to know her Baba was there for her, in his own way of being there.

She brought out her phone and dialed Muhammad's number, it rang and he picked, "hey babe." He said in a tired tone.

"Hi, I'm in front of the hospital." She said hoping she hadn't called at a wrong time, maybe she should've gone to a different hospital.