Snapshot

CHAPTER 32

Can we start over?

The words rang in my ears as I faced Luke on their backyard that afternoon. It has been a week since I’ve stayed with the Hemmings and I guess it’s safe to say that everything’s been good. Well, if you don’t count in Luke’s weird behavior all-throughout my stay and this particular afternoon.

I was about to go back to my room after reading a book at the swing on their backyard. As I was about to go inside, Luke blocked my way.

I was silent, probing his eyes as he stared at me. I wanted to know if he’s joking but all I can see in his blue eyes are nothing but seriousness. My heart is frantic, beating so fast against my ribs. What do I do? What do I say?

“What shit is this now, Luke?” I managed with a shaky voice, trying for sarcasm but failing.

“You heard me. I want to start over. I’m willing to..” he let out a gust of breath, obviously struggling with his words, “forget about you and Ashton. I’ll forget about it. We’ll start ov—“

“Forget about me and Ash? Are you fucking serious, Luke!? If this is a sick joke, I swear—“

“It’s not a joke!” he exclaimed, cutting me off as well. His eyes shut, his forehead beaded with sweat.

Something inside me yearned to believe. His effort to bring us back together and start over. It makes me want to agree. But at the same time, a part of me clearly knew what I have to do. What I have to do in order to protect myself. To be strong, tough. Numb.

“It’s not something I can just forget, Luke! What are you saying? I love Ash!” My whole core rebelled against my own words. The fact that I’m using Ashton, making Luke believe that I love him romantically for my own purpose, makes me feel so miserable. I mean, I do love Ashton but never the way I did Luke. I love Ashton like family, he was there when nobody else was but it’s never going to more than that.

God knows how much I tried reciprocating all of Ashton’s feelings, all his efforts. But I knew I was doomed to fail. Even now, as I looked at the boy who broke my heart, nobody ever gave me the feeling he does. Nobody gave me chills, an unsettling, delicious feeling down my spine. As I looked at the boy I tried so hard to forget, I knew nobody could ever make me feel like he did. How foolish of me, to think that I could actually forget him.

Ashton deserves to be loved as much as he gives everyone, especially me. I’d be fooling myself and him if I told him I love him back. I won’t hurt him like that.

“You don’t love him.”

My eyes snapped back to Luke’s face, shocked by his answer. “What? How could you know that? How dare you?”

In a flash, he had spun me around, pinned me against the wall next to the door. “I know you, Lei. More than anyone else. You’re lying. You don’t love him, you love me.”

I was about to complain but then his lips crashed into mine, holding me prisoner against the back door. After all the months I tried to forget him, I succumbed to my heart’s wishes. I couldn't even struggle, I didn't want to. I returned the kiss with the same intensity as him. He let go of my hands and I let mine make its way to his neck, up to his hair, twisting the locks of his blonde quiff. His hands snaked their way to my waist, igniting fires everywhere he touched me. I let myself drink in the sensation of kissing him again, all the complaints pushed back at the back of my mind. I was completely overridden by the feeling.

As his tongue pushed its way inside my mouth, I heard him let out a muffled whimper. Then, he moaned when our tongues danced. My head was spinning, my arms and lips having a mind of their own.