Snapshot

CHAPTER 25

LEIJIN'S POV

I was staring blankly at the twinkling lights of nighttime LA.

I was driving around the city on my motorbike when I found myself weaving the path to the same cliff where Ash and Luke took me.

Why am I doing this to myself? I thought as I felt tears stream down my face. Memories of what happened in this place came flooding back, I remembered stargazing with Ashton, but mostly watching the sunset with Lu- him. With him.

Even thinking about him was painful.

It's been five days since I left but everything remained fresh. The memory, and more importantly, the pain. It's still there.

For five days I slept myself to sleep, I stayed in, aware that I'm torturing myself.

My phone was on my closet, untouched. I knew the boys were texting, calling. I knew they were worried but I don't care. I wanted to be selfish for once. I want to save myself from all the pain going back there would cause.

But my subconscious was talking to me, telling me the inevitable. That I soon have to face him. Again.

I took my backpack and got my pouch full of polaroids.

There were about a hundred of them now, all photos from the tour. I sat there, looking at photos I took, Calum, Michael, Ashton, Luke, Nicole and Danielle, Nick and Uncle John, Kylie, and the whole crew. There were even a few photos of me taken by Ash.

A stark moment of clarity hit me.

How childish I was to run away. How foolish of me to think that I didn't belong there.

Because I did.

Luke means nothing. He's just someone who played with my heart and now I had to get over with. My heart ached with the thought.

"Fuck you," I said, looking down at my chest, right where my heart is. "You're shattered there inside but you still long for him."

I looked up and gazed into the dark horizon, "You just have to be strong. Like what you always do."

I quickly stood and drove back to my apartment, my phone ringing on my closet.

It was Ash. I answered it.

For once in my life, I knew exactly what I had to do.

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Everybody welcomed me so warmly I couldn't resist not feeling happy about going back. Uncle's keeping his hands on my shoulders the whole time, keeping me at bay.

I told him the whole story - leaving out what happened the morning at my bunk, though, you know what happened there - a day before I got back. A week was what I asked for so I was back now.

But I did felt happy. The crew was the closest to family I had in years. I just had to keep myself from thinking of one small detail, a single person actually.

As I went up to the bus after everybody else but the boys (coz they were in the bus) hugged me, saying 'welcome back', the person I've been dreading to see, walked slowly, approaching me. Luke.

I saw his face light up as soon as he saw me.

I quickly trudged on, ignoring him and went to Ashton, who was behind him and gave him a big hug.

"I missed you, Ash," I said because I did missed him. I felt him smile and hug me back. We stayed like that longer than necessary, I broke off and walked to Calum, who was sitting by his favorite window seat and smacked him in the head.

At the corner of my eye I see Luke scratching the back of his head, confusion evident on his face

"Oh, fuck!" he rubbed his head, sitting up. "What for, Lee-lee?!"

"You didn't even miss me, you ass!" I said, but laughed at his pained expression.

He pulled me down beside him and had me in a chokehold, ruffling my hair in the process, "I missed you!"

He then let go, "Happy, now?"

I snorted but smiled at him. I walked further into the bunks, opening Mike's bunk curtain. I shook him awake, "Sleepy dickhead, wake up."

"FINALLY!" he half-shouted, half-mumbled, grinning but still squinting his eyes.

"Now, somebody's happy to see me," I beamed at him.

"Finally, some decent home-cooked food! Woohoowoo!" he weakly pumped his fists into the air.

I grunted, "So, you missed my food, not me."

"'Course I missed you, too. Now, shoo. I'm gonna go back to sleep," he also ruffled my hair then closed his bunk curtain.

I put my bag by the bunk across mine and slid in, telling them, "I'm gonna rest first okay? Give me 3 hours, tops."

A part of me refused to sleep there in my old bunk, where I thought everything was perfect. Where I felt most loved, where I thought I deserved to be happy.

I closed my new bunk curtain as I felt the first drops of tears fall.

I took deep breaths as I tried to wipe my tears, a battle raging inside of me.

I can't do this, it's too painful, a part of me cried.

You can, you've dealt with things like these in the past, the part of me that's trying to be strong urged me on.

I waited for 15 minutes till I calmed down to lay down on my bed and sleep.

--

If you were reading this as I updated, you would've felt Lei's absence since I didn't update for 9 days, i think.

But you weren't :(

i love you anyway.

dedicated to @sweetcalums and @assexhton bc we all fab lol

and also to @babyvinayy coz she's a sweetie

Vote and comment, it means so so much x

-sam