Young Heartbeats [COMPLETED]

Chapter 23

Levi and his uncles are playing in the wide space at the back of tita's house.

As I watch my son play with his uncles, I can't help but think about his dad. Levi looks happy with my cousins and Conrad but there are times that he still asks where his father is.

"You will meet him in the future, son," that's my very lame answer whenever he opens up the topic of wanting to meet his father.

"Future? What's that mom?" he asked me one time.

"It's an indefinite time in the coming days," malumanay kong paliwanag.

"How many days should I count from today, then?" inosente niyang tanong, "How long is that future, mom?"

Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa tuwing nakikita ko ang pangungulila ng anak. I realized that I'm being so unfair to my son. I'm depriving him his right to be with his father just because I don't want to visit that memory again.

I was able to numb the pain through the years and the thought of meeting Lavin again scares me. Seeing him now might bring back the agony that I never want to experience again.

Naging busy ako sa mga sumunod na araw. Kasama ko si Levi dahil Christmas break nila.

"Mom, are we nearing to the future?" my son asked out of nowhere.

Nasa study room kami ngayon. Busy ako sa paglalaptop samantalang nasa tabi ko siya at nagkukulay sa drawing book niya.

"What do you mean, Levi?" tanong ko habang nagta-type sa laptop.

"I'm counting the days mom, look!" sabi niya at ipinakita saakin ang pinaka-likod na pahina ng drawing book niya, "I can't count them already. They are so many."

Hindi ko napaghandaan ang sunod-sunod na pagtulo ng luha ko nang maintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng anak ko. Sa huling page ng drawing book niya ay ang tally ng mga araw na lumipas. Punong-puno na iyon at nagsisiksikan na ang mga sticks sa bandang hulihan.

Napansin kaagad ng anak ko ang bumubuhos kong luha kaya gulat niyang binawi ang drawing book niya at itinapon iyon sa mesa na para bang siguradong-sigurado siya na iyon ang dahilan ng pag-iyak ko.

"Why are you crying, mom? Don't you like it?" nag-aalala niyang tanong at pilit na pinapahid ang mga luha ko gamit ang maliit niyang mga kamay.

"W-when did you start c-counting the days, son?" basag na ang boses ko.

"When you told me about the future, mom. Are you mad about what I did? Is that why you're crying now?" naluluha na rin siya.

Umiling ako ng mabilis, "It's not about it son. D-do you really want to see your d-dad?"

Hindi sumagot agad ang anak ko. Nakatitig lang siya saakin habang pinapanood akong humihikbi. Sa hitsura niya ngayon ay parang sinusubukang intidihin ng bata niyang isip kung ano ba talaga ang dahilan ng pag-iyak ko.