This Time

Chapter 13

Zander's POV

The rain continued to pour for hours. Hindi ko alam pero first time kong hindi nakatulog sa tunog ng ulan. Rain has been my bestfriend ever since. Since wala naman akong magawa ngayon, nag online nalang ako. Hindi parin ina-accept ni Marga ang friend request ko. Tulog na siguro 'yon dahil halos 2:00 AM na. Tinignan ko ang mga photos nya sa social media, hindi parin sya nagbabago, every little thing na nangyayari sa buhay nya naka post. But, I'm not complaining, this is the only way I can keep up with what's happening to her life kahit wala ako sa tabi nya.

She also have some photos in the same bench I took a photo with at the school. Walang caption na nakalagay sa post nya na 'yon pero nasa gilid din s'ya nakaupo sa photo. I hope that space is for me. Assumero amp.

She looks so good lalo na ngayon. She's like a supermodel. Her smile, that smile. Yung kapag ngumingiti sya nawawala na yung mga mata nya. I hope I didn't ruin you. I hope you're still living your best life after I left.

She even posted the photo that I took long time ago. The caption was just "Throwback". We are on a bridge time and I took a photo of her while holding her hand. That photo was our first time going out for a vacation. I didn't knew that will also be the last one.

I closed my phone took a deep breath. Ang sakit ng nararamdaman ko, gusto kong umiyak pero walang lumalabas na mga luha. Just looking at her makes me feel so bad. Looking at her reminds me of how I make her feel so bad when I left. One time at the airport, I was about to leave when I heard her calling my name, I was about to run away pero Lolo grabbed my arms. I was so scared and I don't know what to do. Buong oras na pabalik ako ng Korea umiiyak lang ako. Because that's the least thing I can do, ang umiyak.

Ever since that day, my life started to get miserable. Every night nasa bar ako para magpakalungo sa alak. Wala nga atang gabi na hindi ako sa kotse ko natulog. I even got arrested because I mistakenly thought that the girl next to me was Marga so I hugged her, but the boyfriend of that girl pulled me and smashed my back with a bottle. Binugbog ako ng mga kasama nya, hindi ako makalaban dahil nga lunod na lunod na ako sa alak. And then the police arrived and arrested me, Lolo arrived and picked me up sa police station, malamang sinuhulan nanaman nya ang mga pulis. Puno ng mga pasa ang katawan ko, buti nga hindi nasira ang mukha ko. Lolo is about to kill me that time, sinisira ko daw ang reputasyon ng pamilya. As if I care after he ruined my life.

That is just one of those incidents where my life seems to have no direction. I didn't care about a thing even my own life. Everytime na gusto kong mawala sa mundo, naiiyak lang ako. I have no courage to do things, wala akong alam ipaglaban. Mahina ako.

Pero that experiences made me a better person. I worked hard for the position I'm in now. I even ran for being the CEO when I was still in Korea. That is how determined I am para magtagumpay.

I also became cold-hearted. Hindi na ako nagmahal pa ng iba dahil lahat ng pagmamahal ko, ibinigay ko na lahat kay Marga. I never learned how to love myself too. Hindi na ako yung dating ako pagkatapos ng mga pinagdaanan ko. So when Lolo decided to send me back here. I don't know what to feel. Kinakabahan ako, at unang bagay na pumasok sa isip ko is ang hanapin ang taong pinakamamahal ko.

The rain stopped and I feel sleepy as well. The night is just quiet and dark. Kaya pinilit ko ang sarili ko na matulog dahil papasok ako bukas sa trabaho.

I woke up early, I slept late and woke up early kaya ang sakit ng ulo ko. It's like 7:00 AM in the morning. Lumabas ako sa kwarto and checked kung gising na si Isaac, napasarap ang tulog ni mokong at hindi pa gising. Pinakeelaman ko naman ang laman ng ref nya para gumawa ng almusal namin.