🖤 Dixison 🖤

Chapter 14

Addisons POV

So after the whole ordeal with Dixie I really had to re-examine our relationship. I mean I really like her, I would even say I love her but I just felt so unsure about everything still. Maybe that's why I didn't trust her before.

I've just never been with a girl before and I don't know what I'm doing. Everything feels so new but meant to be at the same time. I've been so stressed thinking about it. I was jumped out of my thoughts when Dixie came barreling through my door.

"What's up Addison? Wanna make something?" She said sitting next to me. My heart was still racing and I smirked. "If you mean children then I'm down for that..." I said crawling onto Dixies lap. Her cheeks turned red instantly but she pushed me back.

"Wow thirsty much? I didn't mean children and besides we both know I can't get you pregnant." She giggled as she put a piece of hair behind my ear. I pouted and hugged her instead. "I meant like cookies or something, Jesus." She said.

"Mm I know." I mumbled into her neck. She smelled like flowers. She hugged me back and rubbed my back. "You seem tense. Is something up?" She whispered back. I frowned while I pulled away, now sitting on Dixies lap, holding her at arms length.

"I don't know I'm just stressed.." I said looking away. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked trying to make eye contact. "It's just that- I don't know, how I feel? I don't even know how to describe it." "That's okay, we can get there. Is it about work?" She asked.

"No, I'm not too worried about that stuff." I said. "Is it about us?" She asked, more gently. I finally looked into her dark eyes. They seemed a little worried, but intent on listening. "Hmm yeah I guess..." I said looking for what to say.

"What about us? What's on your mind?" She asked taking a hand to encourage me. I gave a weak smiled as I continued. "I don't know how I feel about us. I mean I really like you but.." I paused.

"But what?" She asked now sounding worried. "I never pictured myself with a girl. Much less my best friend." I continued. "Addi this is starting to sound like a break up..." Dixie said seriously. "No, no! This is the opposite. I want to go to the next level and be public but I'm scared. I don't know how people will react. What if they don't understand and I lose all of this. I don't know what I would do if things went back to normal. But I love you Dixie." I said.

"I love you too and I get how you feel. You have no idea how scared I was to come out. But look at me I'm doing fine." She said gesturing to herself. "I know, but at least people suspected it. I'm straight Dixie." She frowned. "You know maybe you should stop telling your girlfriend that you're straight." She whispered.

"No don't take it personally, it's just too much of a change. And change scares me..." I said, my voice almost breaking. "Change scares me too. I think about the future a lot. Where I'm going to be, what job I'll have, if I'll have a family. And it freaks me out I can't stay young forever but I feel like I'm running out of time. But I could honestly see myself with you for the rest of my life Addison." She smiled kissing my hand.

Let me tell you my heart melted. I smiled and kissed Dixie on the lips quick. Her chapstick was vanilla flavored. "Me too, but I still don't know it feels weird. I've never looked at a girl this way, you're a first." I said looking at her again. She looked away in thought.

"Never? Come on Addison you can't literally turn someone gay, it's something that develops. You've never had feelings for a girl before?" She asked. "No I don't think so?" I said as nothing came to mind. "Never felt weird or nervous around a girl?" "Yeah, but only because I wanted them to like me. Ugh not in that way." I groaned as Dixie rose an eyebrow.

"Sureeee, ever thought a girl was really pretty? Hot? Ever wanted to kiss a girl?" She continued. "You." I smirked and Dixie smiled before pecking me again. "But for real?" She said. "I mean maybe..." Dixie groaned. "Come on Addison be decisive."

I shrugged. "You've never mysteriously ended up on a lesbian porn site?!" She chuckled. "Dixie!" I whisper yelled while shoving her farther away. I hoped no one was listening. She giggled. "Come on answer the question." She poked me.

"No, yes? I don't know. Stop being a horny perv!" I said covering my face. Dixie grabbed both my hands. "Okay that's pretty hot Adds." She smirked and I could basically see what she was picturing.

"Whatever." I said giggling. "Okay whats your type? Pretty straight girls? What's your opinion on say Kendall Jenner, um Ariana Grande, Zendaya? Fucking Jade from Victorious?" She trailed off. (Who am I missing on this list?)

I gasped and smiled shoving her again. I had to admit she might be onto something. I put a hand on my now surprisingly hot forehead. "Ok I guess they are all pretty hot.." I mumbled. "See!?" I rolled my eyes. "Maybe you're onto something..." I said looking away.

Is this why I've stalked girls instagrams? Is this why I've liked gay tik toks that ended up on my fyp? Is this why I've seemed more interested in the posters on a boyfriends wall than him?

Dixie smiled at me as I thought. "Look, I think you have what's call internalized homophobia. Where you are scared of coming out because you don't want to lose anyone or hurt anyone. But it's okay it happens." She said stroking my face.

"But Addison, promise that before you even think about coming out to everyone you think about coming out to yourself first okay?" She whispered kissing my cheek. "Okay I promise.." I said turning my head and catching her lips. She kissed back a little but I pulled away.

In fact I had a headache from thinking too much and needed a break. "Okay, lets go I want some cookies." I said taking Dixies hand and dragging her downstairs. She giggled and followed me.

I had some things to think over but at least we got somewhere right? It's a start.

AN hehe ok guess who's back? Hopefully this isn't too big a disappointment but I feel like if Dixison was real this is kinda what might happen. Also this just hit close to home and I don't want things to move too fast but yeah

Also idk why but this and my next freaking chapter decided to be deleted so I had to re write sorry for the wait and lmk what you think 🙌