Help Me, Mom | Demi Lovato

27

A/N: Before you start reading. This whole chapter is basically a trigger warning. It involves a suicide attempt.

Alex's POV
We've been on tour for almost a month now. I love singing for my fans, but most "fans" I meet backstage are fans of my Mom and they don't like me. They just keep telling me to kill myself. That I'm a waste of space. The demons keep taunting me and I can't take it anymore. I just want to die.

"Alex! Max and I are making a Starbucks run. Want to stay here or come with?" Mom asked as I was putting my hair in a ponytail.

"I want to stay here. I'm not feeling too good." I say nonchalantly. Mom's instincts kicked in and she felt my forehead.

"You don't have a fever so that's good. Text me if you need anything!" Mom said kissing my forehead and then walking out the door of the tour bus. Perfect.

I started writing on a piece of paper.

Dear friends and family,

I love you all so much. I hope you all never have to feel your life crashing all around you. My mind and body are attacking me. The voices in my head are growing stronger and stronger. I feel like my heart is broken. I feel like I'm in a pit unable to climb out. I scream for help, but it's like no one can hear me. No one cares. I say "I'm fine!" In this world it's not okay to be broken. You put on a face and you go on. If you break down, you can't let anyone see it. Then the world starts spinning faster and faster, till you can't hold on. Till you can't fight the voices in your head. Until you give in.

I'm sorry I have to say goodbye like this. It's for the best. You all won't have to worry about me anymore. This world is better off without me anyway. Goodbye.

-Alex

I wrote a separate one for Mom.

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry I let you down. It wasn't my intention. I thought if I pretended to be happy, then maybe.. just maybe.. I would actually be happy. The demons keep coming back stronger and stronger. I feel like I tried everything. Cutting doesn't help anymore. I don't feel wanted in this world, Mama. Admit it, I'm a mistake. A man fucked you when you were drunk. You probably just kept me for the media because that is what everyone says. I want to believe you didn't. Maybe you do actually love me, but everyone makes me think otherwise. I'm sorry I'm leaving like this. Goodbye, Mom.

P.S. Release this song when I'm gone.. for my fans.. it will be the last time they hear me sing.

- Your baby girl

I got my phone camera out and pressed record. I wrote a song last night. I wanted to record it for my fans. My goodbye to them.

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, enfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, enfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me
Be my friend, hold me
Wrap me up, enfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

I pulled out my phone to send quick texts goodbye to both Kenzie and Mom.

I grabbed a bottle of pills I stole from my Mom. I don't remember what they're called, but I heard they do serious damage if I take a lot. I shoved a bunch of pills in my mouth and swallowed. Everything else that happened was a blur, and then everything went black.