Loving Lennix

10. Call me Helen of Troy

Lennix POV

After the movie I went to Jaxon's room in hopes of getting sleep, but my mind was plagued with thoughts that shouldn't be there.

I was on the couch with Zander but I felt like something was missing. I've felt like that the whole week he was with me. I love him. I truly do. I'm happy in his presence, but something always makes my mind drift off to Jax.

Am I in love with Jax? No. I don't know him well enough to make that claim, but I am attached to him and knowing he is angry because of me hurts.

I try to put on a brave face. I don't want to be one of those girls always going off with my feelings. I've kept them in check pretty well throughout high school and my adult life.

Usually if someone is upset with me I can shrug it off unless it's family but the idea of Jax or Zander upset just feels wrong. Maybe because they are my best friends.

Ok, I don't know if Zander really fits in that category anymore. We've slept together several times in my old place and I definitely told him I love him. If I weren't so afraid of getting hurt and ruining their friendship, I'd be willing to give him and I a shot, but then I'm wildly attracted to Jax and it's not just how he looks. It's everything. His smile, his laugh, his jokes, the way he makes me feel like I'm a goddess.

It's close to how Zander makes me feel but it's different. Where Zander makes me feel protected and calm, Jax makes me feel wild and free. Where there are sparks with Zander, I feel hot all over with Jax. Where one makes me feel loved and cherished, the other makes me feel longed for and desired.

But let's face it, Jax desires everyone. Why am I stuck on him so bad? He left my first night back probably to get some ass from another random hook up.

That thought hurts. Not that he would be out sleeping with someone, but that he chose getting some strange over hanging out with me after I was gone for so long.

He said he missed me.

I knew it was a lie and if there's one thing I hate it's when people lie to me. It opens up old wounds that feel like they are letting my soul bleed out.

My ex didn't think I was worth the truth either. Vance was a senior when I was a freshman. His dorm was across the hall from mine and we hit it off right away.

Things were perfect until he left. Then I found out he was seeing someone else and didn't even have the decency to break up with me in person.

I FaceTime called him when he was late calling me one night and a woman answered his phone. She was beautiful. Of course she was. She turned the phone showing me he was sleeping when I asked where he was. She didn't even bother asking who I was. It was almost like she didn't care.

When I told my roommate what happened she wasn't surprised at all and told me he was cheating on me the whole time we were together. Sleeping with girls all over campus. My trust wasn't just broken. It was dust with no way to repair.

I lay in Jax's bed snuggled up to his pillow and choke on quiet sobs while I cry into the pillow. Fresh waves of hurt for years old scars. Vance wasn't worth my tears, but these weren't for him. They were for me. For the broken little girl who believes in the lies of wolves in Prince Charming's clothing. Vance wasn't the first and he sure as hell won't be the last. Especially if I'm right about where Jax went tonight.

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I woke up wrapped in strong arms protectively holding me against thick, tight muscles.

I didn't want to open my eyes. This felt too good. But then I remember that I fell asleep alone in Jax's bed and my eyes snap open with a quickness.