She's Into Her

29 - Abstruse

29 - Abstruse

Ms. Rielle's POV: 

An amber shaft of light blinded my eyes as soon as the morning sun rose, but never as much as those painful white lies. Its golden rays pierced my frailing soul and something aches in my chest as if there was a deep hole. Arousing me from my deathbed but I was never asleep, just half-dead. Because how can you call it a sleep when troubling thoughts always creep in?

Then throbbing and constant sensation spread over my forehead, and recollections of last night slowly began to creep into my loneliest head. Just like that, there was that feeling again.

Lifeless? No. Perhaps, meaningless. I was not dead but nor was I alive. Barely breathing. Never was living. Ironic, how I can almost associate dying with living. Has no one ever thought how painful it was, persistently thinking when will this feeling last?

I pressed my eyes closed, immediately dismissing the feeling, and diverted my attention to the place I never expected I'd be waking up at today. But perhaps, doing so was a wrong move as my recollections from last night were merely replaced by certain thoughts. Certain thoughts I'd rather choose to think about the first one than them.

Stop thinking about those people who never really cared about you.

The thought came out so quickly that I almost felt the familiar tightness in my chest and my eyes almost swell again with tears. I had to pause for a moment before I could even clear my mind.

Rielle, don't listen to your intrusive thoughts. They are not real.

Then I abruptly left my room to avoid any further flashbacks. But it was only then that I realized what was waiting for me outside, as the bone-chilling silence, perhaps a deafening silence greeted me. I wandered my eyes around and that's when an embittered smile escaped from my lips.

Everyone might be in utter agreement that silence is the most euphonious sound in the world. As it has always been appeasing, lulling, and soothing to the soul. But how paradoxical it was when it's already oneself's silence—the silence of pain, the silence of hurt, the silence of giving up, the silence of tiredness in this world. That silence. Or can it still be called silence when it seems so loud?

I pressed my back against the frigid wall and heaved a sigh. Should I be glad that I can still feel? Because it was just an empty feeling too. If not, then should I worry that I am having this empty feeling again? But haven't I already worried way too much?

Once again, I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. My weakness for today was so unnerving. I thought that I would never feel this feeling again after I left that place. But now, I don't know which one was more enfeebling to be at.

That house or in this penthouse.

"Should you need someone again to listen, I'll hear you. Even your deepest sighs."

My heart almost fell when I heard someone speak, disturbing my pensive thoughts.

When I turned to where the voice was coming from, her face prompted me to recall what I'd just told her last night and soon, I realized what she meant. I quickly turned away because of that.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked, changing the subject.

I saw her frown for a moment. "Don't tell me I'm also not allowed to sleep here because you're annoyed with me? At least be grateful enough, I was the one who drove you here."

For a moment, I stared at her blankly. Really? What did she think?

"That's not what I meant!" I chided. "I thought you will just drop me off like the usual—"