Starting Over {S.S}

12

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"Sebastian, it's fine", I huff as he continues to follow me around the house. His hand wraps around my arm as he gently pulls me towards him, "Dani-". I pull my arm away from him as I look up at him, "Seb, I said it's fine, okay? It's not a big deal"

"Not a big deal? You're making it seem like a very big deal. I'm sorry, okay? I just need time", Sebastian sighs as he leans against the wall. I look down at the floor as I sigh. I nod my head, "Okay", I whisper. "Anthony and Chris wanted to hang out, do you want to join us?"

I look up at him and shake my head, "No, it's okay. You can go, I have a few things to do around the house", I smile at him. He nods his head and tells me to be careful. Once Sebastian leaves I begin to clean the house. I had a lot of things on my to do list for today, so I had to start now if I ever wanted to finish. Now that Sebastian was out of the house it gave me a chance to really have time to think about everything that's happened since he moved in.

My life had been one huge mess this year, there was no doubt about it. The biggest problem about it all was the fact that I couldn't tell anyone about it. If I did tell someone, they'd think I was crazy, but keeping it in all the time has been really hard on me. All of these pent up emotions and thoughts weren't good for me, and if I didn't tell someone soon, I was going to combust.

I enter Sebastian's room and smile as I see how clean he's kept it. The bed was neatly made and his luggage was neatly placed in the corner of the room. I start with the guest bathroom and slowly work my way into his room. I wipe down the counters, knickknacks and clean the baseboards before vacuuming and mopping the floor. By the end, his room was spotless.

I let out a small laugh as I see he left an outfit thrown on the floor, so I set down the mop and walk over to his clothes, bending down to pick them up and fold them. I place his sweater on his bed and then go to grab his pants, but something falls from them and hits the floor. I furrow my eyebrows as I bend down to pick up what fell and my breath catches in my throat. I walk towards the bed and sit down at the edge of it as I open the small velvet box. Kara's ring.

I quickly close it and fold his pants, leaving the ring on top of the folded clothes. I grab the cleaning supplies and stumble to get out of his room and head to my own. When I reach my room I slam the door shut and take a deep breath. I knew that there was no chance of Sebastian and I ever getting together. He still had her ring, and I knew deep down that he still loved her. I'm not saying in what way, but he still felt something for her, and I didn't want to be the one to rush him into something he's not ready for. He's not in the right mindset and it'd be inconsiderate of me to expect something to come out of him staying here with me.

I sigh and start cleaning my own room, and then I move onto my closet. I decided it would be best to just reorganize it and take everything out so I could get rid of the things I didn't need and donate them. I comb through different articles of clothing, occasionally throwing the ones I didn't want anymore in a pile on my bed. I pass a wet cloth on the walls to clean them and then move to clean the floor before going through the boxes around me. One box contained old photos, the majority of them were with my family, but I still had an unsettling feeling towards my mom and Louis.

I push the box beside me and drag the next box in front of me as I open it up. I reach down and pull out an envelope. I look at it intently and it looks oddly familiar. I open it and pull out a rolled up piece of paper and am instantly hit with an overwhelming sense of familiarity. My mouth runs dry as I unroll the paper and begin to read the familiar writing. I continue reading no matter how much my mind screams at me, telling me what I already know. I force myself to get to the last word of the letter and it's as every bit painful as it was the first time.

I stand up and shove the boxes out of my way and trip over clothes as I try and get to my door. My mind was spinning and I felt extremely dizzy as I gripped the letter in my hand. My breathing has become irregular and tears well up in my eyes as I struggle to firmly wrap my hand around the door knob to open it. I knew in that moment that I was having a panic attack and I couldn't control it.

I look back down at the letter as I imagine it mocking me and laughing at my pain. I back away from the door in hysterics as I try and catch my breath, but heaves of uneven breaths escape instead. Through my hysterics I hear the front door opening and closing as Sebastian calls out for me. I felt awfully lightheaded as I go to the door, to let Sebastian know where I am, but I never make it as I let the letter fall from my trembling hand, my body hitting the ground with a thump as my eyes flutter closed.