Give In

breaking

I ended things with Liam.

It was for the best and even though it hurt like crazy, I was in peace with my decision.

I told him I wasn't happy, that we weren't what we used to be and that we both deserved better, much more than what we were giving each other. He was shocked and I understood his surprise. He didn't scream, he didn't cry, he didn't say a word. It was late at night on Sunday so he just went to bed after I told him everything I was feeling.

I told him how I felt we drifted apart on the past year and we didn't seem to notice. All the tiny gestures that stayed in the past and we forgot to bring with us to the present. I was hurt and disappointed at myself, so I wasn't surprised I was crying as I spoke to him. I tried to be subtle and gentle, because this situation wasn't easy for any of us. Still, I didn't get a single word from him.

That night I slept in the guest room that we never had used before but came so in handy this time.

I knew I had a lot to figure it out because I couldn't stay in this apartment with him much longer. I didn't have a plan before breaking up with him but I tried to come out with one quickly. I stayed up late looking for a new apartment but the search was a disaster. Everything was extremely expensive or way too far from work. I knew I couldn't stay here, that was for sure. I started to freak out and felt the air leaving my lungs.

What had I done? Why did I put myself through this? I was fucking up my life and for what? Shit... Tears roamed my face as I tried to contain my sobs so Liam wouldn't hear me cry. My heart ached, I almost felt my chest crack open and empty everything that was inside me. My stomach was a mess.

It took me maybe an hour to calm down and when I did, the fear inside me hadn't gone anywhere. I needed someone so I texted my friends. I told them everything over voice messages first because I didn't know if they were awake. Nicole was the first to respond and try to comfort me. Leah came after and started a videocall with us three. I kept the story simple because I knew Liam was just meters away and I didn't want to make it worse in case he was listening. They were surprised as well, but gave me all their love and support. Nicole told me she was actually looking for a roommate, so I could move with her in a heartbeat. That actually brought calm to my heart and I could stop hyperventilating. They stood with me on the phone for a while longer until I was too tired from all the heartbreak. We would figure it out me moving in with Nicole during the week.

Liam left very early the next morning and came back late at night. I was hoping he would say something to me, anything. I knew his silence wasn't a good sign, it couldn't be healthy but I didn't know what else to say either.

In the next days I busy myself getting all my stuff together to move out with Nicole the next week. I had all these days to put my belongings in boxes and prepare myself for what it was about to come.

I knew I had been very distracted at work, even though I tried my best not to. I also knew Shawn was trying to be helpful and respectful of my wishes and I was so thankful for that.

On Thursday afternoon, Liam finally approached me when I was making a sandwich in the kitchen. He stopped making dinner for us and I wasn't going to complain about it with everything that was going on. We were both walking on our tiptoes around each other and his voice was soft when he first spoke.

"Are you sure about this?" He said looking at me with an intense gaze.

"I'm sure that we are not what we used to be, and I don't like that". That was the thing I was sure of, the rest... I was just hoping I was.

"What if we can change?", he said.

I sighed and took some steps closer to him.

"Are you happy?" I asked him. He thought for a moment. I was ok, but I wasn't happy. "Look, you did nothing wrong, neither did I. Life happened and we settled for what it felt was comfortable... but it wasn't exciting"