Give In

enjoying

When we left the bar holding hands, after drinks with people at the office, they looked at us. I told myself not to give them attention or care about what they might have been thinking. It didn't matter.

Shawn's hand felt foreign at first, too big compared to mine, but I quickly got used to it. I liked the intimacy and delicate gesture of holding hands. You weren't kissing, you weren't screaming how much you liked your partner to others, and yet everyone could see the complicity between two people.

The wind was starting to get colder and I tried to use Shawn as my human shield to cover myself when we stopped to wait for the traffic light to change. He just laughed and held me closer, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Were almost there", he said when the light turned green and we held hands to keep walking.

He insisted on getting Thai food from a restaurant that wasn't too far away from the office and take it to his place. We made our way there and ordered our food. We stood on a corner while waiting and just played with our fingers like 15 year old teenagers.

"Can I ask you something?", I said still looking at our hands.

"Yeah, sure", he said.

"Did your family say anything when I didn't show up?", I asked with a knot in my throat.

The mere idea of him having to explain why he had arrived alone made me feel awful.

"Actually...", he said and I looked up to meet his eyes. "They didn't know you were supposed to come, so they didn't ask".

"So you hadn't told them?"

"No, I really wanted you to go but I knew there were chances that you wouldn't so I didn't say anything".

"What if I had showed up?"

That would have been so embarrassing then.

"They would've been totally ok with it. We always have too much food and my parents like to have people around for those occasions".

"Oh ok". I held both his hands in mine and then looked at him again. "I'm sorry I didn't go, but please understand that you caught me off guard and I freaked out".

"I know that, I'm sorry I put you on that position. I said I was not going to push and that's exactly what I did", he said with a embarrassed smile.

"Well, it kinda worked out, but it won't in the future", I told him, raising my brows in a warning.

"I know. It won't happen again", he said and then we heard the lady calling us for our order.

Shawn took the bag and we headed to his apartment. Once there, I pull out the food while he pour cold water into two glasses.

Our fling lasted almost a month and we started dating just a few days ago and part of me felt like nothing has changed because the way we acted around each other was the exact same. The only thing that changed was that we were no longer hiding it from the rest of the world. Most importantly, we weren't hiding it from each other. I was falling for him, and whether that scared me or not, there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

"Is it good?", he said asking for my approval on the food and place he had chosen.

"Amazing", I said bringing some pad thai noodles to my mouth.

He squeezed my thigh under the table in a sweet gesture while he smiled at me.

It seriously felt like if a weight had been lifted from our shoulders since that cathartic night. There were no barriers or walking on eggshells anymore. I was still surprised he was so into me, though. In the previous months, before my life had an abrupt change, I never thought he was even interested in me this way. He looked much more like the kind of guy that didn't want to commit himself to anyone.