Given A Choice

Just so you know why...

Ever since the day I was born, I have been different. Maybe it is because I've been beaten the shit out of to many times to actually have a chance . My mother has the temper of an enraged bull . Her eyes fill with hatred and disgust, and blacken with anger. When I was younger I made excuses and let the beatings go. But as I got older explanations would cease and I began to recognize her face only as one behind a blackened gaze . My father left my mother when I was younger , I originally blamed myself because I must look like him in her eyes . He cheated on my mother but assured me that it had nothing to do with me . He calls and sometimes we have days together ,without my mother knowledge, but he promised me that it didn't matter what he was doing ,if my mother ever went to far he would come back and take me away , that he would always protect me and be there for me when I needed him . My best friends Val and Sam were a different story ,they didn't care that I would sometimes call them in the middle night crying my eyes out , they would calm me down , make me laugh , and forget about the pain I felt deep within my chest everyday .I would kid around and always say I would kill myself and Val would say ,"Go ahead and I'll just go to Hell before you get there and drag your ass right back."

Life was like a single hair waiting to fall but a gust of wind . At any point I would fall and be ready to die . I've been ready, I just haven't been able to look into the eyes of the people who actually give a shit about me and tell them I would be better off this way , but I also realize death doesn't just happen to you but the people around you , forcing them to live their lives without you .

Now that you know the background you may understand why I did it , why I decided to take a different path and if you don't well then I really just don't give a fuck.

I did it because I wanted to give him something I never had. A choice .