Guddan and Akshat - Made for Each Other

Chapter 11 - The Letters

It's early morning, Akshat is sleeping peacefully on his bed. Guddan wakes up to see a cockroach on the floor. She shreiks and jumps onto the bed. Akshat wakes up startled. Guddan continues shrieking, clutching Akshat's shirt, closing her eyes tightly.

Akshat (covering her mouth) - Chup! Yeh subah subah koi daura pada hai kya? (angrily removing his shirt from her grip) Uchchal kud ke alawa aur kuch aata hai tumhe?

Guddan opens her eyes briefly, sees the cockroach moving towards the bed and again tightly closes them, again holding onto Akshat.

Guddan - Aaahhhhhh, cockroach!

Guddan points her finger towards the floor. Cockroach has moved underneath the bed..

Akshat - Nahi hai koi cockroach, tumhari awaaz se hi bhaag gaya hoga.

Guddan opens her eyes, relaxed to find that horrid creature nowhere.

Later, that day, Savitri Devi handed her some jewellery and asked her to wear whatever she liked for next day's Diwali Pooja and keep the rest in the locker in her room. But when could Guddan do a simple task without committing any mistake. She opened the wrong locker - Akshat's instead of her own.

Guddan - Oho, ab yahan kaise rakhein, jagah hi nahi hai. Aur yeh kya itna bada box ghusa rakha hai yahan. Yeh bhi koi jagah hai, box rakhne ki.

She dropped the box while taking it out. A lot of papers and photos spread on the floor.

Guddan - Baapre, mar gaye. Abhi saaf kar dete hain warna phir daant padegi. (picking up the photos, shocked on seeing Akshat's smiling face) Yeh registan mein baarish kahan se ho gayi. (picking up the papers, that seemed like hand-written letters and stacking them) Waise yeh hai kya?

She starts reading one of them. And once she started reading, she couldn't stop, she read all, one after another.

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11th January 2009

Mere Pyaare AJ, achcha baba munh mat phulao, MERE PYAARE AKSHAT, ab thik hai?

Janti hun tum AJ sirf duniyawalon ke liye ho. Mera tumhe AJ kehna bilkul acha nahi lagta na. Par mujhe tumhe chhidhane mein bada mazaa aata hai. Jaante ho na? Hmm?

Kaash hum donon paas kuch aur waqt hota Akshat, tumhe yun chhidhane ke liye, phir tumhe manane ke liye. Kaash main zindagi se kuch aur pal chura pati, tumhare saath bitane ke liye. Kamse kam Kishore ki shaadi hi dekh paati main.

Par jo mere hisse mein nahi hai, woh toh mujhe nahi mil sakta. Par tumhare hisse mein toh abhi puri zindagi padi hai. Usse khul ke jeena. Mere hisse ka bhi ab tumhe hi jeena hai, mere hisse ki hasi, mere hisse ki shararat, sabkuch.

Main janti hun ki tumhe lagta hai ki kal ke operation ke baad sab thik ho jayega. Operation ke success ke chances bas 15 percent hi hai na. Mera bachna namumkin hi hai aur maine apni kismat ko maan liya hai. Ab tum bhi maan lo. Shayad mera jaana thoda aasaan ho jaaye.

Aur haan, bachchon ka dhyaan rakhna. Kitni jaldi bade ho gaye teeno. Khaas kar, tabse jabse meri iss halat ka pata chala hai unko. Kishore toh sabse samajhdaar hai, woh khudko sambhaal lega. Par Vardhaan, abhi bhi thoda naasamajh hai, usse har baat pyaar re, thande dimaag se samjhani padti hai. Isliye uspe jyaada gussa mat karna. Aur mera Rahul, wo toh jaan hai iss ghar ki. Apni baaton se sabka mann banaye rakhta hai. Par uske mann koi nahi padh paata. Mere baad uske ankahe shabdon ko samajhna ab tumpe hai. Kar loge na. Main jaanti hun, tum kar loge.

Aur Akshat, mere jaane ke baad Bhai ka khayal rakhna. Mere alawa unka iss duniya mein koi nahin. Haan, haan, jaanti hun, tum dono bahut gehre dost ho. Par bhai apne dil ki baat nahi keh paate na. Mujhe bhi unke peeche padna padta hai, tab jaake unke munh se kuch nikalta hai. Waada karo Akshat, ki tum unka khayal rakhoge aur ladhai toh bilkul nahi karoge unse. Tumhe pata hai na mujhe tum dono ka ladhna bilkul nahi pasand. Agar kabhi gusse mein kuch galat bhi keh dein tumse, toh mere khatir maaf kar dena unhe. Hmm?

Main tumhare har birthday ke liye ek letter likh ke jaa rahi hun. Taki tum apne birthday wale din, akela na mehsoos karo.

Antara.

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She felt Antara's pain and longing, longing to stay alive a little longer so that she could sort out atleast some of her remaining affairs. In Antara's pain, she realised the pain her mother must have felt, leaving her behind.

Guddan (tears flowing) - Humari Maa ko bhi aise hi takleef hui hogi na, humein aur Papa ko akele chhodd ke jaata waqt. Ab hum kabhi shikayat nahi karenge Maa, ki aap humein kyun chhodd ke chali gayi. Kyunki yeh sunke aapko aur dard hota hoga na, uss majboori ki yaad aati hogi na ki kaise aapko na chahte hue bhi jaana pada tha.

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12th September 2014

Happy Birthday Akshat.

Dhum dham se manaya na apna janamdin. Sach sach batana. Bachchon ne toh shaandaar party arrange ki hogi, hai na. Haan, ab to kitne bade ho gaye hain teeno. Par ek baat humshe yaad rakhna, woh teeno itne bhi bade nahi ho sakte kabhi, ki tumhare saath ki, tumhare sahare ki, tumhare pyaar aur bishwas ki zaroorat na ho unhe. Humesha unke saath khade rehna.

Acha batao, aaj kya pehna hai tumne. Black ya blue mat kehna. Ab kyunki mujhe dark colours pasand hai, iska matlab yeh thodi na hai ki apne pure cupboard ko black aur blue se hi bhar loge. Tumhare pasand ke colours bhi pehenna. Thik hai?

Acha ab batao mere gift ke baare mein socha ke nahi. Aare baba, tumhari shadi ka gift, dulhan mili koi. Pata hai, pata hai, bachchon ki zimmedari hai, unki shadi karni hai, Maa ka khayal rakhna hai, wagerah wagerah. Hai na?

Thik hai, iss baar jaane deti hun, par aage se nahin jaane dungi. Kab tak yeh ghar soona sa rahega. Ek bahu chahiye iss ghar mein, tumhari zindagi mein. Samjhe?

Antara.
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12th September 2018

Happy Birthday Akshat.

Iss baar bhi mera gift nahi laaye hoge na.

Par ab bahut ho gaya, itne saalon se keh rahi hun, par tum ho ke sunte hi nahi. Kabhi yeh bahana, kabhi woh bahana. Kabhi business set nahi hua, kabhi bacche life mein set nahi hui. Par tumhari life bhi toh set nahi hai na.
Kabhi toh apne baare mein bhi soch liya karo. Janti hun, tumhari zimmedari maine le rakhi thi, isiliye apna khayal nahi rakhte.

Ab tak shadi nahi ki hai na tumne. Janti hun, bade ziddi ho tum, aur jab tak main zidd na karoon, tum apni zidd nahi chodoge, hai na?

Par ab toh zidd karne ki bhi takat nahi bachi mujhmein. Zidd na sahi, akhri ichcha hi samajhkar maan jao. Phir se shadi kar lo. Maa kab tak sambhalengi iss ghar ko. Unhe ek bahu de do, aisi bahu laana jo unki aankh ka taara ho, aur jo unka achche se khayal rakhe, jo iss ghar ko tumhari tarah baandh ke rakhe.

Iss letter ke milne ke 15 din ke andar hi tumhe meri ye aakhri ichcha puri karni hogi.

Karoge na?

Please Akshat, ab mujhe bhi tumhare gam ke bojh se mukt kar do, inn chitthiyon se mukt kar do. Aur nahin likha jata. Isiliye yeh meri aakhri chithhi hai tumhare liye.

Dekho, tum khush rahoge, tabhi toh main bhi shanti se reh paungi.

Please meri yeh aakhri maang puri kar do.

Antara.

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Guddan (tear-filled eyes) - Toh yeh letter tha jiske liye aapne accident tak karwa liya tha. Yahi tha na woh kagaz ka tukda jo aapki jaan se jyada keemti tha.

All these days, she had struggled to accept this marriage, but these letters somehow made it easy for her. Because now she knew that this marriage was as much a prison to him as it was to her. Her intuition was right. She did notice his unwillingness towards this marriage in his eyes.

Today, all her conflicts were resolved. The contrast in his behaviour, the confusion between his gentle and his harsh approach, was all gone now. She understood it now. He was not what she had assumed him to be. Whatever he did, the contract, the marriage, though wrong, was out of desparation, desparation to fulfill his late wife's last wish. Although he had caused her some harm, but he never meant to.

She had a smile on her face and a strange relief in her heart, finally, she had started to understand him, not what he projected onto the world, but the real him, hiding underneath that stringent, crude exterior.