Guddan and Akshat - Made for Each Other

Chapter 34 - The Inner Turmoil

(Scene Idea Credit - NaaheeanNaabilah)

Akshat rushed out of the house and went straight to the restaurant. He rushed inside his cabin and locked the door. So much was going on in his mind that he needed to sit alone in a quiet place to process it.

Vikram's and Meera's words were ringing in his ears, "Aap unki koshish ko safal kar dijiye.......... Iss parivaar ko ek karne ki koshish............ Kya aap uski khusi ke liye apne parivaar se yeh duriyan nahi mitaa sakte?"

Of course he was willing to do anything within his reach to bring back the cheerful and bubbly Guddan, but what Meera was asking was not really within his reach. Arranging costumes, decor and food was one thing, that he could do in an instant, but what Meera was asking him to do was out of his reach, or was it really?

"Kabhi kabhi dusron ki khushi ke liye bhi kuch kar lena chahiye. Par aap ko toh sirf apna dukh, apni takleef dikhti hai. Aap kyun kisiki khushi ke liye kuch karne lage?", he remembered Guddan's words.

These words stung him, as much as they had stung the day they were uttered, but were they really true, he wondered. No, it can't be, he loved his family, he did everything for them, or did he? Did he really do everything for his family? Today, there was no clarity of thought in him. He was questioning himself, which he never did before. Finally Guddan's questions had broken through the seemingly impenetrable wall he had built around him and reached him, shaking him to the core, making him rethink his actions till today. All the questions Guddan ever asked, were jumbled up in his head. Nobody had confronted him head on like Guddan did. Nobody had dared to speak infront of him all these years, let alone confront him.

"Haan, aapko darr lagta hai. Aapko darr lagta hai khushiyon se, ki kahin aapse phir se na chhin jaye........... Aapko toh bas apni hi padi hai, aapko yeh tak nahi dikhta ki ek chhath ke niche rehte hue bhi aap apne beton se koson dur hain. Kitna kuch kehna chahte hain aapse par keh nahi paate", again her words echoed in his mind.

The smiling faces of his sons flashed before him. It was indeed so long back, years ago, when his sons spoke freely with him, shared their problems, their joys, their griefs, their mischiefs with him. It all seemed so distant now, as if it was in another life altogether.

He remembers his sons happy faces when they were talking to Guddan the other day, and how their smile faded when they sensed his presence. There was a time when they used to talk as much freely and joyfully in front of him, teasing him even, like they were teasing Guddan, but not anymore. Why, he asked himself. He knew the answer, he, himself had kept a distance from everyone for years now.

Where did he go wrong? What did he do wrong? He tried his best to provide for his family, but was it enough, he asked himself. If it was, why was every family member dissatisfied and bereft of joy, for years, that is until Guddan entered his life. She brought joy and new life into his lifeless house. She did his part of the job, keeping his family happy. She carried out the duties that were his to carry out. Guddan was right they lived as a family under the same roof, but they shared neither joys nor grief, it was years since they all had laughed together or cried together.

"Agar hum laayak hote toh aap apni mann ki baat apne mann mein dabaye nahin rakhte, apna dard apne andar chipaye nahi rakhte......... Agar hum itne se bhi laayak hote toh aap yun apne beton se, apne parivaar se alag naa hote...........", Guddan's words and her defeated face was flashing before him.

He wanted to explain to her that there was no fault in her efforts, he had noticed each and every one of her endeavours to bring joy to his family, to unite his family. The fault lied within him, in his inability to culminate her efforts and not in her efforts or endeavours.

No more, he decided in that moment. His family will pay the price no more, he will end this distance in the relationships, he will mend the strained relationships, or atleast he will try to. Of course, it won't be easy, the only reason he had taken a step back was to avoid any pain that came his way if her kept living the same way as he did in the past. If he did so, every now and then he would encounter memories, that would remind him of his empty existence, for his breath of life had left him, and without her, life seemed mundane and meaningless. So he had reclused himself, away from the world, immersed himself in work.

But in all of this, he had only thought of himself, his pain, his suffering; he hadn't once thought how his actions would affect his family. Thank God, Guddan came into his life and confronted him, or else he would have never been able to see the damage he was causing to the people most dear to him.

He stepped out of his cabin, with a resolve to amend his mistake, a mistake that had costed his family years of happiness, no more joy was he willing to snatch away from them, whatever the personal cost, whatever the pain he had to go through, reminiscing his old memories.