We're Still Standing...Book 5

I'm Getting Back to Me

Seth up top!

Julian POV 

This chapter will have 2 time jumps, one year each of time for the time jumps.

One year later

"Damn it!" I yelled out to myself when I dropped the weight off my leg. I have been doing my own lifting when I'm alone, I had babysitters who would always watch me, waiting to see if I'd try to off myself again. It was pointless to try again when I had babysitters. I was so close to giving up again when I got a call from Jacob telling me he is going to take me to a facility for wounded warriors to get the help I need. I did research on it and read some heart breaking stories but they ended with mostly successes so I'm willing to give it a try, even if I need to move to another state temporarily to get that help. I don't like being depressed or feeling like I'm trapped in a useless body so if this doesn't work, well I will cross that bridge when I get there. 

Kaidens speech was beautiful and heartwarming but that night after they left, Jacob showed up the next day and we left, I had called Zander, Zeke and Kaiden to tell them I'm going to be leaving soon so if they wanted to see me before I left to be there soon but they were all busy and I was gone. 

Over the past year I have been doing a lot better, I can walk with the help of crutches, it used to be forearm crutches but a few weeks ago my physical therapist said he wanted to try me on them and it was shaky for a little while but after the first few sessions with them, I can walk at a slower pace than normal but I’m still on my own two feet walking. I still use the thigh weights to build up muscle in my legs and I use the equipment in the gym for leg workouts to also help. It has been hell and has been hard but it is worth all the pain, sweat and tears, I’m a Marine, I am a fighter and it took a long time for me to realize that. I know now that trying to kill myself was the wrong way to go, I just didn’t feel I had any other way. I didn’t like my life being the way it was, feeling useless and depending on everyone to take care of me when I was still so young and had my children to take care of. I talk to them once a week on Skype and they have grown so much, Gracie turned one a couple weeks ago and Jacob had brought the kids to see me so we could celebrate her birthday together. 

I had asked where Kaiden, Zander and Zeke were and he told me they had things going on and couldn’t make it. By some miracle Zeke got his sight back and is doing well in college, Zander went to some kind of class for his father’s business to take over next year and Kaiden has been getting a lot more patients so I haven’t talked to them or seen them since that last night at my house before I left. 

A few weeks after I left, I felt pains in my heart, groin and ass, I have no idea why and I also felt really hot, like my skin was burning. I took a shower in cold water to see if that would help but it didn’t, I screamed so loud I woke everyone in the facility but I didn’t know what was happening to tell them when they had asked. It went on for a couple of days, I felt like I was dying a slow painful death. It has happened a lot over the past year and it is taking its toll on my rehab. I have asked Jacob to see if he knows of anyone who is like me feeling like this and he doesn’t, he said he has never heard of anyone in rehab feeling like this but does that mean he does know of someone feeling this pain since he said he hasn’t heard of anyone in rehab feeling this kind of pain? I may never know but I need to figure something out because I need to focus on my rehab but the pain is making it hard as the days pass. 

“Julian, want to try the balance bar without the crutches today?” Seth asked as he came up to me in the dining room, I was finishing up breakfast.

“Sure, do you think I’m ready?” I asked him.

“Do you think you’re ready?” He smiled and I chuckled. When I ask him that, that is his reply each time.

“Yes, I know I’m ready.”